Hearts Will Go On
by DefyGravity18
Summary: Based on the 1997 movie. Part told by Rose, part by her daughter and part by another person which I will not give away. Basically, Rose has a daughter Jo, who grows up and they live through heartbreak and happiness...marriages, deaths and births.
1. Welcome Home Jo

**This is my first fan fiction concerning Titanic...I apologize if I mess up some movie details...it's been a while, but it's a fiction and whatever...it's not real...lol. So, enjoy it! And review if you so wish! **

_The Water is Wide, I cannot get o'er...and neither have I wings to fly...give me a boat that will carry two...and both shall row, my love and I..._

Have you ever looked at something so perfect it broke your heart and completed you all at once? I have. On January 12, 1913, my daughter was placed into my arms with a head of reddish blonde hair and light blue eyes wide open. She wasn't crying, she wasn't flailing, she was perfectly serene and she looked at me with such a soul already in her, I knew it was meant to be. It was as if she was trying to tell me everything was going to be alright. It would only be the two of us, but somehow we would get by. I would pull us through any obstacle to give her the life she deserved. I was so overwhelmed by the emotion of it all, I broke down as soon as they brought her to me, cleaned and wrapped. Yet, through it all I felt alone. Horribly alone. I had no family. My mother was surely still in Philadelphia, and my former fiancé, was already married to his childhood sweetheart, who had ironically turned up with the child they had conceived together during _our _year long engagement.

The father of my child had been dead since the night she was conceived, and we had never gotten the chance to really be together. It's strange, but here I was, nine months after the fact, and the details of that night still ran through my mind. I had always been a realist, and had never believed in love at first sight or any of that fluffy nonsense. My parents had had an arranged marriage and barely spoke to each other, much less loved each other. My mother had never been truly happy, but being raised as the daughter of a well known business man, she'd been trained to be a proper, society wife and knew how to do nothing else. I had always pitied her for my father and I were terribly close and he'd made sure I had skills should something ever happen to him. For a short time, I even served as a sort of secretary to him at the offices of our wine business. Of course, I'd gone to finishing school, but I always pulled my weight around the house, helping with dishes and things. I had an endless love for books and art, and read constantly. I was always being scolded because I worried more about the ending of Les Miserables than what I was going to wear for dinner that night.

The only material things I had ever valued was a butterfly hair comb, and a silver brush and mirror set that Daddy had given me before he died. When I was thirteen, he'd gone into business with his friend and combined the wine business with their restaurant chain. He'd left his friend completely in charge of the finances, never believing people could be bad at heart and it turned out, the man had slowly transferred all of my father's funds into his account and disappeared when I was fifteen. Shortly after we'd learned we were literally penniless, my father had an aneurysm and died. Desperate, my mother had moved us from New York to Philadelphia after learning that the steel mogul, Nathan Hockley's son Caledon was looking for a wife. I don't fault her for it. She was frightened. I had been introduced to him at a party a few years before but at the time I'd still been in an awkward stage and he'd never given me the time of day.

It was easy to see he was instantly taken with me and he began to court me. I'll admit, it was a bit dizzying, the gifts he showered on my mother and I. She began to become quite comfortable and even though the thought of marriage made me want to jump on the next train to upstate New York, I couldn't bear to throw her into a life of poverty. She'd wilt like a rose. Ironically, my name was Rose and I'd never been one to wilt. So, just after my sixteenth birthday I'd become engaged to Caledon Hockley without a protest. I soon learned Cal did not want a wife who challenged him and every time I did so, he proceeded to tell me about his former love Isabella. I knew Isabella. She was a tiny blonde girl who was soft spoken and obedient. I'd never had a problem with her, but being compared to her on a near daily basis, really drove me insane.

Still, problems and all I found myself growing awkwardly fond of Cal, and even at times could see myself loving him in time. Just before Christmas of 1911, six months after my seventeenth birthday, he whisked Mother and myself to Europe to tour the continent. I was most fond of Paris. I spoke fluent French and felt truly at ease in the presence of the French. By the time we'd gotten back to England, it was the middle of March and our engagement party was set for April 21. Cal had booked us tickets on a brand new liner, said to be bigger and better even than the one that had brought us here. I could have cared less if we'd come on a cargo ship, but he insisted on having the best. I remember first hearing the name of our ship home and laughing a little.

"It's called the Titanic." He'd said proudly, flashing the first class tickets. I smirked and he'd raised an eyebrow, both he and my mother looking at me like a disruptive child.

"Well, isn't it a bit over the top?" I'd asked and he'd looked at my mother as if I were the most irritating thing ever and had said,

"Darling, nothing is over the top when you are rich." They'd laughed together haughtily then with me sitting there hating them both for looking down at me. The only thing that had got me through those last weeks in England was the company of Mrs. Margaret Brown. She was the only _real_ person in our group. She'd lived a real life and her husband had gotten rich well after they were married. They called her "new money," I called her an escape. Someone I could actually speak to. I missed my father something horrible and since his death, I had felt isolated in my own misery, so being able to speak to someone, was Heaven. I hadn't even been able to grieve for him properly before I was tossed into the arms of Cal.

I woke up on April tenth with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. The night before, Cal had come into my room and tried to pressure me into making love with him for the umpteenth time that month and became angry when I told him to stop. He'd never hit me, he just left the room. I was greeted by Trudy, our maid, as she laid my clothes on the bed. A pinstripe suit and a purple hat which I thought was hideous.

"Really Trudy, it's fine...I'll just wear the dress..." I'd began but Mother's voice came from the door.

"Nonsense. It is improper for a lady to go in public without a hat. You know better." She said coldly and I smiled at her bitterly.

"Of course Mother. How could I forget?" I asked sarcastically as Trudy began to pin my hair.

I looked at the diamond gracing my seventeen year old finger.

"It's really a beautiful ring Miss." Trudy said admiringly. I sighed.

"It's...something." I agreed, and stared at my reflection. Who was that girl with the tightly pulled back hair and the porcelain face? Not me. I hadn't seen my own reflection since Daddy died. Maybe I never would again. In Cal's homes, there was room enough for four families and endless possessions, but would there ever be room for me?

"The car is waiting downstairs." Cal said, coming into the room and kissing my cheek. I smiled vaguely at him, remembering the night before. "Forget last night dearest. I forgive you." He said affectionately and I could only stare at him in shock as he left the room.

"Well thank you so much, gracious king!" I shot at the empty doorway.

I nearly fell out of the car at the sight of the Titanic. It was bigger than anything I had seen in my life up close. I was truly impressed, but I didn't want Cal or my mother to know I was about as excited as a six year old at the circus for the first time.

"It doesn't look any bigger than the Mauritania." Cal had chuckled, getting out of the car.

"You can be blasé about some things, Rose, but not about Titanic. It's over a hundred feet longer than the Mauritania and far more luxurious." I'd felt the sudden need to heave, but held it back as Mother stepped down, with Cal's help of course.

"Really now, couldn't they hold back until they were in the privacy of their own cabin?" Mother said disdainfully as I followed her gaze. A young couple, probably about my age were giggling between kisses as the young man spun the girl around in a circle. I almost sighed. The playfulness of their relationship astounded me. It was like they were excited to be in each other's presence. I looked at Cal almost hopefully. He barely nodded at me. I watched sadly as the couple flounced away hand in hand, the girl's dark locks flying in the wind. Free. God how I envied her. They looked to be upper second class.

The first night came and went uneventfully with dinner and gossip. Cal talked about our wedding plans as I plotted the next time I could sneak away for a cigarette since mother was watching me like a hawk. I'd picked the habit up when Cal left his lying around and forgot them, leaving me to go to bed at night. I looked over at Mrs. Brown who made a slight hand gesture that he was talking too much. I swallowed a giggle and nodded at her, but the sharp grip of my mother's hand on my arm stopped me and I excused myself for bed. I lay that night looking at the ceiling, with my worn copy of Pride and Prejudice lying on my chest. I was bored out of my mind. Looking at the clock, I padded out of the bedroom and checked on mother who was fast asleep thanks to the wine. Pulling my robe on, I decided to take a walk on deck and leaned against the rail of the first class deck. The faint sound of drums and music came from below the deck and I almost wanted to go toward it but I dared not.

The faint outline of a boy around my age sitting with his knees up and a pad of paper on his lap was visible below me. He must have noticed me standing there because I saw him wave at me. I nearly smiled, but waved back. I couldn't help thinking that the people I saw never took time to notice me, but a boy I had never even met and could hardly see took time out of his night to wave at me. As the moon came out from behind the clouds I could see his face and hair. He had a brassy golden head of hair and a sincere smile. He shrugged and made a motion to tell me he was glad for some light. I smiled slightly and nodded. That was the first time I saw him.

The next day, I was sitting at another trivial lunch as mother snatched my cigarette out of my mouth. I'd been so out of it, I hadn't even realized I pulled it out. Irked, I looked around the room and noticed a young girl being scolded by her mother and it reminded me so much of myself at that age, that I felt the sudden need to get out. I pushed my way onto the first class deck and leaned on the rail, wanting nothing more than to throw the pins from my hair. _Daddy...I need you. I'm all alone...I need you..._I had the feeling someone was watching me and I looked down for a second, seeing the boy looking up at me. I didn't realize it at first, but looked back seeing it was the boy from the night before. I was going to wave and call something out to him, but Cal's hand touched my shoulder as he leaned in to whisper that Mother was very upset with me for leaving lunch so abruptly. I rolled my eyes and stormed back toward the cabin.

"And don't roll your eyes at me Rose." He called after me as I scowled.

I thought all afternoon about running away. Where could I go though? Cal would only find me and bring me back and I'd have to live with he and my mother keeping me under watch or even worse, sending me to some sort of institution while Cal had mistress after mistress. I looked in the mirror before going to dinner. I could just hear my father say, _Who are you anymore Rose? Where are you? How can you let her do this to you? I taught you to stand up for yourself. _If he was here, things would have been different. He would have pulled them out of debt, or we would have been poor, but happy together. I would have rather we had nothing but each other, than everything and being alone. At dinner, someone's comment had triggered a debate.

"So when do you two plan on children soon?" Someone had asked us, and horrified I cried,

"No!" As Cal simultaneously said,

"Yes, as soon as possible." I looked at my mother, who nodded at Cal and shot daggers at me with her eyes. Cal also looked at me in horror, squeezing my hand a bit tightly.

"She was confused," He explained to everyone. "She knows we have an obligation to produce heirs." He said and I stood up suddenly.

"Is that all they are to you?" I asked and he looked up calm as the night, his eyes blazing.

"Sit Rose..." He said icily. I sighed.

"I'm sorry...I don't know what came over me...I think I should go lie down." I lied and he seemed to accept this, kissing my cheek.

As soon as I was in the room, I ripped the pins from my hair and pulled my jewelry off, looking in the mirror at my tear streaked face. This was all I had to look forward to. Being told what to do and doing it. There was no escape. None. No. I was going to escape. Tonight. Running from the room, I ran outside to the deck and took the stairs all the way down to the public deck. I wasn't entirely sure where I was going, but when I saw the rear of the ship, it all became clear. Gently, I climbed over the rails and looked down at my escape. I must have stayed there for a few minutes before someone's gentle voice said,

"Don't do it."

Damn, I hadn't known anyone was out there.

"Stay back!" I cried in my most desperate voice. "Don't come any closer!" This was all beginning to feel like a big mistake and I wanted to climb back over, but I was terrified to let go.

"Come on, just give me your hand, I'll pull you back over." He came closer and I could faintly feel his breath on my shoulders.

"No, stay where you are! I mean it! I'll let go!" He hesitated when I said this but suddenly said,

"No you won't." Suddenly I was mad, tired of everyone telling me what I was and wasn't going to do and I snapped.

"What do you mean 'no I won't?' Don't presume to tell me what I will and will not do! You don't know me!" Casually, he shrugged and said,

"Well you would've done it already..."

I rolled my eyes, embarrassed.

"You're distracting me! Go away." I said, and from there he proceeded to use reverse psychology on me...even threatening to jump in after me. He said he was too involved. The only thought that went through my mind was, _Get out while you still can you crazy bastard! _He told me about a time he'd fallen through the ice in his hometown and wished I would get him off the hook. I finally said it.

"You're crazy." He laughed.

"That's what everybody says. But, with all due respect miss. I'm not the one hanging off the back of a ship here..." He had a point. "Give me your hand. You don't want to do this." I felt the warmth of his hand touch my arm and I found the courage to let go and clutched it.

Slowly, I turned to face him and almost died in shock. The same boy I'd seen the past two days. He smiled kindly.

"I'm Jack Dawson." He said and quite honestly for a moment I couldn't remember my own name but somehow I blurted it out.

"Rose Dewitt-Bukater." He stared for a moment before laughing.

"I'm gonna have to get you to write that one down." For the first time in a while, I really laughed too.

I stared down at the baby in my arms, coming out of my memory and looked at her intently, trying to pick something to call her. I'd been certain she was a boy and had been set on calling him Jack. But here she was, a girl. As I looked at her, a tune went through my mind. _Come Josephine in my flying machine, and it's up she goes...up she goes..._

"Josephine?" I said tentatively, she looked up at me then and I suddenly knew it was her name.

"Have you chosen her name Mrs. Dawson?" The nurse asked me, inquiring for the birth certificate.

"Yes," I said, adjusting her easily. "Josephine Margaret Dawson."

Josephine and I went home the very next day from the Santa Monica General Hospital and back to the small apartment I'd been able to buy with the money I'd made waitressing. My friend Liz and I had set up the bedroom for her and she was waiting for us when we walked in. We'd met just after I'd come to California and she'd helped me get a job and find an apartment. A month later, I'd found out I was pregnant. As we sat on my couch, I laid my head against the back of it and cradled Josephine.

"Welcome home Jo."


	2. We Have Each Other

**Thank you so much to those who are reading this...it's going to get there. Alot happens in this chapter and time kind of flies, so just keep an open mind. It's just setting up the story.**

**Syd**

_Where love is planted O there it grows  
It grows and blossoms like a rose  
It has a sweet and pleasant smell  
No flower on Earth can it excel..._

I always knew Josephine was a special child. She was smart, almost too smart for a girl of three. I remember the day she flew into the kitchen as I was drinking a glass of water after work and waving a sheet of paper around.

"Momma, I drawed you a picture!" Her tiny little voice cried as she crashed into me, breathless and grinning from ear to ear. I laughed and set her on my lap, gently taking the paper from her.

"Jo, this is…" I stopped, seeing the picture and knowing full well no three year old should draw this well. It was a picture of a flower, and to my surprise her coloring was inside the lines for the most part and the use of color was correct. The stem was green, the flower was yellow with an orange center.

"Do you like it Momma?" She asked, her big blue eyes hopeful. I sighed and smiled for her.

"Of course I do! It's only the best picture ever! We'll hang it on the kitchen wall." I said, kissing her light red curls and setting her on her feet. As I found a tack to pin it on the wall, Jo stood with her serious little expression on her face and said,

"Momma, I wanna be a waitress, just like you!" I looked down at her in surprise. For the last two years, I had been working in a small diner down the road while Liz watched Jo. She'd become like a sister to me, and her husband was also good to Jo and I.

It was plain to see from the beginning that Jo was Jack all over again. Her eyes, her smile, her cute little nose. It was all him. The only thing she'd gotten from me were the red curls I had loathed as a child. In the summers, Jo would get hints of gold running through the brilliant red and making it seem like a halo on her. I worried all the time about when she was older, God forbid the day I woke up and realized she was a woman. Even the way she stood was reminiscent of Jack's lazy stance.

Even though I hated the job I had, it did pay well and kept us living. Money was tight, food was not plentiful, but there was enough, and we were happy. Life was not bad, but for the horrid lonely nights because those nights were when the memories came. It had been almost four years since Titanic and the vivid details still haunted me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the face of little Cora, or Tommy, or even Fabrizio. Jack inevitably was always in my mind whether I was sleeping or awake. If you would have told me I could fall in love with someone over the course of three days before that trip, I would have laughed in your face and called you a silly dreamer. But I did fall in love, I really did love him and it still tore at me. We were so young, he only twenty and myself seventeen at the time. I was still young at only twenty-one, but I felt like a woman of forty.

I could still hear the screaming from that night, the horrible screams. The thuds of people smashing against things as they tumbled to their deaths and the piercing gunshots. It wasn't fair. I know that expression is overused, but it's true. In a matter of four hours, I had everything I had ever known or wanted ripped out of my grip. My love, my family and my life. Not that I wasn't ready to give up the life I had, because for that I am grateful. But I cannot help but wonder how different it would have been if the ship had simply docked and I had gotten off with Jack. Could I have patched things up with Mother? I hated to admit it, but I missed her. She was the only mother I had.

I still hadn't given up the dream of being an actress in moving pictures and had even had a decent part in a few plays, but that dream was proving to be a far fetched one between work and Jo. Still, I auditioned once in a while. I had made it into one picture, but it was a very small part and the pay had been minimal. One day, just after Josephine's fourth birthday I came home from work to find her crying on the couch. I had instantly dropped my purse and moved to sit beside her.

"What is the matter Jo Dawson?" I asked her and she wouldn't answer. "Josephine Margaret…" I said and she looked up at me with eyes wise beyond her years.

"Momma, are we poor?" She asked with her arms crossed. My mouth dropped open.

"I…no we are not poor Josephine, who said we were?" I asked and she looked at her hands.

"You did…yesterday. You said they were gonna turn the heat off cause we couldn't pay the bill. You said money don't grow on trees." I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes. I had been stressed out the day before and had vented to Liz and Randy.

"You heard that, Jo?" I asked, smoothing her curls back.

"Uh huh." She replied. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and put my arm around her.

"We are not poor baby. We're going to be alright. I promise. Is that all that was bothering you?" She shook her head.

"Why don't I have a Daddy? Dave and Belinda have one, why not me?" I remained calm, knowing damn well that this question would arise one day and thankful that it was time to get it over with. Jo was referring to Liz and Randy's kids.

"Jo…you did have one. A good one too…but he…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. "He went to Heaven." Her eyes got wide.

"With God?" She asked in an awestruck voice. I even laughed.

"Yes baby, with God." She grinned.

"That must make him some important person huh?" Her innocence made this so much easier. I nodded.

"Oh yes…it does. He drew pictures too you know….just like you."

This seemed to satisfy her immensely and excitement made her cheeks pink.

"What did he look like?" She asked and I tried to picture him. It amazed me that he was still so clear in my mind.

"He looked like you Jo." I said, touching her cheek. She sighed.

"I guess it's okay if he's with God…but I sure wanna meet him." She said. "I never had no one look like me before." I rested my head on hers and bit my lip, hoping she couldn't tell that I was crying.

"I want that too…" She didn't ask about it again after that, thank God. Surprisingly she became quite the independent one. She was very sure of herself and only one incident made her forget that momentarily.

"I hate boys! I hate being a girl and I hate school!" Jo said, flying in after school one day. She was now seven going on eight and in the second grade. I laughed, stirring the soup I was making.

"Now…it can't be that bad…" I said as she threw her things on the table. She sighed loudly and looked at me like I was mad.

"You don't know Mom! You just don't know!" She said, nearly tearing the ribbons from her hair and taking out her school braids. I calmly walked to the ice box to get her a glass of milk and set it in front of her, sitting beside her.

"Why don't you tell me?" I asked her and she nodded.

"It's terrible! Miss Shannon asked us to say what we wanted to do when we grew up, so I did!" I bit my lip, having a feeling of where this was going.

"And?" I asked. She glared into her milk.

"I said I wanted to draw pictures like my father and write books, along with being the President of course!" I folded my arms.

"What happened?" I asked with a sigh, knowing even then what was bothering her.

"She said, 'Josephine, those are very big amb…amb…" She couldn't find the word, so I filled it in for her.

"Ambitions?" I offered. She nodded.

"Right! Ambitions…she said, 'But Josephine, you are a girl. And girls simply don't do those things. Why not be a schoolteacher or a secretary? Can you believe it Mom? A _secretary!_ I don't wanna be no secretary!"

I tried not to show how upset I was by this. Woman being discouraged to be all that they could simply because men thought women were inferior! We couldn't even vote in an election, much less strive to be President. No. My daughter was not going to be one of those girls who depended on a man to get her through life. She would learn to care for herself and believe in herself! How dare a teacher discourage their student from striving to achieve!

"You don't have to be a secretary Jo…you can be whatever you want and don't you forget it. I want to speak to your teacher."

The following day, I went to Jo's school early and asked Miss Shannon if I could talk to her. She was a young third generation Irish Catholic.

"Miss Shannon, I am concerned about how you handled my daughter yesterday. You told her she couldn't be the President or an author?" She folded her hands a bit arrogantly and looked at me.

"Mrs. Dawson, I will not instill false hope in my students. You may delude yourself by telling her that she can be whatever she wants, but we both know it is not true. Women in this country are limited…why should we give her hope only to have it torn out from under her?" I glared at her with her light blonde hair and green eyes. Her face was plain and her hair was pulled back tightly into a bun, which was unflattering to the thinness of her face.

"She is a child, Miss Shannon. A little girl! Do you have children?" I asked her in my lowest, most intimidating voice.

"Well I...no I don't." She replied, flustered.

"Of course you don't!" I cried, "If you did, you would know the pain of coming home to find your child hating herself simply because the world is ridiculous...I am sorry Miss Shannon, but I cannot bring myself to tell her she can't because of the way things are and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from doing it to her too." The woman stood haughtily and fixed an icy glare on me.

"You expect me to lie?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No...I expect you to just nod your head and keep your mouth shut...she is seven years old. I will worry about her future when the time comes, but right now, I just want her to be a happy seven year old girl!"

"Very well, Mrs. Dawson." The woman replied. "I simply will not say anything to either encourage nor discourage Josephine….. and I want you to know that she insists on being called Jo!" I almost smiled.

"Oh yes?" I asked and she nodded.

"I told her that I will call her nothing but her given Christian name. It is improper!" She said, fixing her bun. I shook my head and looked at her warily.

"Miss Shannon...you worry too much. Loosen up." I said and nodded at her before leaving the room. I kissed Jo on the forehead and left for work. Late.

"Dawson!" My boss Ralph cried as I flew into the diner.

"I am so sorry Ralph, there was an issue at my daughter's school and..."

"I don't care if there was a natural disaster. There ain't no excuse for bein' late!" He barked and I nodded.

"Alright...I got the picture..." I said and began to wipe the empty tables down when I noticed someone was watching me. I looked up to see a man sitting near the window with sandy brown hair and amber eyes. I gave him a smile and began to take an older couple's order before I took his.

"Hi, what can I do for you?" I asked him and he smiled.

"Just a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll." He said and I nodded.

"Fair enough. Be right up." I couldn't help but notice how incredibly bright his smile was. I caught his eyes as I served customers and could feel myself blush every time he smiled. Only one other person had ever looked at me that way...As I brought his coffee and cinnamon roll, my hands began to shake so badly, I lost grip of the tray and it crashed down onto the table, splashing coffee all over his nice shirt.

"Shit..." I cursed, embarrassed as Ralph came flying out of the kitchen.

"Damn it Dawson, how many times have I told you to get your head outta the clouds?" He shot at me, coming to the table. "I'm sorry sir...if there is anything I can do to make up for this idiot..."

"Aw come on now...she's trying...give her a break." The man said, winking at me. I wanted to crawl under the table and die. It was obvious he was much older than I by about ten or twelve years, but his good looks had not faded in the least and there was no trace of gray hair. I silently scolded myself. _You've just spilled coffee all over him and you are examining how attractive he is? Are you just going to forget Jack?_

"No, you know what Dawson? You're fired. I'm sick of you bein' late, I'm sick of your screw ups...you're done. Pack it up." Ralph barked at me. Feeling the heat burn my face I untied my apron and tossed it into his face.

"You know what Ralph? Screw you! You are an asshole! This is the first time I've been late in six years and I have never dropped anything before...Besides I'd rather work anywhere than in this shit hole with you!" I said, and stormed out of the restaurant to hail a cab home. As I walked down the street, I heard footsteps behind me.

"Miss! Uh Miss! Wait! You dropped this!"

I turned to see the man from the restaurant. He was holding my wallet.

"Thanks..." I said, "It must have fell out of my purse." I stopped to look up at him. He was much taller than I.

"No problem." He grinned, holding out his hand. "James Calvert." I smiled politely and shook his hand.

"Rose Dew...Dawson." Even now, I sometimes still wanted to say my old name out of habit.

"Pleasure Miss Dawson...or is it Mrs.?" I raised my eyebrow but nodded.

"Mrs. He passed away." I said. It was a lie, but close enough to the truth that I didn't feel guilty. "Just call me Rose."

He smiled again, brilliantly showing a row of perfect white teeth.

"Rose...it suits you perfectly. Call me Jim." He said. I looked awkwardly at my worn shoes.

"So what's a sweet girl like you doing in a dump like that?" He asked and I laughed.

"Well you were dining in that dump!" I said, hating myself for shamelessly flirting like this. It felt so good...free almost. "I uh...have to support my daughter and myself. We live a few blocks away in the Golden Apartment Complex."

"That man always been that way?" He asked, referring to Ralph. I nodded.

"Yes, I am afraid he just thought I was some subservient little worker."

"Well he was wrong, wasn't he?" Jim asked. "Say, would you like to get some ice cream? My treat of course..." I laughed.

"Well, if it's your treat...I seem to be out of a job."

We talked about our lives and money and current events in the news. Mostly the war that had just ended in Europe.

"War is so ridiculous...and when it is all over, no one can ever remember why we were fighting in the first place!" I said as he walked me home. He nodded.

"You're a smart woman Rose." He said softly as we came to the door of my building.

"I uh, better go before Josephine gets..."

"I want to see you again Rose." He said and I looked at him, surprised.

"You do?" I nearly choked. "Well, right now I am unemployed, so I must find a job..."

"Come work for me in my office. You could be my secretary. I'll pay you double what you were making." He said, and I looked at him surprised.

"What do you do?" He grinned.

"I'm a non-profit lawyer."

I looked at my hands.

"Look Jim...I really appreciate that, but I am not ready to become involved..."

"Then you don't have to. Just work for me. You need a job. Take it one day at a time. I promise you won't regret it." His eyes were so sincere I think I muttered some word of approval because he was shaking my hand. He gave me a quick hug before leaving and I walked numbly up to the apartment.

Jo was home twenty minutes later as I was preparing dinner and threw her books on the couch before rushing into the kitchen.

"Guess what?" She cried and I shrugged.

"Huh?" She thrust a piece of paper into my hand and I realized it was another drawing. This one was a girl sitting near a window. It was so well done, I would have guessed an experienced adult had drawn it. On top of it was a red "A". I smiled and tacked it on the wall with her other ones. As I hugged her, something told me that we were going to be alright.


	3. Growing up, Moving On

Slowly, Jo and I found our lives entwined with that of Jim Calvert. To my surprise, she took to him in such a way I couldn't have asked for a better result. The guilt was still there though. Every time I even thought of pursuing something other than a platonic relationship with Jim, my mind seemed to berate me for even thinking it. I knew Jack would never fault me for it, since he had indeed made me promise to move on and live my life, knowing he was going to die that night. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for Josephine. I probably would have wished I would have died right there with him, but she'd given me something to focus on.

"I love you Jack."

"Don't you do that, don't you say your goodbyes…" He said, his chin quivering from cold and emotion. He was exhausted, I could see that.

"I'm so cold." I replied weakly. I knew it was a stupid thing to say since he was the one in the water, but I felt like I was slowly dying. I felt his cold hard lips kiss my hand. He looked at me sternly but kindly.

"Listen Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on, and make lots of babies, and you're gonna watch them grow." He smiled to encourage me. This was the most tragic thing I had ever had to live through. Talking about my future with the man I was supposed to be with, both of us knowing in our hearts that he wasn't going to make it.

"You're gonna die an old…" He stopped to shiver a moment, regaining his voice. "An old lady warm in her bed, but not here, not this night. Not like _this, _do you understand me?" I would have laughed if the situation hadn't been so awful. He was literally ordering me to live. I wanted to say something intelligent but all that came out was,

"I can't feel my body…" It was true. I felt like a dead person whose soul had not yet left the body. He kept talking.

"Winning that ticket Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me…" His voice cracked in emotion, but he held his own. "It brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that. I'm _thankful._" At this point, I could feel the warm tears start to slowly trickle down my cheeks.

"You must do me this honor, Rose." He said suddenly and I was confused. How could I possibly do him any honor in this situation. "Promise me you'll survive." He said and I felt a sob wrack my body and could see he was holding his own telling emotions back. "That you won't…give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me _now,_ Rose, and never let go of that promise." I so badly wanted him to tell me we were going to get through this together that I can't even describe the mixed emotions that were running through my frozen mind, but I choked out against his iced encrusted hair.

"I promise."

That was the worst memory of them all. I could still feel the cold and Jack's lifeless hands clenched on my own, the silver handcuffs still around his wrists. For a brief moment when the lifeboats had come, I thought we'd won. We'd beaten fate, but when I turned to tell Jack, he didn't wake up. I realized then that if I died in this water, he would never forgive me and my father would never forgive me, so I forced myself to fall back into that water and do something when I couldn't find a voice to call out. I found a whistle around one of the men's necks and blew as hard and as loud as I could. That whistle still rings in my mind. As they hoisted me into the lifeboat and threw a flannel blanket over me, I looked at the stars. I prayed. For me, for my mother and for Jack. _Daddy, take care of him…_I prayed and allowed myself to fall asleep.

The knock at our door brought me back to reality as I folded clothes I had just washed. Jo got up quickly and bounded to the door. She had just turned eight and her hair hung in brilliant ringlets nearly to the middle of her back.

"Jim!" She cried as she flung her arms around the man. I smiled, getting up and going to meet them at the door. He had a small arrangement of flowers. I appreciated the fact that he'd gone for an arrangement of wildflowers since everyone automatically assumed I preferred roses.

"These are lovely, thank you!" I said, pulling him inside by the arm. He nodded and patted my shoulder.

"And for Mademoiselle Josephine, I have this." He said and held something up. It looked like a bag of some sort. She looked at me for approval, so I nodded and tentatively, she took the item from him and opened it, gasping.

"Mom…" She said and I walked behind her to have a look. It was a collection of art pencils and sharpeners. Along with a small sketchpad.

"Jim…you didn't have to do this…" I said in shock. He smiled warmly.

"I wanted to…look at how happy she is." He said, as he pointed to where Jo had settled on the couch with her sketchbook and new pencils.

"You really do care for her, don't you Jim?" I asked him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes as he watched my daughter draw. He nodded.

"Rose, she's everything I ever dreamed of in a child. Smart, beautiful, talented and a genuinely good person. You've done a wonderful job. I really do care for her." He confirmed and it almost felt like a relief to hear it. He took my hand.

"Rose, how long have you been working in my office?" He asked me and I thought a moment, counting the months.

"Nearly six months." I said and he nodded.

"Six months Rose. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish there was more…between us." He said suddenly and I stopped breathing.

"W-what do you mean?" I asked nervously and he took my other hand as well.

"Rose, I am in love with you. I've been in love with you since the day we met." He confessed and somehow, it didn't surprise me. I couldn't find words. He chuckled.

"Saying something right now would do a great deal of good to my nerves." He said and I looked up at him.

"It's so hard for me…" I said and he pulled me in for a friendly, comforting hug.

"I know Rose…I know. If you're not ready or you don't want me, just say the word and I will leave without question. But I want you to know, I will be waiting for you." He kissed my cheek and began to leave. Jo, sensing something was going on, left the room and I thanked God for her intuition.

"James wait." I heard myself say before he could get to the door. He turned back and before he could say another word, I threw my arms around him and kissed him on the lips. Almost nine years it had been since I had kissed someone like this. He pulled away, still holding my waist and grinned.

"Where did that come from?" He asked and I looked down, embarrassed.

"I have…feelings for you too. I've been trying to deny them, but God knows I can't anymore and tonight, seeing the way you were with Jo and your confession…I've cared for you for a while now as well. I'm sort of madly in love with you." He kissed me again then and I could almost see Jack grinning because I had finally taken that step.

By the time Jo entered school in the fall, we were married and the following June, I found out I was expecting a child with James. Our love was very different from the spontaneous love that Jack and I had shared. It was more mature, less intense. We were content. Happy. Still, my mind drifted back to those stolen moments with Jack often and I found myself wishing James could let loose and have fun with me the way Jack had. I wouldn't trade him for the world though and despite his differences from Jack, I loved him wholeheartedly. James Calvert Jr. was born March 21, 1923 with a full head of red hair and his father's amber eyes. He made sure everyone knew he was here and cried loud enough to wake the dead.

Liz and Randy brought Jo to the hospital the next day and she timidly entered the room, still dressed in her school clothes. I smiled at her and motioned for her to come to me. She crawled into Jim's lap where he sat on the side of the bed and I pulled back the blanket a bit to give her a better look at her brother.

"Oh…" She said softly, her voice becoming hushed and awestruck.

"This is James." I said, touching her hand.

"He's funny looking…his face is all bunched up." She said, wrinkling her nose. Jim laughed.

"Sweetheart, he was just born." He said, "He'll look different in a few days." Jo nodded.

"I sure hope so, poor baby." She replied.

When little James was three, I came home from work to find Josephine already home. I could faintly hear her crying in the bathroom. Setting Jamie up with a toy, I knocked softly on the door worried.

"What's the matter JoJo?" I asked and she quietly opened the door. She was a mess. Her hair disheveled and her clothes in a pile. I could see the stains on them and suddenly I knew.

"Oh Jo…" I said, bending to pick up the clothing and covered her with a towel.

"And this happens to all girls?" She asked, wiping her eyes. I nodded.

"I'm afraid so." I said, brushing through her tangled curls.

"Then I don't want to be a girl." She said defiantly and I laughed.

"Not much you can do about it now sweetheart." I said and looked up as Jim came in the room.

"Everything alright?" He asked. I nodded.

"Jo just had a little accident but we took care of it, didn't we?" I asked her. She nodded, mortified. "Sweetie…why don't you go play with Jamie so I can talk to Dad." I told her and she left quietly.

"What happened?" He asked, kissing my head. I sighed.

"She's begun her cycle." I said softly and he looked confused.

"Her cycle… realized and sat beside me on her bed. "Wasn't she just seven last week?" He asked and I laughed.

"Six years ago honey." He took my hand and kissed it.

"Happy?" He asked, as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Do you even have to ask?"


	4. Another Loss, A Discovery

_A ship there is and she sails the sea  
She's loaded deep as deep can be  
But not so deep as the love I'm in  
I know not if I sink or swim_

When Josephine was sixteen and little James was six, I found out I was going to have another child. James was thrilled, even though I was a bit surprised since it had been seven years since I had last been pregnant. I was now thirty-five years old. We had long since moved from Santa Monica to Cedar Rapids, Iowa where James had been transferred to a law firm and was making better money. All in all we were extremely content. I had begun toying with clay and had taken a liking to sculpting.

Jo had won an award at her school for outstanding artist and had an interview with an art professor just outside Philadelphia in December. I was not looking forward to going to the place I had left and where Caledon Hockley still resided no doubt. Still, she was the first girl to be accepted in for an interview at the art school and I had no doubt in my mind she would get in. Unfortunately by that time, I would not be able to go with her to the interview since I would be heavily pregnant.

"So what is this man's name?" I asked her upon reading the letter inviting her there.

"Um…Professor Rose." She said, reading the name at the bottom. She laughed. "Hey! That's a good sign right? Same name!" I laughed and looked at the paper.

"Sweetheart, that is his last name. His first name is right here and its…Thomas." I raised an eyebrow. "Hm." I said, setting the letter down. Looking at the clock, I frowned. James wasn't home yet and it was nearly seven.

"Ma is everything alright?" Jo asked and I rubbed my head.

"Fine Jo…take your brother into the kitchen and give him some dinner. I'm going to rest."

That night changed my life again. Eight rolled by…nine…ten…twelve. James didn't come home. I was panicked and there wasn't a damn thing I could do. A knock on the door brought me out of my troubled sleep at two in the morning. I met Jo on the way to the front door who was also alarmed and grabbed my hand.

"Who would be here at two in the morning?" She asked and I truly was afraid to answer that question. Opening the door, I found myself staring at two police officers. No. Jo gasped.

"Mrs. Calvert?" One said I nodded feverishly. Four months before my baby was due.

"We have some news on your husband." He said and Jo looked at me.

"Ma, where's Daddy?"

"Jo, go upstairs with Jamie."

"But…"

"Now!" She raced up the stairs and I knew she was scared witless.

"Come in." I said, waving them into the living room and turning on the lamp.

"We apologize for barging in on you like this but…"

"No it's fine. What happened to my husband?" I asked and the man sighed.

"There was an incident. In town. He was leaving his office and he saw an old woman's store being robbed. He tried to stop the criminal, not realizing he had a gun and was shot three times. Once in the chest and twice in the arm." The man's voice had trailed off and I could only stare at him in shock.

"Is he…?" I began and the man nodded.

"There was nothing we could do. He asked us to give you this before he died." He handed me a handkerchief. Inside it was his wedding ring and wallet. My husband was dead.

My wonderful, incredible, astounding husband was dead and yet, no tears came. They went over some details with me and left me to my thoughts. Josephine came out from behind the corner of the hall. I could see she was crying.

"Mama…" She said and I held my arms out to her. She crawled onto the couch and lay with her head in my lap.

"I'm not going to Philadelphia Mama." She choked out and I nodded, knowing we wouldn't be able to afford it for a while.

"I know baby. We'll get you there." I felt numb. As cold as I did that night in the water. I had lost two men in my life both after two in the morning.

James was put into the ground the following Tuesday. October 23, 1928. Neither of us had parents or siblings so it was mainly just Liz and Randy with their kids, and the children and I along with Jim's partner and his wife. We said our goodbyes to them and Liz and Randy came back to the house. They'd caught the train to Des Moines and had come straight here. They were going to stay with us for a while. Dave and Belinda chatted easily with Jo, who had Jamie on her lap. Dave had become quite the handsome young fiend. He had light blonde hair like his mother and her green eyes. Belinda took after Randy with brown hair and eyes. Jo's hair was such a brilliant shade of red that people found themselves unable to tear their eyes off of her and yet, she never noticed. She wasn't quite the girly girl, as her favorite attire was pants and an old button down shirt. She owned one black dress, which she was wearing today and always wore her long red hair in a braid down her back.

Dave and Jo shared an unspoken bond between them since they were so alike. He was desperately trying to get a scholarship to Harvard since Liz and Randy didn't have the money to send him there. Jo referred to Dave as her older brother. Belinda had no interest in anyone but herself at fourteen. Jamie hadn't cried much, I hardly think he understood what was happening in all this but when he'd seen his father lying in the casket, it sunk in a bit and he wrapped his arms around me as if I could forever change what had happened. I didn't cry until later that night when Jo came into my room.

"Mama?" I looked up from my book and tried to smile. "I wrote to Professor Rose today."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." She laid beside me for a minute before saying, "Mama?"

"Mmm?" I answered, pretending to read.

"I'm scared. How will we go on without Dad?" She asked and I could see a tear running down her nose.

"We'll manage love." I said, pulling her closer.

"It isn't fair! Why do horrible things happen to good people?" She asked and I knew she wasn't only talking about James.

"I don't know Jo. It must be God's will."

"That's horse shit Ma." She said and I gasped in surprise. She didn't curse much, but when she did she was mad.

"Josephine." I said warningly and she sat up.

"No! It is! They teach us all our lives that God loves us and wants to be happy when in reality, he couldn't give a damn. Ripping apart families before the baby is born. Sinking unsinkable ships! Starting world wars. What's next?" She asked and I held her tighter then, wanting so badly to take her pain away. She looked at me.

"So in my life I've lost two fathers. One who I want to know more than anyone and one who I love as much as if he were my real father…it's _not fair!_" She sobbed and as if a barrier had broken, I was able to cry.

"Oh Ma, don't cry…I'm sorry. That was dumb." She said laying her head in my lap.

"No Jo, it's wonderful. I needed to cry. And you're right. It isn't fair, but unfortunately life isn't fair." She looked up at me then, her broken heart in her eyes and said.

"I love you Ma. I know I don't say it much, but I do. I wish I could have told Dad before…you know." She said, pressing her cheek against my pregnant belly. The baby was kicking full force tonight as if it could tell we were all unhappy.

"Mama?" I looked toward my doorway to see Jamie standing there with his blanket. I reached out and he came running to us, as Jo hoisted him onto the bed. That night I slept with both of my children in the tiny room my husband and I had shared.

Luke was born the day before Christmas with brown hair and blue eyes. He was much quieter than James had been. More like Jo. They bonded right away and from the moment Luke was born, Jo was his guardian. Jamie had always clung to me, so she hadn't had the same bonding with him, but Luke much preferred his sister to anyone besides myself. Of course he liked me; I fed him and bathed him. Jo played with him. After his birth, things seemed to improve a bit for us. I found a job at a craft store, specializing in pottery and soon became quite good. Money was tight without James, especially with three children, but Jo pulled her weight and somewhat took over as man of the house.

She got a job at a horse farm, making about ten dollars a week. It wasn't much, but it kept food on the table while I paid the bills. She came home at night, filthy and exhausted but never complained. The summer after her seventeenth birthday, we'd gone into Des Moines to pick up Liz and Randy with their kids at the train station and I'd seen Cal. Jo had not been paying attention and was trying to wrangle Jamie into his shoes. She was dressed up since we were all going out to dinner and for once her hair was down and tied in the back with a blue bow to match the light blue dress she'd bought. She'd been running after James, who was coming straight for me and had run flat into Mr. Hockley himself.

"Oh I am so sorry!" She'd cried, as I ducked out of the sight line.

"Quite alright Miss…" He'd replied calmly, as she nodded apologetically and as she began to walk away, I saw him turn his head ever so slowly as if in recognition and called after her.

"Excuse me miss!" He said beginning to run toward us as she reached us and picked up Jamie.

"Ma…that man is Caledon Hockley! The steel mogul!" She said and I grabbed her wrist.

"We need to go. Now." I said with urgency and pulled us both into a doorway as he ran past looking confused.

"Do you know him?" Jo asked, looking at me. Jamie was pouting since Jo had caught him and put his shoes back on him. Liz and Randy stepped off the train with the kids a few moments later and I breathed in relief. To my surprise Dave, had grown tall and lithe and was an extremely handsome boy. Belinda was a sweet looking little thing, but the attitude of her was that of a snobbish pit bull. Liz had written to me about how endlessly vain she was and how rude.

"Jesus Jo, is that you?" Dave asked, punching her arm lightly. She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah yeah…" She said and suddenly, they were gabbing openly about people she'd known in Santa Monica and how this person was married and that person had died. Liz grabbed my arm and gave me a squeeze.

"How are you holding?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know…it still seems like he's just at work or something. The baby keeps us all busy, but it's been hard. Money is bad and Jo is overworked too."

Randy sighed.

"Poor kid. She shouldn't be doing that hard labor for nothin' but scraps." He said and I nodded.

"I've told her she doesn't have to work, but her response is always, 'But Ma, I want to help.'" I shifted the baby to my other hip since he was getting so big, so fast.

"He looks just like you Rose…" Liz said, laughing at Jamie who was holding Jo's hand and trying to kick every rock he saw. They were quite a pair, the two of them with their fiery red hair. Thankfully, Jo hadn't gotten the skin of a redhead. She was quite tan from working in the sun. Jamie, however burned easily so he had to wear a hat at all times.

"Jo…" Jamie had whined to her. "Carry me!" She rolled her eyes, but picked him up.

"James, you are seven years old, you are getting too big for this." She said and he began to play with one of her curls.

"But it's hot…I'm tired…" I had to laugh at his whining because I knew she was gritting her teeth by the way her jaw was set.

"Tell me another crybaby." She said, putting him on her back and carrying him that way.

"I ain't no crybaby Jo!" He said and she laughed, rolling her eyes and looking at Dave.

"Ain't is not a word Jamie."

For the briefest of moments, I saw the playfulness in Jo and Dave that I remembered from my short time with Jack and it made me smile, but theirs was a different kind of affection for each other. Dave was her best friend and she thought of him only as a brother as he thought of her as his sister. It almost saddened me, but at the same time, Jo's dreams and ambitions to write and draw put a barrier on any attempt to have a relationship. She was still seething over the fact that she had better grades than everyone in her school and Harvard nor any other school other than a women's college would accept her. She'd begun selling her drawings for fifty cents apiece only under the name J. Dawson so men would simply assume she was a man and buy them unbiased.

The September before she'd turned eighteen, we were sitting about in the house on a rainy day when she came in the house with a newspaper, dazed. I looked up at her and became instantly worried. Jamie and Luke were both napping.

"Jo, you look like you've seen a ghost. What is it?" She turned the paper around to show me and I would never forget that headline.

**NEW EVIDENCE MAY SAVE THE DAWSON SOAP FORTUNE. JACKSON DAWSON JR. MAY HAVE LEFT AN HEIR.**

The words ran over and over in my mind. Jackson Dawson Jr. I read the article which was brief. It was definitely him. His sister had received word from him while he was on the Titanic and he'd informed her that he'd met someone and would be returning within the week. His sister was long since married, being seven years older than him. His father Jackson Dawson Sr. had grown up in Chippewa Falls and had created his own fortune from the ground up. They'd moved to Boston, leaving the family home but returning for vacations to keep their roots.

"Are you of the Boston Dawsons?" Mr. Astor had asked Jack whose eyes had widened as he'd shook his head quickly.

"No, the uh, Chippewa Falls Dawsons actually." He said and J.J. had nodded vaguely.

"Oh yes…" A faint recognition had been in his eyes but Jack looked into his champagne before anyone could ask another question. We'd _met _the Boston Dawsons at a few of Cal's parties, but Jack had already been gone. In the article it said he'd left home when he was fifteen after his parents had died and had written his sister Livvy on and off. I laughed suddenly as Jo looked at me like I were crazy. He was filthy rich. The poor love of my life had been the heir to one of the biggest soap fortunes in America.

"Ma…you like you're going to either cry or laugh…what are you thinking?" I shook my head, my mouth in a small smile as I looked at her and said,

"I'll be God damned."


	5. Olivia Banks

_O love is handsome and love is fine  
And love's a jewel while it is new  
But when it is old it grows so cold  
And fades away like morning dew_

"Please wait here…" A maid told Jo and I as we sat in the parlor of Olivia Dawson-Banks' home. After that article, I had written to her with Jo's blessing, and told her about our experience on the _Titanic,_ and how her little brother had saved my life. Jo was nervously fidgeting with her skirt. Her hair was pulled back and I could tell she was torn up over everything that had happened in the past three weeks. We'd received word from Jack's sister telling us to come straight out to meet her. Her husband, Grant, was a successful businessman, selling stocks and they had three children together, all of whom were grown as well.

"Mrs. Banks will see you in the library." The maid said, pointing us into the room. Jo gripped my hand as we walked into the room together. A surprisingly normal looking woman stood near the fireplace with her back to us. Her brassy blonde hair was pinned up but she had a humble aura about her that made me feel a bit better about this. Jo looked at me nervously.

"Well damn, I'm not going to bite…sit." The woman said in a pleasant voice, her eyes mischievous.

"Uh…thanks." Jo said, settling onto a chaise lounge awkwardly. She looked at me for some sort of help, and dumbly, I pulled out Jo's birth certificate, the only proof of anything I could offer.

"I wish there was something I could show you to prove that she is your brother's child, but unfortunately, I was left with nothing. There was a drawing…" Olivia held her hand up to silence my rambling and grinned.

"I don't need to see some birth certificate…look at her. I mean, besides the red hair…she's Jack. Of course, she's a little prettier." I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh or cry or what. Jo looked completely uncomfortable.

"How old are you, Josephine?" She asked, sitting beside my daughter.

"Seventeen." She said, her hands folded properly in her lap. She was the same age I had been when I'd become pregnant with her.

"You'll be graduating high school soon then?" She asked and, looking at me, Jo said,

"I already did. I skipped a grade." She explained as she'd taken a test and was promoted from Junior to Senior status. Olivia looked thoroughly impressed.

"He would never tell anyone, but he was the top of his class." She sighed. "After our parents died, I was only twenty-two and he was fifteen. He dropped out, saying he needed to go find himself and while I would hear from him sometimes…I never saw him again. He told me he was coming home on that ship and well, he didn't."

I didn't know what to say. It hurt me, because I'd never gotten to know this side of Jack. I mean, we'd spent four days together, but I realized just how little I knew about this man I'd blindly loved. Even sitting in that parlor, I loved him for what he was. A good person. I felt extremely robbed, and as I had when I'd first found out I was pregnant with Jo, I silently berated God for doing me wrong, though I knew it was not His fault.

Jo obviously didn't know what to say, so she replied thoughtfully.

"I'm so sorry for your loss." I looked at her incredulously for I had never heard of someone expressing sympathy for someone else in the loss of her own father. Apparently, Olivia felt the same way because she replied,

"But it was you loss too dear." Jo shook her head.

"How could it be? I didn't know him…I don't even know what he looked like." She said intelligently and suddenly I understood. How could she grieve over someone that she didn't know? She'd heard bits and pieces of the few days I'd had with him, but since he was practically a stranger to me, he was more so to her.

"Don't you ever wish you had a father?" Olivia asked kindly, sitting beside my daughter. Jo shook her head.

"I had a father…a good one too. His name was James Calvert." She said so gracefully, it nearly brought tears to my eyes. It had always amazed me how much she had adored Jim, but I suppose she had wanted a father so badly that he had given her that, at least before he'd died.

"Oh dear…I'm so sorry…" Olivia sat, patting her hand. "I hadn't realized your husband was…" I nodded, hoping she would stop. She did.

"I…would show you pictures of him, unfortunately, they are all packed away at the cottage in Chippewa Falls. I've been debating whether or not to sell it, but I just can't seem to part with it. Jack did love it, as did my parents and I." Olivia explained regretfully. I sighed, disappointed as I had vaguely hope that this trip would give me the chance to see him again. The rest of the night was pleasant enough as we ate dinner with her and I gave Olivia the details of Jo's life and how gifted she was with art. Apparently, both of the Dawson children as well as Jackson Dawson Sr. were blessed with talent as well. We left Olivia the next day with the promise to keep in touch and prepared to return to Cedar Rapids to the boys where Liz and Randy were staying with them.

Just as we were boarding, a young man who looked to be about the same age as Jo stepped off the train with two of his friends and three girls and nearly knocked Jo over, causing her to drop her suitcase.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry miss…" He said, bending to help her pick up her things as his friends snickered as the girls giggled haughtily. I stared at that boy because there was something vaguely familiar in his slate gray eyes and brilliant black hair. Jo flushed embarrassed.

"No…it's fine I should have been paying attention, I…" She stopped and to my amazement their gazes locked for a moment. I'd never seen Jo lose her train of thought.

One of the attendants was waving us over frantically as the train was ready. I nodded at him.

"Jo…" She didn't reply, so I tried again. "Jo." Still nothing. "Josephine!" Her head snapped toward me. "We have to go sweetheart." She nodded and gave the boy a quick smile as she gathered her suitcase and rose to her feet.

"Thank you…uh…" She faltered, not knowing his name.

"Johnny." He said. She nodded.

"Jo." She replied, following me quickly.

"Johnny…" One of the girls, a blonde, whined, "What about the party?" I couldn't hear anything else as I was helped onto the train. As the train began to leave a few minutes later and we were seated, I noticed that boy was still standing there grinning.

"So…how was the trip?" Liz asked once we got home and settled the following day. I smiled.

"Olivia was wonderful…she's just as I would have hoped." I frowned as Jo had disappeared into her room after kissing Jamie and Luke. I nearly died when she re-emerged an hour later after taking a bath with her hair combed and down and she was wearing one of her school dresses. I raised my eyebrows as Liz looked up in surprise and as the red flushed her pretty cheeks, she turned and sprinted right back into her room, changing again into her everyday clothes, she left her hair down though.

"Ma?" She asked later that evening after Liz and Randy had gone and I had fed the boys.

"Yes?" I asked, going over some of our bills.

"Do you think those boys in Boston went to Harvard?" She asked miserably. I looked up at her, surprised.

"Well I don't know, Jo…I suppose it's possible…" I replied, eyeing her. "Why do you ask?" She sighed.

"They just don't know how lucky they are…" She said, resigning herself to the fact that she would not be attending a university. "Professor Rose wrote back." She finally said, clutching the letter in her hand.

"What does he say?" I asked her, glad someone was encouraging her in her talents.

"He said, he hopes I will be able to come to Philadelphia someday and to keep up with my art. He said if you love something, never to give it up." I nodded, pleased with this.

"How right he is…you're going to be fine Jo Dawson…so long as you always remember you're better than most people, but keep your feet on the ground." It was silent again then for a few minutes before her voice broke the silence again.

"Ma…do you think I am pretty?" She asked seriously and I had to look up at her in shock. She had never cared about her looks before.

"Josephine…what a question to ask…where is this coming from?" I asked her, nearly horrified. She frowned.

"Well do you?" I shook my head, a bit angry.

"No Jo…you are not pretty…you are astoundingly beautiful…and don't you ever ask me again…then again, why ask me at all…you know I am biased. I think the sun sets and rises over the three of you." Jo smiled sadly.

"I love you Ma…and I just want to tell you that I am sick of waiting for some miracle. I am saving up money and getting us out of here…it's time to make it count." She left the room then and I watched her leave, stricken. It had been Jack's own words that had left her mouth.

"_I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count"_


	6. Josephine Dawson

_Come Josephine in my flying machine  
Going up she goes  
Up she goes_

**Jo Dawson**

I never minded the name I was given, Josephine. It fit. Most girls complained that their names were dull or unimpressive, but I never experienced that. My childhood was a simple one, I was born in Santa Monica, California and until I was seven, my mother raised me on her own. I can still remember our run down little apartment and how, even though we had very little, we were happy. Life seemed to begin for me when my mother married James Calvert. I never had trouble adjusting to him as a father, perhaps because I'd never known my own father. All I knew of him was his name and that I resembled him and could draw like he could.

All my life, I had been out to achieve something, to make something of my life. Ma always said I was the easiest child to raise, because I could have raised myself if she would have allowed me to. After Jim died, things got hard again with mom having two boys as well as me to support, so I took the initiative and got a job at a horse farm, which I despised. When I was seventeen, I learned I had an aunt on my father's side and with my mother, met her at her home in Boston. She was wonderful…just as I would have wished her to be.

During high school, I had been contacted by a professor of art wishing me to study under him. I'd tried to apply at a university but had not been accepted for one poor excuse or another. I'd all but given up hope when I'd gotten his letter. For nearly three years I'd scrimped and saved, trying to save up enough money to go to Philadelphia, and when Aunt Olivia offered a room in her home for the summer when I was nineteen, I accepted, enrolling in a finishing school's art program. Still, I found it very strange that through the whole summer I stayed with her, I had yet to see a picture of Jack. I couldn't bring myself to refer to him as Dad, or father even yet. It was too strange.

When Aunt Olivia saw my drawings, she immediately offered to give me the money to travel to Philadelphia with my mother and brothers. Reluctantly Ma had accepted and we'd brought the boys and most of our things to a hotel my Aunt had arranged for us. I was overwhelmed, since it was all so grand, but when I met Professor Rose, all of my fear and trepidations of what he would be like were quelled. He looked younger than I'd imagined as I had pictured some fifty year old with graying hair and a beard. This man was at the most, maybe a few years older than my mother, in his early forties. He had a day's worth of stubble which fit the tan complexion of his face well, and shaggy, but well kept hair. Inwardly, I snickered, thinking I could tease Ma about him…she never allowed herself to have fun. What caught me the most about Thomas Rose, was his eyes. They were so warm, I immediately felt comfortable with him.

I'd walked into his studio around noon that first day and was staring at his works on the wall…though it was odd to me that he didn't sign his work.

"Josephine Dawson?" A lighthearted male voice made me jump, to which a chuckle followed.

"Yeah…sorry." I said stupidly, turning around. He was not an extremely tall man, but he was by no means short and for the smallest of moments I think he swallowed really hard.

"I'm Thomas Rose…just call me Tom." He said, extending his hand to me. I nodded politely.

"Call me Jo, if you wouldn't mind…I've never gone by Josephine."

"Alright…Jo." He began sitting casually in one of the meager chairs in the studio. "How much do you know about art?" He asked kindly and she thought back to the summer program.

"Just basic things like shading and how to draw really…most of what I've done just kind of came naturally to me. I draw what I see." He smiled then, almost proudly.

"I was like that as a kid too. Alright then…let's start, from the beginning." He said, standing and pulling out a piece of sketch paper and an art pencil, which I took from him and sat at his drawing table.

"The first thing you need to know about art is exactly what you just told me. You draw what you see. What do you see Jo?" He asked and I frowned.

"I don't know what you mean Professor…"

"Tom." He corrected with a laugh. "No, I just meant, what do you like to draw?" I felt thoroughly stupid.

"Oh…well…mostly people…sometimes animals…like horses." I replied to which he nodded.

"Great…as you can see I do a lot of portraits and life drawing, but lately I've been really enjoying scenery. I am actually an architect. Have been for about eighteen years now."

I laughed.

"How old are you?" I asked and he sighed, chuckling.

"Pretty ancient. I just turned forty this September." He said, making a face. I had to laugh. He was like a big kid. I set down my pencil and said,

"You know…for some reason, I always thought architects were stuffy old men." He shrugged, sitting across from me and picking up another pencil.

"Sorry to disappoint." He grinned and nodded toward the paper. "Start, shall we?" I nodded nervously and he suddenly became very businesslike. "Okay…first thing…just a small test. Let's draw something from memory. Any memory you might have."

By the time we had finished, I had a picture of a young woman with curls asleep with her head on the kitchen table. He'd drawn a little boy and his father fishing. I frowned at my drawing because I hadn't wanted to draw that.

"Who is that? Is it you?" Tom asked me and I shook my head, blinking back tears.

"No. It's my mother. Back before she married my stepfather, we used to live in this shitty little apartment in Santa Monica, California. She'd come home every night from work and manage to cook dinner, but sometimes it got to her, and I remember this one time I was in my room reading, I was about five and she was crying her eyes out. I was too afraid to ask her what was wrong, so I waited until she stopped and then I went into the kitchen to see what the matter was. I found her like this on the table…so I turned off the stove and wrapped a small blanket around her. I still remember that like it was yesterday."

"What happened to your real dad?" He asked kindly, and though it usually would have bothered me, I could tell that Tom was not a malicious person.

"Oh, I never knew him. He died before I was born." I explained and the man nodded in understanding. I took a breath before changing the subject.

"What is yours about?" I asked and he smiled sadly.

"Back when I was around seven or eight, we used to live on a lake. It was real nice. Quiet. My dad and I used to fish all the time. I miss that…he died when I was just a kid." I sighed.

"Oh, I'm sorry…" I said, unable to think of the right thing to say. He shrugged.

"It was a long time ago. All you can do is move on with your life because you only get to live once. At least that's I how see it, ya know?"

"Yeah. I mean, my stepfather died when I was sixteen and Ma was pregnant with my youngest brother Luke. It was hard for me…because he was so good to her…I mean, she didn't deserve to lose him too. I mean, I'm just glad the nightmares didn't come back." I shut up then, realizing I was talking too much. Confusion filled my teacher's eyes.

"Nightmares?" He asked and I nodded, unable to stop.

"She um…there was this traumatic experience she had before I was born…I mean, you remember that ship, the Titanic and all that mess?"

He nodded uncomfortably.

"Sure do…everyone who was around back then remembers that…lost a few friends myself because of that disaster." He said, sitting back and seeming to remember it as if it had just happened.

"Well, she used to call out in her sleep or she'd wake up screaming." I said, feeling like I was betraying her somehow, but I'd never talked to anyone about this before and it felt wonderful.

"Like what?" He asked curiously and I bit my lip.

"Like, 'Mama', or 'Stop it!' Mostly though, she just called out for Jack. That was my father. I never told her I heard it."

"Man…that's awful Jo, I'm sorry your mom had to go through that." He said sincerely and I nodded my gratitude.

"Thank you…you know…to this day she will not even get on a ferry." I said. "I've been on boats dozens of times, but she won't go." He nodded.

"Stuff like that will mess a person up." He said and I swallowed heavily, feeling a sense of guilt.

I left his studio with a new appreciation for my mother and planned to tell her when I heard a voice beside me.

"Hey! Don't I know you?" I turned to look and recognized the boy but I couldn't recall from where.

"I think so…have we met?" He asked and I shrugged, thinking when suddenly a random name came into my mind.

"Johnny!" I said, miraculously recalling his name. He'd helped me at the train station in Boston a while back. He grinned.

"I knew it…Jo, right?" He asked and I nodded surprised.

"Why haven't I seen you around Boston?" He asked and I laughed.

"I don't live in Boston, I'm actually from Cedar Rapids, Iowa…What are you doing here?" He grinned.

"I live here...well, my family does. I just graduated from college..." He said and though jealousy shot through me, I managed a polite smile.

"Oh, I am studying art under Thomas Rose." I explained getting an impressed look from him.

"Well, he is very good from what I hear…what's he like? I hear he's some veteran who survived an explosion or something." He said and I laughed.

"Where did you hear that? He's an architect…a very normal man." I said, as the clock began to chime through the city and suddenly, I remembered it was close to dinner time and we had been invited somewhere.

"Look, I have to go Johnny…maybe I'll see you around." I said, hurrying away and I heard him say,

"Maybe."


	7. The Dinner Party

_Oh! Say! Let us fly dear_

_Were, kid? In the sky dear_

_Oh you flying machine_

_Jump in, Miss Josephine_

_Ship ahoy!_

"Josephine, is that you?" Ma called as I walked into the door of our hotel room. I stopped dead. She only called me by my full name when something was wrong.

"Yes Ma, is everything alright?" I asked, setting my makeshift portfolio on the table and walking into the bedroom of the suite. Ma was frantically looking for something and was half dressed for dinner, her hair half pinned up. I had to admit, I'd never seen her this flustered and I laughed. She glared at me.

"Not funny…help!" She begged, pointing to the buttons on the back of her new dress. "I haven't worn a new dress in God knows how long…you're late Jo. How was your session?" She asked quickly, beginning to pin the rest of her hair up.

"Sorry I'm late, Ma…it was wonderful! Tom…Professor Rose is really a nice man. He's young too Ma…" I teased her. I could see her roll her eyes at me in the mirror.

"I'll pass…" She responded dryly.

"Where are the boys?" I asked and Ma suddenly grinned.

"Actually, we kind of have guests." She said and motioned toward the sitting room of the suite. I gave her a look of confusion and gently opened the door to find Dave, Liz and Randy sitting there with the boys.

"Jo!" Dave said, looking up. Instantly, I forgot the dinner party.

"Oh my God! What are you doing here?" I asked, and he nodded toward his parents.

"My mother just had to come here when your mother called her and she offered to watch the boys tonight. I, on the other hand, am coming to the party with you, as you could tell…" He turned proudly in his new tuxedo.

"Yeah you look like a regular first-class Joe." I commented, shaking my head and turning to go back in the room and dress. Ma was waiting for me with the dress in her hand. I gasped at the sight of it.

"Look at that thing! I could light the whole damned city of Philadelphia with it." I said, pulling off the day dress and stepping into the beaded creation with Ma's help. Luckily it was a zipper dress. Thank Heaven for zippers.

"Here, let me show you how to pin your hair…" Ma said, stepping behind me and seating me at the vanity. Expertly, she pinned up my vast amount of thick red hair and I had to admit, I was impressed.

"Where did you learn that?" I asked and she smiled strangely.

"Experience, Jo…It's time for me to face my demons." She replied, scaring me.

"What are you talking about Mom?" I asked facing her, using the more formal name. She looked almost through me for a moment before taking my hands.

"Jo, I…I have to tell you something, but you have to promise not to judge me." Now she was downright terrifying me.

"Oh my God…did you murder someone?" I asked, half jokingly. Her expression didn't change.

"I haven't been fully truthful with you about myself Josephine…" She said, folding her hands elegantly in her lap. I didn't say anything to this, I just watched her expression.

"You see…I was born in Manhattan to Ruth and George Dewitt Bukater. We were…wealthy…to say the least. My father died when I was fifteen and we were broke. My mother had no idea how to support herself. Needless to say, soon after that, I became engaged to Caledon Hockley." I think my mouth must have fallen to the floor because she gave me a strange look then.

"Anyway…" She continued, "I didn't love him. Not ever. I didn't hate him either…I tolerated him for Mother. It so happened we traveled to Europe before we were to be married and the passage back happened to be on the R.M.S. Titanic, which as you've heard and read, was a disaster. And, as you know, that is where I met Jack Dawson. Your father." I nodded, curiously.

"Go on…" I said. She nodded, trying to take a breath.

"Well…I made a decision the day it sank…the day…well, after I realized Jack was gone…I wasn't going back…I mean, I wasn't going to be me anymore…so I changed my name to Jack's last name, and let my family and the people I had known in society think I had perished."

Suddenly, I understood.

"All this time, these people didn't know…and you're just going to walk through those doors tonight at the Hockley home and pretend like nothing ever happened." I said and she shook her head.

"Of course not Jo! I mean, I admit, things will be quite…interesting…but I will not pretend nothing ever happened…but these people…I am so afraid to face them again. I mean…and it's in Cal's home…" She was stuttering like a sixteen year old. I put a supportive arm around her and thought a moment.

"But Mom…Caledon Hockley died three years ago…you won't have to see him and your mother…well, I don't know about her…but you chose a life you wanted…those people never did a Goddamn thing for you...and you met Jim…and had Luke and Jamie…and I mean, do you honestly think your mother would have liked you having me when you were supposed to marry Hockley? You did the right thing Mom. I think Jack would have been really proud of you."

It was always awkward to talk about Jack with her since I'd obviously never met the man, nor had a clue what he looked like and she became melancholy whenever he was mentioned. She didn't this time; she simply smiled and said,

"Thank you Jo…" Taking my hand, we walked into the other room and said our goodbyes to Liz, Randy and the boys. Dave offered me his arm jokingly, which my mother took. I laughed and took the other arm. As we were walking out of the hotel room, I caught our reflection in the hall mirror and I honestly couldn't recognize myself. Strangely, I reminded myself of my mother. Dave was talking about all of the girls he was going to woo when we got there.

The cab ride was pretty short considering the Hockley's live about four blocks from the hotel. Olivia was meeting us there. She'd arrived this afternoon while I was at Tom's studio. A doorman opened the cab door for us and actually helped us out of the car. Dave and I gave each other a look of surprise as Mom tipped the man. He winked at her and showed us inside, where another butler type took our coats and hats.

"You could lose a lot of money like this…" Dave joked as we tipped the butler. As we were walking out of the coat room, I was suddenly very aware that people were whispering about me, so I sort of tried to hide behind Mom and Dave, who was unaffected. Mom, if she was nervous, did a damn good job of hiding it.

I heard an older couple whisper to each other as we walked by them.

"Is that who I think it is?"

"Mind your own business Edna…" Her husband retorted.

"But I could swear that girl was…" He hushed her before she said anything else. I frowned, gripping Dave's sleeve. We nearly fell over when he stopped dead in his tracks and I ran right into the back of him.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at him and all he could do was point at the object of his attention.

I followed his finger to see a tiny blonde with a pretty, but sad smile. She had big blue eyes and was wearing a white gown, making her look almost angelic. I liked her instantly. She looked over at us and Dave jumped, pushing me backwards and I nearly fell over an older man.

"Oh I am so so sorry sir…" I stammered, hitting Dave in the back.

"Relax you two…" Mom said, and I could hear the nerves in her voice. I grabbed her hand like a child of three.

"I don't like these people Ma…" I said softly. "They stare too much and whisper."

"Get used to it sweetheart." Olivia's voice came from beside us. "It's society." Grant nodded politely at us and said,

"Livvy, the table is ready and they're going to be seating shortly." She kissed him on the cheek and nodded as he walked away.

"Thank goodness for assigned seating." She said with a wave of her hand. Mom laughed and we began to follow Olivia into the dining room. Literally everyone in the room stopped talking when they saw Mom. Everyone. I heard her sigh as one woman stood up.

"I must be seeing things…I could swear you were Rose Dewitt Bukater…but that's impossible…Rose has been dead for twenty years…" My mother's composure was admirable. Dryly, she said,

"Rose Dewitt Bukater _is _dead." With that, she pulled me to our seats and I noticed the nametag across from mine said, _Jonathan Hockley_. I rolled my eyes. Just what I needed. The same woman who recognized my mother walked around the table to see her.

"I can't believe it's you Rose…I haven't seen you since…since…the night you got engaged." The woman shot a glance at another well dressed society woman, who was eyeing Mom as well.

"Meribeth, would you give the girl some room and let her eat in peace?" Olivia asked, annoyed. I looked over at Dave, who had been seated next to the blonde who was directly diagonal to me. The well dressed society woman suddenly asked her maid aloud.

"Where is Jonathan? He knows better than to keep guests waiting." As if on cue, the door to the dining room opened and a dark haired boy strode in.

"I apologize Mother…" He said, and though I hadn't really been paying attention, I noticed the room had gone quiet again. He was still standing. I looked up at him and recognized him.

"Johnny?" I asked in shock.

"Jo!" He said, sitting down happily. "Fancy meeting you here!" He said warmly and I glared at him. My mother leaned over to me.

"You know him?" I took a breath, still trying to catch up with everything and nodded.

"Remember? In Boston? He's the boy who helped me pick up my things." My mother lost some of the color in her face but smiled politely.

"Oh yes…" She said, sipping her wine.

Johnny or Jonathan as he was formally known turned to the blonde that Dave had been enamored with and said.

"Evening Gloria…how are you tonight." She smiled uncomfortably.

"Fine dear…thanks…" She replied and I frowned. It was the most awkward thing I had ever seen. I read her name card. _Gloria Edwards._

I soon found out that the woman at the head of the table was Deirdre Hockley, the wife of the deceased Caledon Hockley. One of her servants came in and announced everyone at the dinner. First was Lady Rothes, Noël Leslie and then Helen Benziger, the daughter of the late Margaret Brown. Finally, it was my turn.

"Miss Josephine Dawson, heiress to the Dawson soap fortune and daughter of…" The servant stopped to clear his throat uncomfortably, "Rose Dewitt Bukater, now Rose Calvert, and Jackson Dawson Jr. of the Boston Dawsons." Mumbles erupted from the table and I would have been tempted to bang my head on the table, were it not for the abundance of silverware meant for only me.

I looked up at Jonathan, who was grinning like a damned idiot and glared at him.

"I never would have guessed." He said lightly and I tilted my head.

"Neither would I…" I said coldly, turning my attention to the now impatient waiter who was trying to spoon some black mush onto my plate.

"What is this?" I asked him, embarrassed. He chuckled.

"Why, caviar Miss Dawson. Of course." I swallowed and nodded for him to proceed spooning some onto my plate.

Taking a small bit, I spooned a little onto a cracker and thoughtfully chewed. It was an odd taste, unlike anything I'd ever had. I turned to Mom.

"What exactly is caviar?" I asked and Jonathan smiled across the table.

"Fish eggs." She explained gently. I had the sudden urge to vomit, and sensing this, my mother swiftly handed me her napkin.

"Pretend you are wiping your mouth and spit out the caviar into it discreetly." She said and I did as such. No one noticed the difference.

"Now that we took care of that, Mom, could you please tell me what fork to use?"


	8. The Heart of the Ocean

"Jo, could you come in here for a minute?" My mother called from the bedroom we were sharing in the suite back at the hotel after the dinner. I had actively avoided Jonathan Hockley for the rest of the night and had later found out that he was engaged to the blonde, Gloria Edwards. I set down my journal, which I kept for writing ideas.

"Yes?" I asked, coming in to find her sitting at the vanity, clutching something in her hands. Turning to look at me, I could see this was something serious.

"You were wonderful tonight, Jo...you pulled it off." She said with half a smile. I made a face, sitting on the bed to face her.

"Are you kidding me? I was a wreck!" I exclaimed.

She laughed lightly and shook her head.

"No...you were the picture of modesty and poise. You will be a great addition to the Dawsons." I smiled uncomfortably. Something was troubling her. I could always sense it.

"Ma, something is bothering you...why don't you tell me what it is and quit beating around the bush?" A nervous chuckle came from her throat.

"I was going to wait until your birthday to give you this, but I thought tonight would be better...but before I do, there's something I want you to know." She warned. I nodded, curious.

"Well?" I asked impatiently.

"Caledon Hockley gave this to me when he and I were on that ship." She could never bring herself to say _Titanic,_ it was always "that ship."

"What is it?" I asked and she held it out, a large twinkling thing that made my eyes widen. It was the biggest jewel I had ever seen in my life and yet I was afraid to touch it.

"It is a very rare diamond Jo...it was once called, the _Heart of the Ocean._ It was worn by Louis XVI before he was killed. The night of the sinking, your father drew me wearing nothing but this necklace and I've always said that I was going to give it to you to do with what you will. I couldn't bring myself to pawn it, not even when we were at our lowest, Jo."

I was caught by sudden tears threatening my calm, because it was the first time she'd referred to Jack Dawson as my father and not "Jack."It was easier just to believe I didn't have a father. Jim Calvert had died, and though I loved him dearly, there was something missing, something I could never find in him that I longed for. I couldn't picture Jack, I just couldn't. I imagined him as a somewhat tall man, though from what I'd understood, he'd barely been a man when Ma had met him. He'd been...my age. Twenty. Well, I was almost twenty and I'd never even thought about boys. My mother said he'd had light hair and a winning smile. Then again, how many men in America had light hair and a winning smile? If that was the case, then _Tom _could have been my father, which was laughable. It wasn't enough. But I didn't want to see a photo. Secretly, I was glad Olivia's pictures of Jack were in Chippewa Falls. That way, I didn't know what I was missing.

"Jo? You haven't said anything..." Ma's voice brought me out of my thoughts as the damned diamond was dangling in front of me. Trembling, I took it from her and gently cradled it in the palms of my hands.

"It's...something." I said, afraid to move, or breathe, or even think. It was incredible and terrifying all at once and I had to set it back in the makeshift case she'd taken it from.

"I...don't know what to say." I said, still facing the vanity.

"Oh Jo...you don't have to say anything...I just thought you should have it." She put her arm on my shoulder and I whirled to face her, sudden courage coursing through me.

"What did he look like? Really?" I asked, and she frowned.

"Who? Cal?" She asked in confusion. I shook my head.

"My father. Jack...my Dad." I said, knowing damn well I sounded like a fool. She smiled at me then and I could relax for the last thing I'd wanted was to make her cry.

"To me? Like a guardian angel...he had this...gold...I mean shining gold hair, like yours sometimes shows in the summers. And your eyes...they're the same. But you have my mouth...his mouth was thinner, but wider...it's been twenty years...but he's still as vividly real to me as you are to me right now."

By this time, I was fighting to hide the array of emotions passing over my face.

"D-did you love him?" I asked and she turned her head to look at me, because I, being ever the skeptic, did not believe that love could happen in a matter of two days. She looked at me for a long time.

"I did, Jo. I _do..._and it's truer to me than ever, every time I look at you. Just like I know how much I loved James when I look at your brothers."

"It isn't fair..." I said, shaking my head in disgust. She chuckled.

"You say that far too much Josephine." I sighed.

"I know." I replied. "Didn't you ever think life wasn't fair?" I asked her.

"Yes Jo, I did. Life _isn't _fair...when I was seventeen and alone with no where to go...nothing, not a cent to my name and nothing to bring you up with, do you think I didn't curse fate? Do you think I wanted to wake up on that plank only to realize that your father was dead? But I remembered what your father believed in, what he stood for. He stood for life. He made his life count, and when I found out that I was having you, I vowed to make yours count too, because you made mine."

I threw myself into her arms like a kid and began to sob. Something I hadn't done since I was very young.

"Oh Mama...I love you..." I gasped, allowing her to rock me gently.

"Um...Mrs. Calvert?" The night maid's voice came from the doorway. We sat up, as the woman looked at us nervously.

"What is it Jane?" Ma asked, as I walked toward the door. The maid whispered something I couldn't hear to her and Ma's face went white. Instinctively, I walked out of the room and found an older woman standing in the living area of the suite.

"Can I help you?" I asked in confusion. She turned around, eyeing me somewhat critically from head to toe.

"Who are you?" She asked and before I could answer, Ma's arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"My _daughter..._how can I help you Mrs. Dewitt Bukater?" She asked coldly. I realized instantly who this woman was. Her mother. My grandmother.

"Deirdre Hockley called me..." The woman explained.

"Damn her." Ma spat, her grip tightening on me.

"How could you? How could you let me think you were _dead?_" The woman whispered. My mother maintained her poise.

"I suppose the same way you could pawn me off on the heir of a steel tycoon." She bit back. My mouth dropped. I'd never heard her speak with such contempt to anyone.

"I was desperate, damn it! I know I was wrong...every day since I lost you, I knew I was wrong...and all I've been able to think was God, take me...take me instead...but here you are, alive and well and with a daughter and other children, no doubt..."

The desperation in the woman's voice made me sympathize with her, but I knew my mother and I knew she only showed contempt for those who had caused her pain.

"Yes, I have two boys also...thankfully they are asleep." The woman nodded.

"Then you know...how hard it is...how old is this one? Fifteen? Sixteen?" She asked. I cringed as mother replied sharply.

"Twenty next month." A gasp left the old woman's mouth as she stared me down.

"You slept...with that boy?" She asked incredulously. My mother glared at her.

"No, she was immaculately conceived, what do you think?" I swallowed.

"Can we please stop referring to me as 'she' like I am not here?" I asked, irritated, longing to be anywhere but in front of this woman who was eyeing me like the vermin of the Earth.

"Are you married to the boy?" The woman asked, and Ma let go of me.

"The boy's name is Jack, and no, I am not. He's dead. He died twenty years ago, nearly twenty one years." Finally, some compassion shone in the woman's eyes.

"He died that night?" She asked and my mother nodded, both of them obviously reliving that night.

"Oh...God, Rose...I...I'm sorry." She began and my mother held her hand up to silence her.

"No. You are not allowed to do that...you are not allowed to show me sympathy for Jack...not after the way you treated me...and the way you treated _him._ God _damn _you for saying you're sorry!" Her voice cracked as she pointed toward the room where my brothers were sleeping.

"Josephine, go check on Jamie...he wasn't feeling well..."

"But Mama..." I began to protest, but desperation entered her voice.

"_Now._" I didn't waste another second and fled the horribly awkward scene taking place in the room.

"Jo?" Jamie asked as I came into the boys' room.

"What is it James?" I asked, sitting on his bed.

"Is Mama cryin'?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"She's got company and I was coming to see how you were feeling." I said, feeling his forehead. No fever.

"Jus' tired, Jo...I'm tired..." He said. I laid beside him and sank into the pillow.

"Then sleep." I replied. "Just sleep..."


	9. Ice Skating

I woke the next morning to the playful chatter of Luke and Jamie. I hadn't realized I'd slept in the boys' room all night long. The events of the night before slowly made their way into my mind, making me worry about my mother. I got out of the small bed and patted James on the head before going to wake up Mom. It wasn't long before I found her sleeping soundly on the sofa, her brilliant red hair in disarray, her face buried in the pillow. It was a bit jarring, since I had never seen Mom like this. In fact, I had never seen Mom anything but the epitome of composure. Kneeling beside her, I gave her a small shake and she made a sound of complaint.

"Mom...it's nine. You slept all night on the couch." I said. When she looked at me, it was obvious she had cried herself to sleep. I didn't say anything about it though.

Kissing her pale cheek, I rose and said, "I am going to take a bath. I'm meeting Tom in an hour." She nodded groggily, wiping the sleep from her eyes. I stole a glance out the window and groaned. Snow. I absolutely despised the cold and often wished I could move back to Santa Monica, where it had been warm all the time. We hadn't lived there in over a decade, but I could still remember the dingy little apartment we'd shared, and watching Mom perform in the few plays she'd done before meeting Jim. I thought she was a big star and I remember thinking she was the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the entire world. Even now, I was nineteen and she still looked the way she had when I was seven.

After I had washed and pulled my hair back into a braid, I threw on pants and a sweater, along with my snow boots and a scarf. I looked quite like a boy, especially when I put on a winter hat and coat. Before I left, Mom came out of the boys' room to say,

"Jo, please be back by four...Olivia wants us at her house by five." I grinned.

"I know Ma, I'll be here." I grabbed my supplies and noticed her looking at me strangely. I laughed.

"What?" I asked. She smiled.

"You look just like your father." Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes and jokingly replied,

"Really? Because I look in the mirror and see you!" We both had a good laugh and I stuck my tongue out at her before running out the door and into the cold air.

* * *

Tom chuckled when he saw the expression on my face as I rushed into his apartment studio.

"Rough morning?" He asked, sipping his drink. I nodded, and he held out a pitcher. "Hot cider?"

"No...thanks. You know, I hate snow!" Laughing, he brushed some of his shaggy blonde hair from his face and set the pitcher aside.

"Aw...ya don't like it? I loved winter when I was a kid." I smiled widely at him, interested.

"Where did you grow up?" For a moment I thought I saw a flicker of panic in his eyes, but he smiled.

"Ah, up north." The way he waved his hand made me realize he was uncomfortable talking about it. "My Pops used to take me ice fishing on the lake. My friends and I would skate all day and night if our parents would have let us." He smiled sadly. I looked thoughtful.

"I've never been skating. My mother would most likely have a panic attack...she's kind of quirky when it comes to some things." I giggled nervously. The truth was, Mom was kind of neurotic about any of us going anywhere near any kind of frozen water. I knew it was because of her near death experience. The pain she had described to me about that cold had haunted me. I looked up to see Tom's eyes glinting with mischief.

"What...?" I asked suspiciously. He grinned and I couldn't help thinking slyly, _Mom would die if she met him..._

"What do you say we blow off this art stuff and I teach you how to skate?" I had to laugh because the thought seemed so ridiculous, but he was serious.

"I...well..." I stopped bumbling like an idiot and smiled "Let's go!" He grabbed his coat and scarf, throwing a hat on and a pair of gloves.

As we neared the skating pond, I laughed.

"I hope you realize, I am going to make an ass of myself." He shook his head.

"You'll be fine Jo. What size shoe do you wear?" I bit my lip.

"Um...a six." He rented our skates and thankfully helped me tie them because I had no idea. Once we were all set, I realized how cold it was as the snow fell softly.

"Cover your face kid..." He chuckled, pulling my scarf, "You'll get frostbite." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Yes _Dad..._" I laughed, but this time he didn't. He just smiled sadly. Instantly I felt horrible. "Tom...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

He cut me off, smiling again.

"Nah, it's alright kiddo. Guess that's just weird to hear someone say that to _me._" With a grin, he took my arm and led me to the ice. "Now, just take it slow and hold onto my arm." I nodded and followed him onto the ice. Less than ten seconds later, I was on my bottom. My face reddened as he bent to help me up, laughing.

"Nice try...go again?" He asked. This time, I did a better job of staying on my feet and he actually caught me if I started to slip. I noticed a young father doing the same thing with his daughter who couldn't have been more than five and instantly felt like a baby.

"Not bad for a rookie." Tom said to me. We skated around for a bit longer and I was even able to skate myself after a while.

While we were putting our shoes back on Tom said,

"You're a fast learner." I shrugged.

"What can I say?" I laughed, but stopped when I saw a familiar face crossing the street. _Mom..._I nudged Tom.

"Oh! That's my Mother! Would you like to meet her?" The color drained from his face as he looked up and saw her.

"Wow...she's awfully pretty." He said quietly.

"Yeah..." I sighed.

"You look like her ya know..." He observed and I looked over at him surprised.

"You think so? She always says I look just like my father." Tom shook his head.

"Nah...you're all her." I just smiled, and I am pretty sure he did too.

* * *

"How was your day?" Mom asked as she brushed my hair.

"It was...fun." I said. "We went...ice skating." I said hesitantly, eyeing her concerned expression.

"Josephine...you know I don't like you around ice...it's not safe." I laughed at her, turning around to face her.

"Ma...I am almost twenty...I'm fine." She sighed.

"I'm not ready for this. I am not old enough to have a twenty-year-old!" She had tears in her eyes and I hugged her.

"Oh Mom...you're so funny. If I could stay a kid forever, would you be happy?" She laughed.

"Absolutely. As a matter of fact, I am ordering you to stay young forever." I giggled.

"Alright, but you might want to tell the boys that too." She sighed.

"Oh...they're still little, but you were my first...and now you're all grown up. Why, at your age, I had you. You were a baby." I sighed, sitting as she began to pin my hair up.

"I can't imagine having a baby at my age." She nodded. "And you won't be able to until you have one."

* * *

We arrived at Olivia's right on time and she seemed relieved to see us.

"Oh, thank Goodness. I have some news." She gushed, pulling us into the library. Liz, Randy and Dave were eating with us tonight too.

"Well, what is it?" I asked impatiently. Olivia smiled, and I realized that her smile was very similar to another smile I had seen recently.

"When you turn twenty, you are going to inherit the soap company, Jo." My jaw dropped.

"Y-you mean, I will be in charge." Mom looked at Olivia, who managed a small smile.

"Y-yes...well...on one condition."

"Oh no..." My mother breathed. Olivia swallowed.

"Since you are a woman, you must be married in order to take the reigns." My mother's horrified gasp was the only sound in the room.


	10. A Choice

"Excuse me?" My mother exclaimed in disbelief, holding my shoulders. I couldn't find words to say in my state of shock. Olivia sighed.

"Believe me Jo, this would never have been my choice, but my father's lawyers had to draw up a codicil after we'd learned Jack may be dead." Mom gasped angrily as Olivia realized what she'd said and covered her mouth.

"Jack _may _be dead? Olivia, he is gone! I was there, I saw his lifeless frozen body sink into the Atlantic Ocean!" Olivia cringed, obviously at the thought of picturing her brother that way and suddenly, I grew suspicious. Why _had _she said it like that?

"Look Rose, he was my baby brother, don't you think it's hard for me too? To imagine him dying a slow icy death?" She replied tearfully to Mom. I had to intervene.

"Stop this! This is not about Jack dying, it is about _my_ life right now!" Ma turned to me.

"Josephine, I cannot allow this to happen...marrying someone just to run a business which you most likely wouldn't run anyway? Think about this rationally Jo...the control would go to your husband, thus the reason for marrying, who would then turn it over to various executives. The only thing that would tie you to it, would be your name." She sat on a settee with her head in her hands. "I won't have you go through what I did."

It was clear now what she was worried about, but she needn't fear for I had no intention of looking for a fairytale. I wanted to make something out of myself and if sacrificing love was the way to do it, then so be it.

"Ma...I'm different than you were..." I said, sitting beside her. "I don't need to be in love...if I have a chance to be more than a wife and mother, then damn it, I am going to! I _love _you Mom, for caring so much, but I am nineteen, and I think I am going to go through with this..." Olivia raised an eyebrow even I could not believe that words coming from me.

My mother looked at me sadly.

"Fine, but I want it made perfectly clear that this is something you do not _have _to do. This is your choice."

"Deal." I replied, throwing my arms around her body, which was wrought with tension. Olivia smiled uneasily at us.

"We'll hold a party next weekend and invite all of the eligible bachelors in town."

"Fine." I replied, not really caring in the least. Maybe I could find some old wealthy man near his death bed, who would leave me in charge anyway...Christmas was a week away now. I checked my reflection quickly before we retired to the library to wait until the guests arrived in two hours.

To my utter dismay, Jonathan Hockley was present, accompanied by Miss Gloria Edwards, the blonde from the first dinner I had been to. He seemed to brighten as I appeared, but I firmly ignored him and spent the entire night speaking to various people, including Dave, who hardly listened to a word I said because he was once again caught under the shy spell of the pretty Miss Edwards. Word had spread quickly about my situation and numerous gentleman of all ages approached me that evening. At one point, three of them were talking to me all at once. Overwhelmed and unsure of my decision, I excused myself and fled to the library.

I tried to calm myself by examining books on the shelves, finding nothing of interest when a worn book caught my eye. The spine read, _Dawson Family Album._ I frowned in confusion and had just begun to reach for it when a voice behind me nearly made me leap out of my skin as I shrieked.

"Are you bored to tears as well?" I whirled on the perpetrator, a male, nearly toppling over. He caught me and I pushed him away as if he carried the plague.

"What are you _doing _in here?" I hissed at him, more embarrassed than angry. He grinned.

"To much chatter out there..." He replied easily, looking at a few of Olivia and Grant's statues that graced the room.

"Are you following me Mr. Hockley?" I asked, crossing my arms defensively. His face turned a brilliant shade of pink as he stuttered.

"No, of course not, I just...well..." He stopped talking as I turned away so he would not see the blush that also decorated my white skin. In that moment, I realized I was inexplicably affected by his mere presence in the room.

"Is it true?" He asked quietly, running his finger along a shelf. I looked at him, perplexed.

"What?"

"That you are searching for a husband?" I frowned at him, wondering how fast indeed gossip traveled in this town.

"I...yes, I am..." I said. His face seemed to lose the easiness in his smile. "Aren't you courting Miss Edwards anyhow?" I asked, unable to make eye contact with him. He nodded though.

"We're engaged actually...I've known her just under a year. Her father is in the automotive industry, she's heiress to a large fortune...so large you could scarcely believe it." I almost rolled my eyes...why was everything about money?

"Congratulations..." I muttered dryly. "Can I go now?" I asked impatiently pushing past him. He caught my arm.

"Why not take a walk out to the terrace with me?" I sighed loudly in exasperation.

"Do you want the short list or the long?" I offered, trying to pry the firm but gentle grip he had on my arm.

"For one thing, Mr. Hockley, you are engaged...for another, you are an arrogant, self centered playboy and finally you are the son of someone I don't care to have association with!" His face became a mask of hurt.

"So I am to be judged for the sins of my father?" Stupidly, trying desperately to find a way out of this situation I retorted,

"Like father, like son." He reeled back as if burned and guilt swam in my mind. "That was uncalled for..." I said apologetically.

Resentment left his eyes as quickly as it had come.

"I only wanted to be your friend Miss Dawson. Believe it or not, I don't have many..." He was obviously embarrassed of this revelation, but I was unmoved.

"I honestly can't believe that." I replied, "You're nice looking and your family is wealthy." He shook his head.

"It's a sham..." He said quietly, bringing a puzzled frown to my face.

"What is?" I questioned like a parrot.

"We're broke." He explained, sitting on an ottoman. I was dumbfounded.

"What? How?" I asked, sitting on the arm of the chair that matched his ottoman.

"Easy." He said, folding his hands. "The stock crash...he'd invested almost all we had in it when the steel mills began to decline and it went well for a long time...but..."

"It crashed and you lost almost everything." I finished for him. He nodded, something lurking behind those silver eyes...something that haunted him.

"Father was devastated...we had to sell our summer home in New York and our vacation house in Florida just to get by. Not to mention all of our servants but for our butler and cook had to be laid off. My stepmother takes care of that house with my little sisters."

My mouth dropped open, not at the fact that they cleaned their own in since Mom and I had done it forever, but the fact that he said _stepmother. _

"Deirdre is your stepmother?" I inquired, and he nodded surprised that I hadn;t known.

"Mother died when I was barely three and Father remarried Deirdre when I was five. She's nice if not a bit overbearing, but she cares for me as her own and I promised Father that should anything happen to him I would take care of her and the girls. My sisters...Grace and Bianca. They're ten and thirteen." Affectionately, he pulled out two small portraits from his wallet and showed her. They were pretty girls, both had dark hair but they had taken their mother's eyes.

"They're lovely." I said, unsure of how I was supposed to feel about him now. Truth be told, I wanted so very much to like him, but the thought of Mom and what she would think halted my feelings. "I wonder Mr. Hockley...did your father ever mention a Rose?" His eyes darkened at the name.

"I...vaguely recall him mentioning her a time or two...he called out her name before he..." He stopped abruptly as the first strains of music told us the dancing had begun in the ballroom.

"You know...if someone were to come in here, this would look questionable. A young girl, who has not even debuted into society, alone with an engaged heir." Relief that the subject had changed flooded his eyes and he smiled again, that wide beautiful smile.

"Perhaps we should get back." He offered his arm to me and I looked longingly at that photo album in the midst of Olivia's shelf, but opted to look at it another time.

"Listen," he said as we entered the ballroom. "I must offer the first dance to Gloria, but will you save one of yours for me? It's not often I make a friend." He squeezed my hand as I nodded and strode toward his young fiancée. She was younger than me, possibly eighteen with a shy manner that gave her a sweet sort of presence. I smiled thoughtfully at the couple before joining Dave at the side where he sulked near Mom and his parents.

"Was that Jonathan Hockley you walked in with?" Mom asked suspiciously. I almost laughed at her silliness.

"Yes mother...it's not what you think though...he is engaged to Gloria Edwards...but I do think I have made a friend in young Mr. Hockley."

"A smart friend indeed dear child." I spun around to see my would be grandmother, standing there in her finest, accompanied by one of the oldest men I have ever seen.

"Mother what are you doing here?" Mom asked, coming to my side. I took her hand.

"I was invited if you must know..." She turned to her escort. "This is my dear husband Reginald Cohen." She said and the old man turned to her and said loudly.

"What?" It was obvious he had hearing problems. I stifled a smile at this.

"This is Rose! My daughter!" She said and he frowned.

"You want some water?" He asked loudly, hobbling to the refreshment table. I giggled looking at Dave who was still moping. I shot him a scowl.

"Why is Mr. Hockley a smart friend?" I asked, returning my attention to the aging woman before me. She smiled, I would have guessed genuinely.

"He's a good boy...his father was a good man...he cared for me until I married Reginald, you know." She said and Mom gasped.

"He...did?" She asked softly. The Grandmother nodded.

"Absolutely...he was devastated when we thought you were...well..."

"Dead." Mom finished. The woman nodded.

"Yes...he found a place for me to live and included me in family affairs...I met Reginald at a dinner part of his wife Isabella's you know...Jonathan's mother."

Mother, seeming to have forgotten her angst toward this woman forgotten.

"How did she die?" She asked, remembering the girl apparently. The woman let out a slow breath.

"Childbirth...she died and so did the baby." Mom audibly gasped.

"No...and now that boy is an orphan." She said, the maternal instinct in her taking over as always. My grandmother nodded.

"Deirdre took good care of him when his father died though. Loves him to pieces...the poor child was in the room when Cal shot himself."


	11. A Boy With No Face

I think my first reaction was to shout the words, "Jesus Christ!" though somehow I restrained myself and stared at the elder woman in horror. Mom looked ready to flee the scene at any available moment. Seeing the need to leave my mother alone with her own parent, I decided to drag Dave into a waltz. Not that either of us was extremely skilled at it, but we passed it off well.

"What the hell is wrong with you David Christopher?" I asked, using his full given name. He shook his head.

"I just...don't understand." He said quietly. It made me uneasy because I had never seen Dave anything but cheerful.

"What?" I asked impatiently. Sighing he looked longingly toward Miss Edwards.

"Why it is that the first girl who has ever caught my eye or interest has to be engaged...and to Hockley no less." He replied. I couldn't suppress a smirk.

"You want _her?_" I asked in disbelief. He only looked at me.

"What? She's too good for me...isn't she?" He said bitterly. I shook my head.

"No...not at all...what I meant was, that out of all the girls I could have imagined you falling for, she is the last person I would dream of for you. I mean, you always seemed like more of a guy who wants a girl with a mind of her own, not some society princess."

"She's not some society princess." He said defensively. "We spoke briefly and she is really a nice girl...shy, but nonetheless sweet." I couldn't find words to say to him in my shock. At that moment, my best friend and I were strangers.

"Well uh...if it makes you feel better, when my father met my mother, she was engaged to a Hockley..." I quipped. His look of annoyance told me he was not amused. "Just a thought." I added, suddenly wondering why I'd thought to speak about Jack. The song ended and Dave led me back to my mother, where a surprising group of men ranging from young to elderly waited.

"Oh, Miss Dawson, do honor me with a dance!" One called, seeing my return.

"No me!" Cried another, making me realize I had just opened a can of worms I wasn't ready for. I looked to Mom for help, but she looked at me helplessly with a shrug. Gulping I was ready to accept one of the men's offers until, thankfully, another voice said,

"I am sorry gentlemen, but this lady has already agreed to dance with me." I spun around, never more glad to see Jonathan.

"Oh Mr. Hockley, I didn't see you there!" I said, taking his arm. He looked at me in a funny way before replying.

"It's Johnny..." He said and I stole a glance at Mom who had her head tilted and was holding back a laugh.

"I am forever in your debt..." I muttered as he placed his hand on my waist.

"No worries...those vultures are sickening." He replied, sending a look of disgust at them. I sighed, but smiled.

"Either way, I will have to dance with some of them sooner or later. We can't dance all night." His eyes darkened but he smiled too.

"Well...at least we can decrease the amount of time you have to spend with all of them." He replied.

"Touché..." I replied dryly.

"This is nice..." Jonathan said finally, as we got the hang of the dance.

"Yes...it is...pleasant." I said vacantly, my thoughts everywhere. For some stupid reason, I wondered if my parents had ever danced together at that moment. I'd managed to live most of my life without thinking of my parents as a couple. To me, Jack had always been a faceless shroud of mystery, not Dad. Jim had been Dad for a short time, but he was gone now, too. My thoughts wandered back to the book in the library. _Dawson Family Album._ Jack was in there, he had to be, and I was consumed with the overwhelming need to see him. I began to plot ways to sneak back into the library without people seeing me leave, but I was interrupted by Jonathan's voice.

"Josephine? Er...Miss Dawson..." I looked blankly at him.

"Yes?"

"The song is over." He said patiently. I blushed deep red, I am sure of it.

"Oh..." Came my reply, almost disappointed. He held my hand a beat longer than necessary it seemed before nodding and clearing his throat.

"Well ah...I better see to Gloria." He said, nearly fleeing from me.

To my utter relief, the men had cleared away from my mother as the orchestra decided to take a break. Even Dave was smiling and chatting with his mother. It's funny how one song can change things and then I realized, he'd been dancing with Miss Edwards. I'd noticed them out of the corner of my eye, though hadn't taken any interest since my mind had been elsewhere. I'd just opened my mouth to say something to Mom, but I was lifted from behind and swung around, a shriek escaping my lips. As he jostled me about, I managed to say,

"I...will...murder...you...David...Christopher...!" He set me down and spun me around.

"She danced with me, she actually agreed to dance with _me!_ She is the most wonderful, charming girl...she...she's..."

"Engaged?" I offered. My mother gave him a sympathetic look. Cold realization came into his eyes and he seemed to break in front of me.

"I have to go..." He said softly, quickly leaving before I could say anything to stop him.

I decided he needed to work out his feelings without my help this time and instead opted to tell Ma about the album in the library.

"Ma, I..."

"Rose..." Dave's mother cut in. "Dave's gone...we're leaving too. He seemed upset. Thanks for inviting us."

"Oh Liz...I wouldn't have it any other way." Ma said, hugging Liz first and then Randy, who hugged me in turn. When they'd gone, Ma turned to me again.

"Now Jo...what were you saying?" She asked. I bit my lip, torn between wanting to tell her and wanting to look myself.

"Nothing...I was just wondering if you'd ever danced with...you know..._him._"

"Jack?" Ma asked, a twinkle in her eyes. I nodded stupidly.

"Actually yes...once...it wasn't waltzing though." She laughed richly. "I snuck off with him to a party below the decks."

"Mom!" I gasped. She'd never seemed the rebellious type. Her smile was infectious, as she grinned, satisfied with herself. Her face became serious again and she said sadly.

"Sometimes, I feel like he's still here, right around the corner...right behind me. The other day, I went into town for a new shirt for Luke, he grows so fast, and I could have sworn that Jack was right across the street from me." I shrugged, unsure of what to say.

"The heart wants what it wants...it's amazing that you felt so strongly about someone you knew for three days."

"Mmm." She replied softly in agreement. "Precisely why I want you to think about this insane decision to marry someone just to gain control of the company."

"Mother..." I heard myself mutter. She didn't utter another word on the subject, but I could tell she was unhappy about the entire thing. Honestly, I wasn't thrilled either. I'd never even kissed a boy, well...unless you counted Timmy Nutwillinger when I was seven. I kissed him on the cheek on the last day of school.

I was glad to be back that night, but a small spark of glee crept into my stomach as I remembered we would be moving into the house Olivia was renting from her friends who were on holiday in Bermuda and out of the hotel for Christmas. Perhaps I would then be able to go back into the library to look in that picture album. The curiosity was killing me and it was itching at me so much I blurted it out to Tom the following afternoon.

"But...she said all of the pictures were in Wisconsin." I complained as he carefully measured a length of canvas.

"Well...it seems she either doesn't know it's there or she doesn't want you to see it for some reason and believe me Jo, curiosity can be a cruel thing." He added. I stared at him in shock. This was Tom, who was supposed to understand, and he was waving it off like nothing.

"You can't tell me I don't have a right to see what my...what he looks like." I said, unable to bring myself to say the word, "father." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"No...'course you do...I just meant that your aunt is probably pretty upset about her brother dying. Maybe it's childhood pictures or something and she's forgotten about them because it's too painful to see." He said quickly, sharpening a charcoal pencil.

"Or maybe...she's hiding something from me." I said, surprising even myself. He laughed, but it sounded forced, nervous even.

"Like what?" He asked hesitantly. I bit my lip, toying with an oil pastel.

"I don't know exactly...it just seems...odd." He finished with the charcoal and cleared his throat.

"Ah...all set then. I know...why don't you draw a picture of what you would imagine your Dad to look like, to clear your frustration a bit.

"But I have no idea..."

"Use your imagination Jo. It helps with the pain, really." He said, setting at his drawing table. "I am going to work on some blueprints, so you can just show me when you finish." I nodded at him and sat at the piece of canvas, staring at the blank whiteness of it. Jack...Jack..._What do you look like?_ I closed my eyes and tried to remember any dreams I'd ever had about my father. All I got was the blonde hair with a blank face, so I tried to single it out with myself. _Let's see, I have Mom's lips and hair...and her nose. So, that leaves my eyes...Olivia...she has...thinner lips than Ma and I...a straighter nose..._

I began to draw, using myself and Olivia as a reference. The eyes were easy enough, but the nose was quite the challenge. I tried to make Olivia's nose more masculine and it seemed to work. The mouth was nearly the easiest part surprisingly. He must have looked like Olivia somewhat...but I imagined him with a wider smile like Tom's. He'd have a square jaw of course and perhaps short hair that had the potential to become shaggy but hadn't quite achieved that look yet. He wouldn't have had much facial hair, not when he'd met Ma. She had said he was only twenty after all. He'd be thin, but with the promise of becoming more muscular as he grew into himself. Twenty minutes later my diluted version of Jack stood before me, thin and tall with short fair hair and twinkling eyes. He had a wide grin that promised mischief. I knew it was probably inaccurate but it was the closest thing I had come to seeing of him. I'd drawn him with a pencil in his hand since I knew he'd been an artist too. It seemed natural.

"All set?" Tom asked, looking up from his work. I nodded, unable to tear my eyes off of the stranger on my canvas. "Hmmm." Tom said softly from behind me.

"It's not even close, I am sure." I muttered, looking at my feet.

"He's very young." Tom mused, tilting his head to get a better look at the boy.

"Yes...he was twenty...so, I've never been able to imagine him as a mature man." I sighed. "You know, I feel sorry for Jamie and Luke because their Dad died when they were so young...I mean, he was my father too, in every way that mattered, but they're boys...it's different. I still had Mama...I mean, Mom." I corrected.

"Still you must have missed not having your father at some time in your life." I gulped, dreading those words and turned to him.

"How can you miss what you never had?" I asked sincerely. "I mean, this is horrible, but I'm more sorry that I never got to know who he was than the fact that he died...I mean, how selfish do you have to be? Does that make me a terrible person?" I asked, choking up. He shook his head.

"Of course not...Jo, you're exactly right...how can you miss what you'd never had?" He comforted tightly. We stood there together looking at the picture of the boy for a few moments before I knew it, control was lost and I began to sob as I never had for that boy. I no sooner found myself wrapped in a soothing embrace with Tom as I sobbed into his shoulder, clutching his shirt as I used to cling to my mother when I was very young.

"It's alright..." He said soothingly. "It's okay to grieve for him..." And so I did. I finally grieved for the father I'd never had.

"Thank you Tom...for everything." I said, as I was leaving. He smiled slightly but uncomfortably.

"Oh...don't thank me just yet..." He said quietly, but though I was confused, I didn't say anything.

"Well...I'd better get to the hotel. We need to finish packing and the boys probably need baths. I'll see you..." I said, opening the door. His voice cut through the air suddenly, almost desperately.

"Jo wait! I need to tell you..." I turned back around, worried I'd forgotten something. He looked like he'd been ready to say something but opted instead for, "Your boot is untied."

I looked down and frowned. Both of my boots were perfectly tied.

"Tom...I don't think..."

"Oh...it looked like it. Sorry. It's slippery out there." He said dumbly. "Be careful, huh?" I nodded, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I will..."

"Tell your mother I said hello." He added quickly. I nodded again.

"Alright. I will..." I replied slowly. He smiled.

"Goodbye Jo..."

"Goodbye Tom." I said, leaving again. But, for some stupid reason, I didn't want to leave.


	12. A Best Friend's Proposal

"Good grief Jo! Have you been crying? You're eyes are swollen!" Ma swarmed me as soon as I walked in, red from the cold. The tears just hadn't seemed to stop completely yet, but I waved her off of me.

"I'll be alright." I responded, hearing my own dazed voice. "I love you Ma...I just want you to know that." She felt my forehead to make sure I wasn't feverish.

"Sit. Now." She instructed. I was too emotionally drained to protest, so I sat and Jamie pulled me into a hug.

"Who made you cry?" He asked, curiously. I looked at him tiredly.

"No one...I, uh...I stubbed my toe and it hurt real bad." Naive that he was, he accepted this and left to return to his game with Luke.

Ma returned with a cup of something that vaguely smelled like coffee. After I had taken the first sip, she gently took the mug from me and set it on an end table.

"Alright Josephine. What happened? Did Tom upset you?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. I shook my head and watched her eyes leave my face and finally rest on the rolled piece of canvas in my hand.

"What is this?" She asked, taking it and unrolling it. She tilted her head trying to place him.

"It's...Jack. He asked me to draw my father as I imagined him to look since I didn't have a picture of him." I answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"And it made you cry..." She said, unsure of herself.

"I finally was able to cry for that boy Mom. That is all he was...a boy...who never even got the chance to really live. I mean, he was my age, Ma. _My _age...I can't imagine being this age and this being it...it's such a waste, don't you think?" Her lips were pursed but her control was admirable.

"Indeed." She agreed. "But take comfort in this...he did live. He traveled Europe and made somewhat of a name for himself _before _he was your age. He saw the world. He did live Jo...and if he had lived, God rest his soul, he would have gone right on living. He never complained...he was born into one of the richest families in our country and chose to live as a poor man...you know, I only knew him for a couple of days, yes. But I have never felt like we didn't know each other. I mean, I don't know his favorite color or food, but I knew his soul. He didn't hide it. I think that's why people liked him so much...and _everyone _liked him." She chuckled. "Well, everyone except for my mother and fiancé."

I nodded at her and looked at my picture.

"Does it look like him?" I asked her and she smiled.

"It doesn't look just like him, but it has a certain Jack quality to it. I think it's the eyes. Your eyes." She conceded. "_You _have a certain Jack quality that way." Standing she smoothed her skirt and sighed.

"Well...now the more important matter at hand...you have prospective suitors now...they've been calling for you since you left." I groaned inwardly, wiping my eyes.

"Well...I guess I cannot avoid it any longer..." The door to the hotel room burst open and Dave flew in, followed closely by his parents.

"Jo, we need to talk. _Now._" He said quickly, he looked positively inspired.

"Okay..." I said slowly, looking at his parents and my mother. His hand wrapped around my wrist as he dragged my anxiously into the hall. "Are you alright?" I asked, watching him brush a piece of his fair hair out of his face.

"Never better..." He explained. "Marry me." He said and I coughed. Loudly.

"_What?" _I asked, knowing damn well my mother and his parents were listening at the door.

"You need a husband...you don't want those pigs all hounding you...never knowing who you'll get stuck with." I glared at him.

"Are you saying I couldn't possibly find the occasional love match?" I retorted.

"Not with that gold digging lot...no. It's perfect! We even like each other!" He said and I shook my head.

"Dave! We'd have to _sleep _together...you know...with no clothes on and frankly I think of you as a brother." I said. He grinned.

"Would you rather sleep with me or Mr. Phelps...the three hundred pound wonder?" I had to admit, he had a point. When you looked at it like that, life with Dave seemed better, appealing even.

"Well when put it like that...wait! Why? Why are you doing this? It's insanity!" I replied.

"Look...last night, I met the girl of my dreams...she's beautiful, she's clever, sweet, perfect...she's taken. You told me yourself...she's engaged to that Hockley boy." I nodded.

"Yes, but that isn't Jonathan's...uh...Mr. Hockley's fault!" I defended. He nodded.

"Not saying it is Jo...but I can't marry another man's wife now, can I? And I realized I don't want anyone else, so if I am going to marry, it might as well be you!" He said. My anger did not subside.

"So you're going to settle for me? How kind..." I muttered.

"Don't be crazy, Jo..." He said and I whirled on him.

"_I _am not the one proposing _marriage _to my best friend because I met someone and realized they were already spoken for..."

He ignored my retort.

"Jo...that's not what I meant and you know it...I was trying to say that's the beauty of it. With you, I'd _never _have to settle because if I have to spend my life with anyone but Miss Edwards...it has to be you. So it's perfect, you'd get a husband and a best friend for all of your days."

"I want children." I said quietly. "We'd have to..."

"Yes...but we can cross that bridge when we come to it now, can't we?" And then, he was on one knee with all of our parents watching. "Josephine Dawson...will you marry me?"

For some insane stupid reason I said yes. I agreed to his ridiculous proposal and found myself engaged one day after I'd learned I had to marry. Mom was a bit horror struck but quiet. A slight feeling of dread filled my stomach as I read the paper that day. _Soap Heiress Must Marry to Gain Company. _Imagine what it would say when they learned I was engaged already. Some part of me wished I could just go back to Cedar Rapids with Ma and the boys and return to some sense of normalcy. That evening, we moved our things into Aunt Olivia's rented home. She had hired a nanny for the boys to have lessons and to keep them occupied when Mom and I couldn't be there. I knew with this whirlwind of chaos, I had slightly neglected my brothers and I felt horrible for it.

I was immensely grateful for a night of relaxation in my Aunt's house, but something kept tugging at my mind. That photo album. Curiosity got the better of me and I crept into the library when I was sure everyone was asleep. I walked to the exact spot where I had seen the album, between a book of recipes and a novel and was surprised to find it had been replaced with a book called, _Everyday Needlework. _Defeated, I turned to leave when I noticed something poking out of the drawer in the table. I opened it and found a withered piece of paper. _October 21, 1912 St. Mary's Hospital New York. _That was it. One line. Yet, I couldn't look away from it. I had no idea what it meant and I didn't know why, but it made me feel uneasy. I put it back and fled to the room across from Mom's.

I did not sleep that night...those words kept running through my mind. October 12, 1912 St. Mary's Hospital New York. Between that and my irritation that the Dawson Family album was gone I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours before closing my eyes just after the first light was coming through my window. Moments later, or so it felt like, I was being gently shaken awake by Mom.

"He's in there, I know it!" I cried, sitting up and breathing heavily. Mom sat on the bed.

"Who?" She asked and I looked at her, confused.

"What?" I asked, unsure myself of who or what I had been talking to.

"Who is he?" She asked with a small smile. I bit my lip.

"I don't know...it was the strangest dream...I was in a hospital and...I was calling for someone but they wouldn't let me in and that was it...odd..." I said, rubbing my head.

"Did you sleep well?" She asked, offering me a glass of orange juice.

"No." I admitted, the dream temporarily forgotten. Gently, she brushed one of my matted curls out of my face.

"Dave is waiting downstairs...no hurry. Why don't you take a hot bath and come down?" She asked. I nodded.

"Alright I will..." I agreed. She kissed my cheek and left me to ponder my dream again. It had been vivid. I was in the hallway of a hospital trying to see in a room. All I saw was the silhouette before someone had grabbed my arm.

"Nothing for you to see here! No one there!"

"But it's him! He's in there! I know it!" My head hurt. I decided a bath would be wonderful.

Dave was of course, sitting in the parlor with Aunt Olivia and Uncle Grant and Mom. The boys were playing blissfully in the corner with their new young Irish nanny.

"Jo!" He said, jumping to his feet. "I got you something." He said, pulling out what was inevitably a ring box. The ring was a bit snug, but I appreciated the gesture all the same.

"Uh...thanks..." I said, allowing him to put it on my finger. We stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before opting to sit down.

"My parents went back to California today." Dave said finally.

"Oh?" I replied, feeling stupid.

"Yes...Belinda overstayed her welcome at a friend's when she was caught sneaking out at night." I laughed.

"Yeah well...she never did have the brains to carry off a scheme."

"Are you two ready to face the press? Because they are going to find out sooner or later." Olivia said softly. Looking at Dave, I nodded and Olivia smiled. "That's wonderful...we'll have your engagement ball on Christmas Eve...have you two thought of a wedding date?" She asked. We shook our heads.

"Goodness...they've only been engaged for one day." Mom said, eyeing Olivia a bit angry.

"I just want to get it over with...how about the end of January?" I said, surprising us all. Olivia nodded.

"January twenty-ninth?" Olivia asked.

"Fine." I answered. Dave and I looked at each other, both unsure of what to say. What the hell had I gotten myself into?

The news spread like wildfire, just as I thought it would. Even Tom was surprised as I walked into his studio two days later.

"You're getting _married?_" He asked as I hung my coat. I nodded nonchalantly, though my hands were shaking.

"On January twenty-ninth." I explained.

"Why?" He asked in horror as I sat across from him.

"Because I have to...or my father's company will go to the vice president...and it won't be a family business anymore. Not to mention...this is my shot at making something of myself. No college will take me."

"But..._married_...I mean, couldn't you just take your father's company?" He asked. I shook my head.

"The will stated that I had to be married before I could take it on..." I replied. His eyes grew dark.

"That is horseshit! That wasn't how it was supposed...I mean, couldn't your Aunt do something about it?" I eyed him warily.

"I suppose not." I added dryly.

"Damn it." Tom said in a voice I had never heard him use. He sighed. "Let's just get something to eat." He said in a less harsh tone. I nodded numbly, wondering why he was so upset. An hour later, we were eating soup and discussing lighter topics like Christmas and Luke's birthday which was the day after. Reluctantly, I left just as dusk began to set in late that afternoon.

"Well, I really should get back, I am meeting Dave for dinner and I want to spend some time with the boys." I said. He nodded as I pulled on my coat. As we were walking out together he gave me a quick hug.

"Take care...alright? Tell you mother I said hello and don't worry...everything is going to turn out fine. I promise...okay?" He asked. All I could do was nod.


	13. Wish On A Star

To say that the papers were in a frenzy over my engagement was an understatement of epic proportions. Everywhere we went, we were swarmed with reporters, with people who were trying to figure out what the mystery man I'd promised myself to was all about. Indeed, I found myself more in doubt with each day. We barely talked anymore and it broke my heart. I spent most of my time with Christmas preparations and birthday preparations for myself and Luke and with wedding preparations. It made me sick. Ma noticed my unhappiness too...but she never said anything. I suppose she knew I needed to learn my own way. Still we were quickly deemed "Philadelphia's Young Darlings" along with a few other engaged pairs including Mr. Hockley and Miss Edwards, so it was inevitable that we would all see each other often.

Of course, we had a gala to attend on Christmas Eve night at the Hamiltons' mansion in Pittsburgh. I was quickly tiring of all these society events and came to realize why my mother had been so keen to let it all go. We continued to run into my grandmother and her husband, though I could tell we would never be terribly close. She was not, after all, the maternal type. She was, to her credit, always cordial and warm but she seemed the kind of person to fear love. Ma had opted not to attend this event and had chosen to stay home with the boys. Reluctantly, I had left her and we had driven with Aunt Olivia and Uncle Grant to Pittsburgh early in the day.

The party itself was predictably boring, with people milling about sending their phony well wishes, hoping for an invitation to our wedding, or more accurately, to _any _wedding really. I don't know why, but I avoided Jonathan like the plague that night. Something about him scared the wits out of me, so I clung to Dave's hand like a wretched child. As was inevitable, sooner than later, he excused himself to use the restroom and I was left standing alone by the food table. I suddenly felt stifled, trapped, so I fled to the cold fresh air on the open balcony which was, nearly deserted by for a couple so tightly wrapped around each other, I didn't know where one ended and began.

I lingered just in the doorway relishing the feeling of both warmth and cold at once and looked up at the sky, which was as clear as it had ever been that night. The brightest one caught my eye and I was dazzled by the simple beauty of it when someone spoke beside me.

"You're supposed to make a wish." I looked to my side to see none other than Jonathan standing there, leaning lazily on the other side of the French doorway.

"You don't really believe that works." I said sarcastically. He chuckled.

"My father used to say that even the most successful man sometimes needed the simple pleasure of wishing on a star." I felt instantly horrible.

"I'm sorry, I..." I began and he held up a hand to silence me, still smiling kindly.

"It's not your apology to make." He said quietly and when I looked at him, something in his eyes told me that he was harboring more than just grief. There was a pain so deep in those gray orbs, that it hurt my heart to look at him.

"So...you're engaged?" He said, trying to sound casual. I nodded blankly, looking up at nothing in particular.

"Yes...it's only been a few days...but we've decided to marry on the twenty-ninth of January." I said, unsure of how to respond to his comment. He made some sound of acknowledgment.

"Ours is the twentieth." He said, his voice dark. Desperate to steer the conversation to another topic I said.

"That's a week after my birthday." He didn't react and we both found ourselves looking out into space. Finally, feeling him looking at me, I turned to go back inside.

"Well I really should go back and find Dave..." I began, but he moved quickly and caught my wrist gently.

"You can't..." He said and I glared at him, horrified.

"Why not? He's my fiancé." I retorted. Jonathan nodded upward, and I followed his eyes to look at what could only be a sprig of mistletoe. "Oh." I said after a moment. "Oh dear."

"We're supposed to kiss."

"I'm well aware of how it works Mr. Hockley." I shot back. "It's just a stupid tradition and one would think with both of us promised to other people, we would never even consider..."

"It's just a small kiss...what's the harm?" I sighed, looking at him holding my wrist.

"You're not going to let me go until I do...are you?"

"Damn straight." He replied with a grin. I raised an eyebrow.

"If you don't want to marry her then don't." I said, pulling my arm away and crossing my arms, but for some stupid reason I didn't leave. Why didn't I leave.

"I have to." He said finally and before I could respond, he'd crossed the small distance between us and brushed the quickest, softest, lightest kiss across my lips before pulling back. To others it must have looked like a casual, friendly kiss, but to me...it was the first time I had ever touched my lips to a boy's. It was horrible and wonderful all at once. It must have been for him to because he touched his own lips after pulling away and said,

"Sorry...I...I'm sorry...I've got to go. Gloria...I...she...goodbye!" He disappeared into the crowd and I was left feeling like I really had no idea what I was doing or what I wanted anymore.

Scanning the room for Dave, I couldn't see him anywhere and decided that it would be best if I found him so we could leave as soon as possible. The only thing I wanted to do at that moment was to crawl into Mom's bed and cry. As I rushed toward the door out of the ballroom, I heard a few murmurs.

"That Josephine Dawson is the luckiest girl in the world...she fell right into her Daddy's money..."

"That shade of green is quite lovely on her."

"They really are a handsome couple..."

I escaped and stood outside the door of the ballroom, breathing heavily. I closed my eyes for a moment to collect my thoughts, but the muffled sound of voices startled me. I realized I was very close to the coatroom. Faintly, I could hear the argument of a couple.

"You don't understand, my father, he...he's not a kind man...I don't have a choice." The girl was saying.

"It's a simple yes or no..."

"It's not that easy Mr. Stirling." She said. The man sighed.

"You know I've asked you to called me Dave." He replied. I had to cover my mouth to hide my gasp. Miss Edwards and Dave were in there! Doing God knows what! Not that I had any right to say anything...I'd just kissed Jonathan Hockley...not in a particularly romantic kind of way, but I couldn't forget it. I fled that spot to the deserted sitting room and moments later Olivia found me, followed by Uncle Grant and Dave. She apparently wasn't feeling well and was ready to return home which was not a problem with me. Dave and I did not speak the whole ride home, but I got the distinct feeling he had been crying.

Mom was still up when I got there and I flung myself into her arms, causing her to drop the book she had been reading in bed.

"Jo..." She said, her voice filled with concern. "What is the matter?" I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Oh Mama...I'm so confused..." I replied. I didn't say anything else on the matter, and she didn't press me for details. She simply stroked my hair soothingly until I had stopped crying and helped me into my nightgown, pulling the pins from my hair and brushing it for me. I felt terribly juvenile, but it was nice to be coddled for once.

"How was your day?" I asked her as she brushed my hair on her bed. She smiled.

"Very good...I took the boys into town to see Santa Claus at the local department store. The strangest thing happened...I bumped into this man today and dropped my shopping bags. He helped me pick them up, but I couldn't get a good look at his face and before I knew it, he was gone. I had the strangest feeling we'd met. Like Déja Vu or something, you know?" She laughed. "It was probably my imagination..." She said, pulling my hair back to braid it.

"What did he look like?" I asked, yawning. She tilted her head trying to remember.

"He was tall...a few inches taller than me...he had actually quite long hair compared to how men wear their hair these days...it was dark gold...though I couldn't really tell it could have been light brown..." She stopped. "No...definitely dark blond. I couldn't see his eyes, but he had a bit of stubble...not really a beard but not smooth...you know?"

"Did he say anything to you?" I asked, not really interested in the man, I just liked hearing her talk.

"Yes actually. He said, 'Sorry...let me get that for you...' Then, he left."

I yawned again, falling back against the pillow. She sighed, laying down as well.

"Ah well...I would have liked to have thanked him though."

"Maybe he was your guardian angel..." I joked and she laughed.

"Maybe..." She agreed and we both fell asleep.

I woke to Jamie and Luke both jumping on the bed. Ma had long since been up.

"Jo wake up it's Christmas!" Jamie cried.

"It's Christmas!" Luke agreed. I groaned, but realized they were not going to relent on this, so I got up.

"Fine...have it your way..." I said tiredly, pulling on my robe and slippers. I followed them down into the main parlor where Mom and Aunt Olivia were waiting. The boys looked hopefully at Mom and Aunt Olivia smiled at them. She and Grant had never had children, and I could tell it was something she had always planned on, but it was easy to see that she and Grant loved each other very well.

The frenzied opening of gifts began after Dave joined us following a morning walk. I received a set of earrings from Mom, a coat from Olivia and Grant and from Dave, a slender gold bracelet that he said was meant to symbolize our friendship. He made me promise that our friendship would be the most important factor of all. It was the most touching thing he had ever done for me. After presents had finished and we were all enjoying a bit of breakfast, the doorbell rang. Five minutes later, the butler entered the parlor with a bundle of different flowers.

"For Miss Dawson..." He said, setting them down. I looked at Mom in confusion and went to the table.

"Who is it from?" She asked. I shook my head.

"I don't have a clue." I said and Olivia sighed.

"Do you have a note?" She asked and I noticed the small slip of paper.

"I think..." I replied, picking it up. It read:

_Josephine, _

_I consider myself something of a botanist...I do so hope you will enjoy these flowers from our greenhouse. I must say though, out of all of my favorite plants, my favorite would have to be the mistletoe. _

_-JH_

"What does it say?" Mom asked and I crumpled it and shoved the paper into my pocket.

"Nothing...just the address..." I said quickly. Olivia cleared her throat.

"Oh! Jo...this small package arrived for you early this morning, but since Maggie was the only one awake, she took it for you and fell asleep before she could tell anyone." She handed me a small box with a bow on it and a little card attached.

"Well, aren't we popular?" Dave teased and I shot him a look.

_Jo, _

_Merry Christmas! Thought you might be able to use this sometime...you know, when you're not covered in charcoal or oil pastel...and hang in there...things are going to work out for you. You'll see. _

_Tom_

I opened the box and nearly collapsed when I realized Tom had given me a gold necklace with my birth stone on it.


	14. A Visitor for Christmas Dinner

"My Goodness, but that is pretty." Mom said, moving closer to examine my necklace. I nodded stupidly.

"Tom gave it to me." I replied as she put it on me. She took the note and began reading it.

"Typical male chicken scratch." She said, with a small laugh. I shrugged, looking at Dave, who was trying to show Jamie how to use the top he had received from Santa Claus.

"I don't understand…" I said more to myself than to anyone else.

"It was a very kind gesture." Mom assured me. "But…he went a bit out of his way didn't he? I mean…I know you two are terribly close now and everything, but still…"

"I need to lie down." I said after a minute. "I'm not feeling so well." It was true. My head was spinning. Tom had been acting so strangely the past few days. The last time I'd seen him two days before, he said that we would have to wait until after the New Year to meet again because he had some things to take care of. Now this…and then it hit me. He was hiding something. I'd seen it before. The way Dave was acting at the party the night before. When Ma used to hide the fact that we were broke. I excused myself and went to my room without another word.

The flowers that Jonathan had sent me were already in my room on the nightstand beside the bed. On top of everything there was that kiss. That horrible, amazing kiss that hadn't lasted but a second or two. His lips had hardly even touched mine at all, but I felt them. It made me sick to my stomach that I was still even thinking of him. It was enough that Dave was lovesick over Miss Edwards…I didn't have to join the ranks of people pining for the ones they could never have. No, I decided, I must keep focused on my dreams. I was not going to end up being someone's little wife. I wanted to make something of my life. I was going to be realistic. I would never be the President or go to Harvard, but perhaps I could just go to a Women's College to finish my education. I'd been dead set against it, but now it was beginning to appeal to me more and more since I only had graduated school.

Then, I started thinking. Did I really want my father's company? I mean, I would be the owner, yes, but running a company that produced soap was not the dream I'd had in mind. Not to mention, I would probably have little to no say as to how it was run. My passion was art. I wanted to write a book. I wanted to travel and to see the world. _Be realistic Jo…_My mind said, _You've set your standards too high. _I could still do all that and take my father's company. I didn't want to think about what would happen if the company wasn't ours any longer.

I fell into a troubled sleep and found myself in that hospital corridor again, screaming for that mystery person to hear me. It was always fruitless though. It was like I was invisible and the harder I tried to get into the room, the less I was able to try. I woke up an hour later, exhausted still, sweating. Quickly, I got dressed and went back down into the sitting room. I realized I was starving. Mom looked worried.

"Jo…you look simply awful." She said, feeling my head. I nodded.

"I'm not feeling so well…" I said, my head feeling heavy. Olivia frowned, pushing a muffin toward me.

"Eat…you'll feel better."

To my surprise she was right. Once I had eaten and had something to drink, I felt much better.

"Where is Dave?" I asked. Mom frowned.

"I'm not sure entirely. He said he needed to go into town for a bit…" She replied, forcing Luke to eat a bit of toast. He was not cooperating with her and she was ending up with more of the toast on herself. Easily I grabbed Luke and fed him the rest of the toast without a problem. Mom sighed, exasperated.

"That little sneak has been acting very suspicious." I added, referring to Dave. Mom shrugged.

"A lot has happened to him too…I mean, who'd have ever thought you and he would…"

"I don't want to talk about it." I said. The fact that I was engaged to David Christopher Stirling…my best friend, my partner in crime was still not real to me and I did not want to fathom what it entailed.

Olivia received a phone call and when the butler whispered who it was to her, she scowled and said,

"Damn him." She excused herself and went to take the phone call. She returned five minutes later a bit flustered but still composed. At our expectant looks she laughed.

"Grant…has to work late tonight. He promised to be home for Christmas dinner." Funny enough, Grant must have found a way to get out of work because he was home forty-five minutes before dinner. Dave also crawled in about an hour before dinner and would not look me in the eye.

The doorbell startled us all out of our awkward silence and the butler returned shortly with a worried look on his face.

"A young lady…she's asking for help." I got up immediately as did Mom, leaving everyone to eat their dinner. The young lady was shivering with her back to us, her blonde hair wet and a bit frozen. When she turned around, I gasped. It was Miss Edwards.

"Oh my Goodness!" Ma said, rushing toward her and pulling her into the biggest hug I think the girl had ever gotten.

"What happened to you sweetheart?" She looked up at Ma with big eyes and then at me.

"I…my father…he…" She couldn't say any more and began to sob into Ma's shoulder.

"Ma…go eat…I'll take care of her." I said. She looked at me and nodded.

"Alright…I'll let everyone know we have a visitor." She added, rushing back into the dining room as I gently guided the girl to my room to draw her a warm bath.

"It's going to be okay…Gloria…right?" I said and she nodded. I pulled out one of my nightgowns which would surely be too long for her slight frame. "What did he do to you?" I whispered. She shook her head.

"I told him I didn't wish to marry Jonathan Hockley." She said shakily.

"You…you don't?" I asked, feeling far too involved in this conflict.

"No…I…there's someone else…"

"Dave." I finished for her. She looked at me, surprised but nodded.

"Mr. Stirling and I…we've been meeting…secretly." She bowed her head. "I'm so ashamed…I know you two are to be married and…"

"Gloria." I said softly, taking her hand. She looked up at me. "Dave and I have been best friends since I was born…we're not…it's a marriage of convenience. I do love him dearly but not…not in that way." She sniffled.

"I see." She replied, shivering still in the wet clothes. I pulled out a bathrobe and showed her to the bath.

"You are welcome here as long as you need. We'll figure something out Gloria…don't worry, I'm a friend."

"You're not going to tell me I'm stupid for falling for Mr. Stirling. It's only been a couple of weeks…my mother told me no one can fall in love that quickly." She said in a small voice. I grinned.

"You'd be surprised."

When I returned to the dining room I was nearly pummeled by Dave.

"How is she? What did he do to her? I'll kill him…" I put up my hand to silence him and pulled him into the hallway.

"Dave." I said calmly. "She's fine. She's having a warm bath. Her father told her to get out when she told him she didn't want to marry Jonathan…Mr. Hockley. She's a bit cold but she's all yours now. Apparently, I mean if she's disowned then she can obviously make her own decisions."

"What are you saying?" He said. I laughed.

"You're free…from the engagement…you two could get married."

"What about…your father's company?"

"I have plenty of time…I turn twenty in a bit under a month…" I replied, though the feeling in the pit of my stomach told me it wasn't going to be so easy. We found Gloria sitting on my bed staring out the window. Her long golden hair hung down her back and she sat with her knees to her chest.

"Gloria?" I said softly. She looked over at us and moments later Dave had rushed to her and began to kiss her feverishly. I cleared my throat.

"Dave…let her breathe for goodness sake!" I said, sitting beside her.

"I want to know everything he did." Dave said, this time in a voice that was not his own.

She looked at me and I nodded showing her that I was on her side. Taking a deep breath she said,

"Well…I went into his office this afternoon, when I returned home from our…" Her face had gone very pink, "From town. I told him I needed to tell him something and he was busy so he tried to get rid of me naturally. But I just kind of blurted it out. 'Father, I don't wish to marry Mr. Hockley!'" She sighed heavily, on the verge of tears. "He was livid…I told him about you and he said that you only wanted our money."

"The bastard." Dave growled. I felt very uneasy about what was to come.

"I then told him that the Hockleys needed our money too and it wasn't any different, but he said that the Hockleys were respectable…established and that no daughter of his was going to be the wife of some street urchin."

I nearly choked. Dave? A street urchin? His family was very well off for middle class and Dave was nearly through college himself. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever heard. To my surprise, Dave laughed at this and said,

"My…he's really searching for a reason to hate me isn't he?" Gloria nodded.

"Finally, I said I wasn't going to marry Mr. Hockley and he would just have to accept it…and he…he…"

"It's okay." I said, touching her arm.

"He hit me on the cheek. I mean, he's always been cruel but he's never hit me…he then called me a tramp and told me to get out of his house. So, I came here because I knew Mr. Stirling was here and it took me a bit because I had to walk."

"Gloria…please…you know I want you to call me Dave…or at the very least, David." He said, touching her cheek. I felt very intrusive at this and got up.

"I should go…" I said quietly even though it was my room. I got as far as the door and stopped dead. "Shit…" I muttered, hearing the heated voices downstairs. I turned back toward them. "New plan…we lock the door and don't come out of this room. Edwards is downstairs and he's pissed." They both nodded, gaping at me and I quickly locked the door. I could hear Grant, Olivia and Mom all taking their turns in berating the man, but he must have convinced them because they were knocking at my door moments later. Gloria and Dave were clinging to each other and I was clinging to no one.

"Jo…" Ma's voice came. "Unlock the door, it's alright…Mr. Edwards is here to take Gloria home."

"Don't open it…" Gloria begged and I smiled at her.

"Don't worry…I wouldn't dare. Just stay quiet." I whispered. Someone must have had a key, however and the door opened anyway. Gloria stood quickly.

"What is going on here?" Ma asked. I couldn't answer her and looked at the floor. Mr. Edwards, a tall looming man cleared his throat.

"Gloria…I'm sorry…now come home…it's alright…I forgive you." He said. I, however wasn't buying it and stood in front of Gloria.

"Don't do it…" I said, feeling her cling to my hand.

"Come on Gloria…your mother is out of her mind with worry…she's been coughing all evening…" He said. That must have convinced her, because she let go of my hand and said,

"Alright, I'll come." She said quietly. He smiled, though I could see right past that phony façade.

"We can discuss everything at home…it's all going to work out." He said and hope filled her eyes as she looked back at Dave, who was unconvinced and came to my side.

"Gloria?" He said softly. She smiled at him.

"It's going to be fine now." She said squeezing his hand quickly. We watched helplessly as she left.

After they'd gone, Ma came into my room before we could leave.

"We were just going to…" I began but she shook her head.

"No…you weren't. She pointed at the bed.

"Stop. Sit. Explain." She said and I knew there was no getting out of this one. We both started talking one at a time. "Whoa…one at a time. Jo?" She said and I looked at Dave. He nodded so I began to tell her what Gloria had told us.

"Oh no." She muttered turning to Dave. "And you've been seeing her secretly?" She said quietly. We both nodded as she stood. "Oh God. This is bad…this is so bad…I don't even want to think about what's happening to her right now. Look you two, I remember Keegan Edwards from when I was younger. He was a bit older that Cal Hockley. Cal didn't like him. Said he was as crooked as a question mark. Now as you know I wasn't in love with Cal but we were fond of each other and I trusted him. I should have realized."

"That does it." Dave said, "I'm going over there and…" Ma grabbed his arm and made him sit back down.

"No you damn well are not David Stirling. Now listen to me…no playing hero. It is not up to you to save her…he could do something awful to you. And Jo, if I find out you have been trying to help him in this you will have my wrath to answer to. Understood?" She finished and we both nodded, dazed. She crossed her arms sternly. "I want to hear you say it. You are to go on with your lives as if nothing's changed. Do you understand?"

"Yes." We both answered quickly.


	15. Tom's Interlude

**THOMAS ROSE, (Architect, Professor of Art, self-proclaimed impressionist painter)**

_... it hits you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. You can't breathe. You can't think. At least, not about anything but the pain..._

This was not how I pictured my life at age forty. Since I was barely a man I have become so disgusted with hospitals and death that I can hardly bear to even be near a hospital. Ever since my parents went into one and never came out I have been running...running from something I can't put my finger on. Perhaps I was running from my life...from my pain...from any source of family and feelings I could find. Across the Atlantic, thousands of miles away from my barren life of misery in the States I found what I thought was happiness. A life of freedom...a life of liberation and carefree friendships. Sadly, I still would lie awake at night and wonder why my heart felt empty and half formed. Still, life produces all sorts of second chances and the Big Guy up there works in mysterious way and soon enough, I found myself on a fateful journey back to what was once home. Back to the little family I had left. I was ready to be half the man my father had been, maybe even to marry and father some little squirts of my own. Of course, I could still live some years as a bachelor, I was after all, little more than a boy still and yet, I felt I had truly lived.

I'd loved the little life I had made for myself and for the longest time I felt as if I could live that way for the rest of my life. Until one day, I woke on the hard cot in the house of an elderly woman who had been kind enough to give me a home for the week. The sunlight of early morning streamed into the room, waking me and as I looked out into the morning fog, I knew almost as clearly as if Pops was saying it right into my ear. It was time to go home. But how? Arrangements were made and I was soon on my way back across the Atlantic to my childhood home...to my responsibility to my parents. And then I met her...but that story is for another day...another time as I am not trying to convey the tragedy that was my love life.

Nearly sixteen years later, I was on business in Des Moines, Iowa, when I decided on a whim to stop in an art gallery. Within moments, like a moth to a flame, I found myself drawn to an incredible charcoal drawing of a horse, which I bought instantly. The name on the corner of the paper? _J. Dawson. _It intrigued me terribly and, at the same time, filled my chest with a terrible ominous feeling. I felt the oddest impulse to find this J. Dawson, to see his face, and so, I asked the manager where I might be able to find this artist to perhaps purchase more of his work. The man looked at me quite strangely but smiled crookedly.

"I don't know about the artist, but I bought the picture from an art show. The drawing was sent up by a High School down in Cedar Rapids." He replied. I looked down at the picture.

"Cedar Rapids? A student did this?" I asked, very surprised at the talent in this young person. I'd never taught art, but I wanted to teach this boy. The man found the name of the high school and sent me on my way. I cancelled my meeting for that afternoon and took a cab to Cedar Rapids.

The local High School was an average looking school, but the students had already gone home. With much trepidation, I entered the school, clutching the drawing in my hand. The Art teacher was still there and informed me that the mystery artist was no boy, but a fifteen year old girl named Josephine Margaret Dawson. When I expressed an interest in teaching her exclusively and gave them my credentials, I was given her file. She was born in California, oddly enough, in a place I'd lived for a short time. Santa Monica. It wasn't until I saw her mother's name that it struck me the girl had no father. Rose Dawson, a _Titanic _survivor, had remarried a James Calvert and was living happily with he and her two children in Cedar Rapids. Her daughter Josephine, and her young son, James Calvert Jr. The file contained one picture, a picture of the girl of my potential prodigy and when I saw her I _knew _her. It was horrible...and brilliant all at once.

She was an average height, with wild curling hair. Her lips were full and pursed into a self confident smile and her nose was delicate without being too much so. Her eyes though, they were something...not quite large and nothing was quite extraordinary about them but for the light shining color and her eyelashes were long it was easy to tell and even in the picture it was easy to see that Miss Josephine Dawson carried herself with a grace and confidence only a mother could teach her daughter.

I wrote the letter that very day, inviting her to come to Philadelphia and begin lessons with me. I dared not go to Cedar Rapids and disrupt their blissful life, for consequences could have been severe that way. Less than a year later, I received word from Josephine, who had asked to be called Jo, that her stepfather had been killed tragically and that they were very tight on money. Of course, I offered to send money, but Jo didn't think that it was a good idea because her mother would become suspicious. Still, I was not able to give up on her and I had to enlist the help of someone very close to me to get her to Philadelphia.

Indeed, the plan worked and shortly before Christmas of 1932, Josephine Dawson was standing in my office. It obviously wasn't an art school, but it was all I had. It's very hard to describe how I felt when I first saw Jo in person. She was beautiful...a grown woman. Not the skinny girl from the photo I had seen and hair such a vivid shade of red, it was hard to look away. Her skin was not the usual ivory shade of redheads that tended to freckle in the sun. Instead, she was surprisingly tanned with rosy pink cheeks from the cold. The color of her eyes was startling, a twinkling aquamarine blue color. It wasn't until she smiled, however, that I was plunged into the demons of my past. And that voice, that smooth, calm voice was so familiar to me I nearly died of shock.

As the weeks before Christmas passed, I found myself becoming closer to her every day and I filled with the overwhelming need to protect her. There were times when she became very vulnerable and melancholy that hurt my soul. My first glimpse of her mother was the day I took her ice skating for the first time. They looked enough alike to where you knew that they were mother and daughter, but were different enough to where they were each individually stunning. Her mother was beyond description. A woman in her late thirties, with ice colored eyes and the very same brilliant hair that Jo had. They had the same smile and similar noses. Mrs. Calvert was the rare type of woman that has a beauty which radiates from the inside as well as the outside. Though we hadn't ever spoken...I felt I knew her...I knew her soul. I was torn, between the life I had chosen and the life I craved. I told myself I could explain things to Jo first...and then to her mother...tell her mother I was mad for her...but then, my mind always seemed to say that she would hate me for it later. I was lingering at the edges of the person I'd once been, but for some reason, I was resisting stepping into his shoes again.

Then Jo became engaged to her friend David Stirling and everything changed. She had some insane idea to take over her late father's business. A soap company that had been thriving since the early 1900's. It was a preposterous thought, given Jo's talents, which would be wasted anyway. Somehow, I could sense that she felt a sense of responsibility to her father, whom she had never met, and she was determined to carry it out for him. That will was wrong though...it wasn't supposed to be that way. So, on Christmas Day, I found myself on a train to Boston, on my way to the Dawson Soap Company and on the way to see a lawyer. I sighed as I straightened my coat and smoothed my hair, which was far too long for my own good. I had however, shaved but for a bit of stubble. The tips of my fingers tingled and the parts of my feet that had lost feeling seemed to ache as well. I expected the stares as I entered the factory, the gasps even, but I kept my focus on the task at hand. I needed to free Jo from this idiocy and set things right. I felt obligated for I knew Josephine...and I knew her father...Indeed I knew him well...for all I had to do to see Jack Dawson was look in the mirror.

* * *

_A/N: A very short interlude, but necessary all the same. The story will continue with Jo telling it, this is just giving us a bit of insight as to what's to come. If you couldn't figure it out before, this should push it along. Thanks for reading. _

_Syd_


	16. The Orangery

**Jo Dawson, three days before New Years Eve 1932.**

Life isn't fair. I have come to realize that more than ever these past few weeks. Ever since Gloria went back to her parents, the mood at Olivia's had been grim. Dave hardly ever spoke and when he did, it was usually in one word answers. I spent my time staring out the window, praying for something good to happen. The sun barely showed through the heavy winter clouds. The boys kept me busy and I spent more time with Mom, but I found myself helplessly missing my lessons with Tom. I think Ma knew because she tried to keep me as busy as possible. Finally, three days before New Years Eve, I could take the silence no more. I threw on my coat and gloves and decided to go for a walk.

I wasn't sure where I would go, and I found myself aimlessly wandering the streets where Tom's studio was. To my surprise, there was a sign in the window that said, "For Lease." Peering in the window at the darkened room, I found it quite empty. A nauseous feeling crept into my stomach and seemed to seep all the way to my throat as I realized Tom no longer lived here and wouldn't be coming back. Bitter tears stung my eyes as I realized he was gone for good. Talking with Tom had been talking with someone who understood me, but then I realized I knew virtually nothing about Tom. Oh sure, he had revealed tiny details about his life, but nothing of significance.

Dejected, I found a bench near the skating pond we'd gone to before and sat with my head in my hands, allowing myself to sob.

"Now, who made you cry like that? I'll have to have words with him." My head shot up, I hadn't realized that someone had sat beside me and I found myself looking straight into the slate gray eyes of Jonathan. Wordlessly, he handed me his handkerchief. Sniffling, I found my shaking voice.

"Why do you presume it is a man?" He shrugged.

"Women do not make each other cry like that." He replied, rubbing his hands together, his breath visible in the biting cold.

"Don't you have gloves?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"I wasn't planning on being out for long. I noticed you over here. I was actually in a meeting with Mr. Edwards." I nodded in response, not knowing what to say and feeling worlds beyond uncomfortable with the situation.

"How did you know it was me? My face was in my hands." I said. He laughed at this.

"Josephine…I don't know many people with that particular shade of hair…and on such a gray day like this, you can imagine how it shows so clearly. Surely someone has told you that your hair is a cross between the color of rust and a sunset." I knew I was blushing, but I managed a small smile.

"Is that a compliment? Because I have always been under the impression that rust is not a good thing." It felt good to joke.

"Oh, definitely a compliment. In fact, I have been unable to rid my mind of the color since I first met you…was it two years ago?"

I suddenly felt very nervous about the direction this conversation was going in. It was another complication that I did not want or need, and could only end badly. As it had for Dave.

"Yes…it was…I am surprised you remembered me." I heard a slight intake of breath followed by a nervous chuckle.

"Well, I had hoped you would turn up again, so I went to that train station every week and waited for an hour or so…and you were never there." I swallowed at his words, my hands shaking.

"I was in Iowa." I said quietly.

"I know that now." He laughed. "I was so surprised to see you that day outside that studio. It was your hair. You had grown up since the train station, but I recognized your hair right away." Again, I blushed.

"It's getting late…" I said, looking up at him.

"Not for me…do you have somewhere to be?" He asked and I thought ahead. We had no dinner plans, Dave was busy hiding in his room and Ma was working on one of her vases.

"Actually no." It felt wonderful to be absolutely free of obligations for once.

"What a coincidence. Neither do I…would you like to come over to my home for dinner?" My mouth dropped open but I composed myself.

"I wouldn't want to impose." I said and he grinned.

"No imposition at all. Deirdre is out with the girls in New York for the next two days." My eyes widened.

"I don't know if it would be right for us to be alone in your house." Again, he chuckled.

"I won't bite…but if you are that worried, we still have a maid and a cook. They'll be there."

"Oh…" I said, and found myself replying, "Yes, I'd love to come. I really must call Olivia's first though."

I called the house as soon as we walked into the Hockley's. Grant answered.

"Hi Uncle Grant, it's Jo…could you tell my Mother that I am having dinner…" I trailed off, thinking it unwise to tell her I was at the Hockleys's. "In the city." He replied that he would let her know. "Thanks…okay… bye." When I hung up, Jonathan was grinning.

"Nice one then." He said and I glared at him for a moment before smiling.

"Thanks. I just…given the history between my mother and your father…I don't want her to worry. Not to mention, she would have kittens if she knew we were virtually alone in the house."

"I'd hate to see that…" He quipped and I couldn't help myself, I began to laugh.

Half an hour later we were eating soup and a sandwich in his dining room.

"So…how did you meet Gloria?" I asked and I could see the surprise in his eyes.

"Well, I've known her for years, but we became engaged about a year ago. I'd long since given up on…on ever seeing you again. In fact, I often wondered if I had just imagined our meeting in Boston."

"Well, I'm here…and I'm real…and we're both…"

"Engaged. To other people." He finished for me. Our eyes caught for a few moments.

"Maybe I should go…" I said, making absolutely no attempt to leave.

"Stay." He pleaded and I found myself nodding.

"Alright."

"Would you like to see the orangery?" He asked. I frowned.

"What is an orangery?" I asked stupidly. A grin broke on his face as he grabbed my hand, which I am sure was clammy from all of the emotions running through me.

"I'll show you." He said and we grabbed our coats to run out to the large building behind the house. When we entered, it was very warm and humid.

"This," He said proudly, "Is my orangery. This is where the flowers I sent you came from. It's my passion." I was awed by the beauty of all the tropical and exotic flowers and the sweet smells.

"This is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been." I breathed. "It's like being in Heaven."

"It is, isn't it?" He said and when I looked at him, I realized he was staring straight at me.

"I want to kiss you." He said suddenly. My breathing quickened as my heart began to beat against my ribs with fury.

"No…" I said, my resistance fading.

"It was supposed to be you Jo…you were the girl I was supposed to marry…and now…I can't." He sighed, looking away. "I waited for you…I went to that train station every week for a year."

" I know." I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." He said.

"Why do you have to marry her? My family has money too. You would lack for nothing." I was horrified to find myself saying.

"It's not that, Jo…" He said, and I realized he was still holding my hand.

"What is it?" I asked, my stomach in knots. He sighed squeezing my hand.

"He's…blackmailing me."

"What?" I asked, pulling my hand out of his in horror. Jonathan nodded.

"My Dad got pretty desperate about our finances right after the stock market crashed so he made some shady deals to try and save us and Edwards found out somehow before Dad…before he…died." I touched his arm.

"Jonathan…" I said. "I know what happened with your father. It was in the news." He had turned away but I saw him nod.

"Yeah, well…these guys told him that they could double his fortune, put it back to what is was before the crash…and…they…well, they basically ran off with what was left."

"Oh my God…" I said, my hand covering my mouth.

"I walked in on Dad…in his office, he was talking to himself. He was…crying…" I could tell he was having difficulty saying it.

"Jonathan, you don't have to…"

"I know, but I need to." He replied. "He said, 'Forgive me Bella…Deirdre…' and finally he said, 'Rose.' Then he shot himself. I screamed for him not to, but it was too late…he…fell…to the floor…" Two tears were making their way down his cheeks and as I stood there watching him suffer as he relived his father's suicide, I suddenly threw my arms around him and held him as my mother held me when she was upset.

"I'm sorry." He choked and I sighed.

"Why are you apologizing to me Jonathan?"

"I don't know…" He replied pulling back to look at me.

"You are beautiful." He said and I looked down at my hands, embarrassed.

"You don't need to say things like that to me. I like you already." I said. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and chuckled.

"Just say thank you and take your compliment Josephine." He said. I found the courage to look back up at him.

"Call me Jo."

"Only if you call me Johnny." He replied. "I still want to kiss you."

"No." I said, turning away again, focusing on a bright pink flower.

"They're called Birds of Paradise." He said, and I sighed. "Why won't you let me kiss you?"

"We just can't Johnny." My heart was pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to fall in love with you!" I cried, before slapping my hand over my mouth.

"What?" He said and I looked at him desperately.

"I…don't want to fall in love with you. Especially not after what you just told me! You're being blackmailed to marry Gloria Edwards, Johnny! And I…"

"Need to get married to inherit the company." He said dryly. "A company which doesn't suit your talents, that you will hate running. You're throwing your life away for nothing!" He said, running a hand through his black hair so that it stuck up in all directions.

"And what about you? You don't think you are? Maybe you should just tell the world the truth about your father so Edwards can go screw himself! Have you thought about that?" I asked, angry now, so angry in fact, that I felt myself shaking with rage. His eyes turned dark.

"Do you think I haven't thought of that? Every Goddamned _day_ since I saw you again? My father died because he couldn't bear the public failure, do you think I am going to let his name be smeared further? Do you think I want my sisters and stepmother to have to walk the streets and hear whispers in their wake? I won't _have _it! I _owe_ that much to him since I couldn't save him!" I stood their looking at him with my mouth hanging open.

"It wasn't up to you to save him Jonathan! He made his own choice and you should make your own decisions. It's what he would have wanted, why can't you see that?" I couldn't look at him anymore and I ran from the orangery and got halfway to the house when he caught up with me and grabbed my arm. I was whirled around and before I could say anything to him, he was kissing me as I had never been kissed before. I couldn't bear the pain and pulled away, slapping him across his cheek and leaving him standing there in the softly falling snow.

When I walked into Aunt Olivia's I tried to walk straight past the sitting room where she and my mother were but they caught me.

"Jo!" Ma called.

"Leave me alone!" I sobbed back and fled into my room, locking the door behind me. Inevitably, there was a knock at my door moments later and Mom's voice came through.

"Jo, are you alright? What happened? Where were you?" I tried to ignore her, but she was relentless. Finally, I opened the door and she came into the room.

"What happened Jo?" She asked. I only looked out the window at the now heavy snowfall. "Jo?" I shook my head and heard her sigh angrily. "Josephine Margaret Dawson, you had better start talking."

"Jesus Mother! Can't you let me be? I am _not _a _child _damn it!"


	17. After Midnight

I knew I'd hurt her when she recoiled from my touch.

"Ma…I…I'm sorry I…"

"I'll just leave you to your thoughts Josephine." She said coldly and flounced from the room. I looked down into my lap until I realized I wasn't alone in the room. A small frame was in the doorway.

"You're mean!" Jamie said, glaring at me. I looked at him apologetically.

"I know Jamie…I'm sorry." I said quietly as he invited himself to sit next to me.

"I miss Daddy, Jo." He said quietly. "Nothing has been the same since Dad died. Mama's lonely all the time and I just wish she were happy again." I sighed and put an arm around his shoulders. He was almost ten years old now and wise full of questions.

"I miss him too. Sometimes I don't know who I am anymore." I said softly.

Jamie stared at me.

"Daddy wasn't really your Dad was he, Jo?" I looked down at him, surprised.

"Oh…he was…in every way he could have been, but no…he wasn't my biological father. Mama was married before…and my real dad died before I was born." I opted for the easy explanation.

"What is a biological father?" I gulped, knowing this conversation had taken a turn.

"Um…I don't…when a mother and father decided to have a baby it's the dad who decides to make the baby with the mom." I answered dumbly. He shrugged.

"Okay…I'm going to go play with Luke." He said and left. I thought of Mom, who really was lonely and the way I had spoken to her. I decided to go talk to her.

I found her reading in her room.

"Good book?" I asked cautiously. She looked up at me and stared for a moment before nodding. She showed me the cover. _Les Miserables. _

"I've read it five times but I'll probably read it five more." She replied. "How are you Jo?"

"I don't know. Tom's gone." I said, sitting on her bed. Her eyebrow raised.

"What do you mean…gone?"

"I went to his studio today and there was a 'For Lease' sign on the window and it was empty and dark." My lip began to tremble again as I remembered how much I would miss Tom.

"I'm sorry sweetheart." She said, touching my hand.

"It's okay…I just…wish he would have said goodbye. I mean, he said he would be back and he just leaves for good?"

As fate would have it, the telephone rang and Gloria was out with Grant.

"I'll get that…" Mom said, leaving the room. I heard her answer in the hall.

"Hello?" She paused and barely above a whisper said, "Who is this…? Oh! Tom! Of course! Yes…no, this is actually Jo's mother. Yes!" She laughed. "Oh, wonderful…she'll be so glad to talk to you. Yes…she went by the studio today and was a bit distraught…oh, of course!" She giggled…my mother actually giggled. I got up and met her in the hall.

"Are you seriously flirting with my teacher?" I asked and heard Tom laugh on the line as she said,

"Here she is…yes, quite the joker. Alright…nice talking to you Tom. Take care." I heard him say, "Goobye Rose." She kissed me on the forehead as I took the phone.

"Hello?" I said and I heard Tom's familiar chuckle.

"Hey kid! Sorry about the scare…but don't worry I will be back, I've just checked into more stable living conditions. I had some business up in Boston but I'll be back in a few days." I breathed in relief.

"That's great!" I said, but my voice was still a bit down.

"What's wrong Jo?" He asked, now sounding concerned. I sighed.

"Nothing Tom…it's just been a strange day. I'll tell you when you get back." I replied. I heard him breathe.

"Alright then…you just take care of yourself Jo…everything will be fine."

"Thanks…oh! Tom! I love the necklace you gave me."

"Sure…I saw it and thought of you…see ya kid."

"Yeah…bye Tom." I hung up feeling half better.

"Well, he's nice…" She said as I joined her again.

"Yes," I replied, "You certainly seemed to enjoy talking to him…you minx!" I laughed and her cheeks turned red.

"W-what did you say?" She asked in shock. I grinned.

"You're some vixen aren't you, hitting on my art teacher! He's handsome too Ma…tall, blonde, you know…good looking. And he's only forty." I teased as she waved me off.

"Oh…you…" She said, but there was a smirk playing at her lips as she resumed reading.

"So…what's happening in your book?" I asked, and she looked genuinely surprised.

"Um…Fantine just died."

"Oh…pleasant…" I joked. She just smiled.

"I…Mom?" I asked. She made a noise of acknowledgement as she read. "That wasn't the only place I went to today."

"Oh?" She looked up again and I bit my lip.

"I saw Jonathan Hockley today. He came upon me crying on a bench over Tom and asked me to his house for dinner."

"Well, that was nice of him wasn't it?" She said, though something in her eyes told me she knew there was more to it. "How are his family?" I thought of telling her that they weren't there but something about the worry in her eyes told me not to.

"Oh they're…well."

"Good…I'm glad." She said, but she did not press me for any more information

"Well…goodnight." I said. She smiled.

"Goodnight Jo. Get some rest why don't you?" When I closed her door behind me, I decided to go talk to Dave. I knocked on his door.

"Dave? Are you up? Listen, I need to tell you something, I…Dave?" I knocked again. "I know you're still upset about Gloria…but…Dave…" When I heard nothing, I tried the doorknob and crept in.

"Dave?" I said again. The lamp was lit on the table and there was a note under it that said, _Jo._ "Oh shit…" I muttered and unfolded it.

_Jo, _

_I'm sure you've realized I am not there by now. I've gone to see if I can convince Gloria to elope with me. I'm sorry…I wanted to do this before there wasn't time for you to find another fiancé. I will call you when we get out of town. _

_Your Best Friend, _

_Dave_

Little did Dave know, that Mr. Edwards had been counting on just that sort of thing.

* * *

**David Christopher Stirling, Hopelessly in love with a woman he has no claim to.**

As I stared at the trellis leading up to Gloria's balcony, I realized this was it. I was going to get her or die trying. I thought of Jo, who was probably reading my note this very minute and my heart clenched at the thought of her worry. She was the dearest person in the world to me, besides Gloria, but I could never build a life with her when I knew Gloria loved me back. We'd begun meeting just after that first dinner party. I sought her out and begged her to meet me at a small café in town. She'd come just as I had nearly given up hope. The next meeting took place in the park, and I'd kissed her for the first time. I never wanted to kiss another woman again. After that, we'd met in her parents' carriage house. She pretended to be ill and I stole away to be with her. It was one of those nights that we'd made love.

Now, as I stared up that trellis, I knew that we were meant to be together and it was tearing me apart as to why she'd let her father bring her back to this place. I knew he manipulated her using her mother's health. Mrs. Edwards suffered from tuberculosis and had nearly recovered before relapsing. She was sometimes bedridden for days. It devastated Gloria and she'd cried to me in the carriage house. I'd stroked her long buttery blonde hair and told her that no matter what she would never have to be alone. I'd never felt love before. It was wonderful but it hurt me. I told her on Christmas Eve that I loved her at the ball and had begged her to tell her father that we were in love. She resisted but the next day she had showed up at Jo's Aunt's and told us that she had done as I had asked. It was my fault she was in this situation and I was going to get her out of it.

So I began the climb up that trellis and though I nearly slipped, I managed to throw myself onto her balcony and tap lightly at the glass on the French doors. A light went on and I saw her silhouette through the filmy curtains. Meekly, she opened the doors and hope filled her blue eyes.

"David!" She whispered in horror. "You can't be here…please…go before he finds out."

"No…I'm not going anywhere without you." I replied, crossing my arms.

"He told me if I didn't get rid of you, he would…" She pleaded. I breathed.

"He said that?" She nodded, clutching her robe around her. "I don't care…I love you Gloria and I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh _David!_" She cried and launched herself into my arms.

I tried to reassure her and she seemed to be convinced I was right and began to pack a few things.

"You can't bring much, only what you need…" I said and she nodded.

"Do you think he'll do anything to Jonathan if I leave?" There was real concern in her voice. I didn't know what to say.

"You're going to elope with me and you wonder if _he'll_ be okay?" I asked, only joking but her face remained grim.

"You don't know what he's like…he's so much worse than I ever imagined…" A key clicked in the door and it swung open, bathing the hallway in light.

"She's quite right you know." Keegan Edwards said, staring at me with murder in his eyes.

"Don't you touch her." I said, making sure she was safely behind me.

"Do you want to try me boy? Or shall I tell you some of the things I've done?" When I didn't answer he laughed and stepped into the room. "Well, let's start with how I ruined Cal Hockley so I could buy most of his steel mills. You see, being in the auto industry it is convenient to have so many steel mills at your service. I pulled a few strings with some crooks I knew and they made sure Hockley went bankrupt." I glared at him, not standing down.

"You are sick." I said and he shrugged.

"Hockley was an idiot, always thinking of others and so is his son."

"Gloria, go on…I'll hold him off…" I said, clenching my fists, fully prepared to fight. She grabbed her slight bag and began for the trellis.

"Oh, Gloria dear…I wouldn't do that just yet. You see, the police are on their way…to arrest Mr. Stirling here."

"On what charges?" I asked, looking at Gloria's tear streaked face.

"Kidnapping." He said, "You tried to kidnap my only daughter."

"Bullshit! You know that's not true and so does she! Who would believe that?" Edwards laughed again, maniacally.

"Oh you stupid stupid boy…the police are under my checkbook."

Moments later, true to his word, the police arrived and put me in handcuffs ignoring Gloria's pleas.

"Don't worry…I'm going to find a way for us to be together…" I said as they pulled me away from her. She shook her head.

"I won't have you ruin yourself for me…find another girl…be happy. You don't need this David." She said and I stopped resisting.

"You mean, stop fighting for you?" I asked and she nodded.

"If it will keep you safe then yes! I'll marry Jonathan Hockley…marry Jo! Have babies…just get as far away from all this as you can!"

I couldn't hear anything else she said because I was shoved into the back of a police car. I watched her silently as it pulled away, she sobbed into the night helpless against her father's rage. An hour later I was sitting in a cell with no light but the slight moonlight through the clouds.

"Who do you want us to call?" An officer asked. I shrugged, not caring what happened to me anymore. "You're that Stirling man who is engaged to Dawson's daughter!" I vaguely heard him phone Olivia's house.

"Hello? Who is this? Yes, I need to speak with Josephine Dawson…yes I am aware it is well past midnight. Thanks." He waited a moment before Jo obviously got on the phone. "Yes, Miss Dawson? This is the Philadelphia police…we have your fiancé in custody."


	18. Jack Dawson, My father

**Jo Dawson, 2:30am, 2 days before New Years Eve 1932**

"_He's in there, I know it!"_

"_Please sweetheart, stay here."_

"_But that's my Daddy in there, I saw him! Daddy! Daddy!"_

"_Jo?" _

"Jo?" My eyes opened to the sight of my mother's worried face.

"Ma?" I croaked, glancing at my alarm clock. "What is it?"

"There's a phone call for you…" She said and I sat up.

"For me?" I repeated and when she nodded, I didn't even bother with a robe, I got up and let her guide me to where Grant stood in his robe with Olivia, holding the receiver in his hand. A horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach I took it from him.

"H-hello?" I said, my voice cracking from exhaustion and worry.

"Yes, Miss Dawson? This is the Philadelphia police…we have your fiancé in custody." I nearly dropped the phone.

"D-Dave? Mr. Stirling? What happened, what has he done?" But as I asked the question, I knew it had something to do with Gloria.

"He attempted to kidnap young Miss Edwards…" The man said. Ma was eyeing me.

"That's impossible…there must be some mistake…"

"No mistake Miss…we caught him. Look, can we expect you to bail him out or does he stay?"

"No…no…I'll be there…thank you." I said. He grunted goodbye as I spun around to the expectant faces.

"It's Dave…he's in jail." Mom gasped and Olivia looked at Grant who remained solemn.

"What are the charges?" He asked. I sighed.

"That's the thing…it's fishy. They said he tried to kidnap Gloria Edwards. They caught him…"

"Oh my God." Mom finally said.

"I'm going…" I said, spinning on my heel to go get dressed.

"I'll come with you." Grant said.

"Thanks." I replied. Twenty minutes later we pulled up to the Philadelphia police station. I heard Dave before I saw him. He was begging the officer to send someone to watch Gloria.

"Ah, right on time…Miss Dawson I presume?" The officer, who was a middle aged, tired looking man.

"Yes…yes…" I said robotically as he led me to Dave.

"Jo! Jo…he set me up, he…" I held up my hand to quiet him and leaned in to whisper.

"Dave…be smart…I know…he's a piece of shit. But right now I am worried about you, so I'm going to kiss you and pretend like I was so worried and I am going to tell the officer that you were simply there to fetch back a scarf Gloria had borrowed from me. Play along." He nodded blankly as I pressed my lips to his. Just as I'd expected I didn't feel at all like I had earlier that evening when Jonathan Hockley had kissed me, but I did a damn good job of pretending I did.

I turned coyly back to the officer.

"Oh thank goodness!" I said sweetly, trying to be flirtatious. "This is all just a silly misunderstanding. You see David wanted to do me a favor and fetch back my favorite red scarf. Gloria had borrowed it for a dinner she was attending but I need it back." I laughed and the officer softened.

"Well that is a relief. Sorry about the confusion. Edwards is very protective of his girl." He said and I nodded.

"Yes…Gloria and I are great friends." I lied, chancing a look back at Dave.

"Well, shall we get the paperwork completed then?" Grant said as the officer let Dave out and removed his handcuffs. I patted his arm, trying to control the irritation I felt at his utter stupidity.

When we walked in the door of the house, it was well after four in the morning and I was fit to be tied.

"Pull a stunt like that again and I'll kill you myself." I muttered as Mom watched us walk by. "We'll talk tomorrow." He sighed and disappeared upstairs.

"I called Liz and Randy. They're leaving this morning on the first train. They were going to come back for the wedding, but they are coming early to keep an eye on him." I nodded, yawning.

"He's a fool." I said dryly and Ma looked wistfully at the stairs.

"He's in love." She said.

"Love is overrated." I retorted. She looked taken aback.

"Josephine Dawson, I have never heard you speak that way…" She said and I looked at her. The look in my eyes seemed to affect her.

"Love is more trouble than it's worth. Terrible things happen to people who are in love." I left her standing there with her mouth open, thinking about nothing but the soft warm bed waiting for me. The only thing I feared now was the dream I seemed to have more frequently nowadays.

Liz and Randy arrived with Belinda two days later on New Years Eve. Belinda had grown up since I had last seen her and her attitude toward me was somewhat warmer. She gossiped with me and I actually found myself enjoying her company. I was, in fact, talking with Belinda when the doorbell rang and I was told it was for me. It was the last person I wanted to see, Mr. Hockley himself.

"Hello Miss Dawson." He said and I clenched my hands into fists, not out of anger but anxiety.

"How are you Mr. Hockley?" I asked and he smiled, handing me a small bouquet of some kind of lily.

"A peace offering. I sincerely hope you will accept my apology for my behavior at our last meeting. It was rude." I swallowed and nodded, taking the flowers.

"Thank you…of course. These are lovely." I gestured for him to sit beside me so I was between he and Belinda on the settee.

"Won't you come for dinner, Jonathan?" Olivia asked from the doorway.

"Certainly…thank you Mrs. Banks." He replied, holding his hat in his hands. Ma walked in and smiled warmly at him.

"Hello Jonathan…how are you?" She said, holding Luke on her hip. Jamie wasn't far behind, with his toy train.

"I am well, thank you…looking forward to a New Year...well, I must go. I just wanted to apologize." He added and left. and Belinda nudged me, leaning in to whisper.

"Jo…he's so handsome. You should marry him and not stupid old Dave." I laughed and patted her hand.

"Thanks Lindy…but no. He's engaged." Her face fell with disappointment and I saw a bit of a schoolgirl crush in her eyes.

"Jo…" Aunt Olivia said, sitting across from me in an armchair, "I…well…I finally got our pictures sent out here from Chippewa Falls. I thought you might like to see." Ma told the boys to go play in their room. Belinda excused herself so that Olivia and Ma could sit on either side of me. Olivia opened the first photo album which was full of ancient wedding pictures and baby pictures. A young modest couple in simple formal wear smiled up at the camera. The man had the same eyes as me with dark hair and a wide smile. The woman was an elegantly tall woman with fair hair and skin.

"Those are my parents…your grandparents." I nodded, seeing the resemblance.

Another picture of a girl who was no older than ten, holding the hand of a toddler. A little blonde boy in overalls with light hair and the same eyes as his father.

"That is Jack." Olivia said and I nodded.

"I could tell…" I said and Ma bit her lip as if trying to remember him. The next page caught my eye. Jack was now older, probably around eleven and was wearing a suit. He smiled proudly at the camera. I laughed and looked at Ma.

"This sounds crazy, but he reminds me a bit of Jamie…it must be the age." I said and Mom nodded.

"Your brother does tend to get that look in his eye doesn't he?" Olivia smiled fondly.

"That was Easter Sunday. That was the day I met Grant. You see, Jack was playing with one of his friends and they knocked Grant over. I was eighteen."

She pulled out the next album, which was the one I had seen in the library, though I did not say it.

"Are you ready for this?" She asked me and I nodded, looking at my mother. She was surprisingly calm and smiled encouragingly. She opened it and I looked at a pubescent boy with light hair and the same smile.

"He was fourteen." Olivia said with a chuckle. "That was the year before Mom and Pops…"

"Pops?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. My mother looked over at me. Olivia just smiled and looked back down. We finally came to the last page and the last picture.

"This is the last picture I have of Jack before he disappeared. It was at the funeral." I peered down at the picture and it was the only one of Jack where he was not smiling, but looking at the camera with a hollowness I hoped to never feel.

"This is the Jack I remember." Ma said, touching the picture. The smile left my face as I looked at him.

"Wait…_this_ is _Jack?_" I asked, taking the picture gently from the page. I looked up at Olivia, feeling wounded and she guiltily looked away.

"I know it must be hard to see him Jo…" Ma comforted, but she had no idea. This wasn't Jack, this _couldn't _be Jack because Jack was dead and this man was _not _dead! I felt the urge to vomit.

"I have to go…" I said, getting up and still clutching the picture of my father in my hands.

"Jo…you look positively green."

"I just…need to go…" I said and ran from the house, grabbing my coat on the way out before anyone could stop me. I heard Olivia say behind me,

"Let her go Rose…"

I found myself at Jonathan's once again, staring at his door. I sighed and rang the bell. A maid answered.

"Dear…are you all right then?" She asked. I gulped.

"Is Mr. Hockley here?" I asked, not really knowing why I wanted to see him, but it was far enough away from everyone else that I didn't care at the moment.

"Yes…he's out in the orangery…do you want me to let him know you're here?" She asked kindly.

"No…I'll go out myself. Thank you." I replied, and I was so out of sorts I barely remembered how I'd gotten to the Hockley home. The world seemed to haze around me.

I opened the door to the orangery and bit my lip before calling out.

"Jonathan?"

I heard a slight rustle nearby followed by his voice.

"Just a minute…who's there?" I looked back down at my picture.

"It's Josephine…Dawson." I replied, though I knew it wasn't necessary. He came around a flower bush, wiping his hands.

"Jo?"


	19. The Orangery, revisited

**There are some sexual situations in this chapter. Nothing detailed though. PG-13. Like the movie! lol. **

**In which our story takes a turn...**

"What happened? What's wrong?" He asked and I felt my lip tremble.

"My father…he's alive." I said, feeling the tears burn behind my eyelids.

"Wait, what?" He asked. His shirt was partially unbuttoned and the sleeves were rolled up to the elbow. He wore khaki work pants and boots and his face was smudged with dirt. I pushed the photo forward.

"This is my father." I said and he nodded.

"You look like him a bit." He said. I caught my reflection in one of the windows.

"I should have noticed it before."

"Jo…what are you talking about?" I didn't know how to express what I was saying so I began to cry. It was horribly juvenile and I hated it, but I couldn't stop it.

"Tom…Thomas Rose…_this _is Thomas Rose! He's been using me! Lying to me!" I sobbed even harder. "How could he? How could he do this to me? To my mother?" I stopped, my eyes widening. "My mother doesn't even know…she's never met Tom."

"Jo…calm down…" Jonathan said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Calm down? Calm _down_? My dead father has been alive all this time and he didn't even care to _tell _me, I am _not_ going to calm…" I couldn't say anything else because he had lunged forward and kissed me. I dropped the picture of Jack, but at that moment I didn't care because somehow my hands had found a new purpose. To unbutton Jonathan's shirt.

He pulled away, but only just so that our foreheads were touching.

"Are you sure about this?" He whispered. Unthinking, I nodded and we sunk to the floor of the orangery, surrounded by the sweet smells and the bright colors. The humidity of the building made both of us glisten with sweat as we undressed each other.

"Is this your first time?" I asked unsure why I felt it necessary to whisper.

"Yes." He replied against my neck. "Is it yours?"

"Of course!" I replied haughtily, making him laugh. I smiled too.

I knew what we were doing was idiotic, and I'd barely ever kissed a boy, so the fact that I was lying nearly naked with one was quite a surprise to me. Did these thoughts run through my mother's mind when she was with Jack Dawson on that ship? Not that I cared anymore. He could rot for all I cared…the sick bastard. I heard Jonathan whisper something like,

"It might hurt." I looked up into his gray eyes and sighed.

"I don't care…I just want to be with you." I said, letting him kiss me. He was right. It hurt like hell, but only for a minute before it began to feel like Heaven. The only sound I could hear was the sound of our breathing and the occasional whisper of comfort from him.

"I love you Jo…I always have…" He said and I finished with him not far behind.

We pulled apart after a few moments and looked at each other.

"I'm going to figure something out." He said finally, pulling his underwear and pants on as I followed suit.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He grabbed my hands.

"Jo…I can't marry Gloria now…I'm going to…to…go to the town newspaper and tell the truth about Dad!" There was new determination in his eyes as he grinned. "T-then I am going to go over to Keegan Edwards's and tell him to fuck off!"

"Whoa…Jonathan…slow down." I said, handing him his shirt. "That guy is sadistic."

"Then," He continued. "I'm going to come to your aunt's and ask your mother for her permission to marry _you._ We'll deal with your father later." He said. I didn't know what to say, he had rendered me speechless.

"You want to marry me?" I asked, letting him pull my coat back around my dress and hand me the picture of Jack.

"Of course I do. I wanted to marry you the day I met you in that train station." He looked down at me. "That is, if you'll have me." I threw my arms around him.

"Oh yes! Of course! Of course I'll marry you!" I cried, forgetting Edwards, forgetting Jack. He chuckled.

"I'll propose properly of course…with a ring and…well, you'll see." He kissed me again and we held hands as we walked back into his house. He called a cab for me and as I was getting in we kissed goodbye and he said,

"I'll see you at dinner…I love you Josephine."

"I love you too." I said and I meant it.

I walked into Olivia's house smiling like an idiot, but when I saw my mother, the memory of what I'd just done in Jonathan's orangery sent color flooding to my face.

"Jo…are you alright?" She asked hesitantly. I nodded, tossing the picture of Jack onto the hall table.

"I'm fine…where is Dave?" Mom reached out to hug me. I tensed, wondering if she could tell just be touching me that I had given myself to Jonathan.

"Jo…you left so suddenly earlier…like you'd seen a ghost. Was it hard for you to see Jack?" She asked and I remembered my anger from earlier.

"Oh. Him." I muttered. "You have no idea." Her eyes were dark with worry. "I need to talk to Dave."

"He's upstairs." I started up the stairs when the phone rang. The maid answered and told me it was for me.

"Hello?" I said, praying it wasn't Tom…Jack…whatever.

"Jo?" It was Jonathan. I must have turned even redder.

"Hi…" I said, loathing the lovesick sound of my voice.

"Here's the plan sweetheart," He said, taking a breath. "I've just met with the owner of the Philadelphia News. He's going to send all of the details to New York and all of the big papers. I'll be at dinner. Edwards won't bring Gloria…so…here's what Stirling needs to do. While Edwards is there, he needs to leave the party and get Gloria. I am going to arrange for a cab to wait around the corner from Edwards's house. The cab will take them to the train station. I've called Deirdre already in New York. She will be waiting for them…she knows what's going on. The train will take them to New York city. Deirdre will meet them there tomorrow morning."

"Okay…" I said, glancing at Ma, who looked suspicious.

"Pretend like I called you to tell you that Deirdre won't be back in time for the party." He said.

"Alright…well, that's too bad." I said, playing along.

"I love you Jo." He said quietly.

"Yes, you too…I'll tell them…thank you Mr. Hockley." I said and hung up the phone feeling a mix of elation and fear. I turned to Mom.

"Jonathan Hockley called to say that Mrs. Hockley won't be back tonight to come to the party."

"Oh…that's too bad." Mom said. I kissed her cheek.

"Well, I need to talk to Dave…so…"

"Oh! Jo…Tom called for you while you were gone…he said he'll be here tonight. Olivia extended an invitation to him."

"Wonderful." I said dryly and went upstairs.

Dave's door was open and he was sitting in the window forlornly.

"Dave…" I said, shutting his door behind me. He looked at me.

"Oh…hello Jo…I'm afraid I won't be much company tonight." He said and I sat beside him.

"We need to talk." I said firmly and he turned to me. "Dave…I can't marry you…I won't." He sighed.

"I see…" He said with no emotion.

"I can't marry you…because you can't be married to two people and you are going to marry Miss Edwards. Tomorrow." He glared at me.

"Don't even joke like that Jo." He said.

"Do you think I would? Dave…something happened today…" I began to tell him what had happened, certain parts that is, and I filled him in on the plan. His eyes were wide with surprise.

"Jo…are you serious? If Edwards finds out…"

"He won't…he'll be here." I said and thought a moment before telling him about Jack. "He's coming tonight. My mother will be devastated. I'm going to tell him off." I said and Dave touched my arm.

"Jo…he's still your Dad. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise…maybe he has a good reason."

"I don't care. There is no excuse for finding out you have a daughter and pretending to be someone else with her. It's disgusting." Dave got up and pulled out a duffel bag.

"I should pack." He said and I nodded.

"It will work this time." I said and he smiled.

"I know."

My dress was laid out for me on my bed, pale gold with a full skirt. It was beautiful. I allowed the maid to pin up my hair and help me into the gown before putting on a delicate headpiece. A slim gold piece that lay over my forehead. The pit of my stomach jumped in excitement as I thought of the events lying ahead. Mom stopped in my room wearing dark blue looking no older than thirty.

"I'm heading down…the guests are arriving. The boys want to say goodnight before you go down." I nodded at her and watched her go down, my heart racing for I knew how horrible she would soon feel when she saw that traitor. The boys were indeed waiting as James was hanging half off his bed and Luke was playing with one of his toys.

"Jo!" Luke cried as I walked into the room. I smiled at them. Jamie was sulking. "What's wrong James?" I asked and he looked up at me scowling.

"Mom said I couldn't come to the party…well, I don't wanna go to her dumb ole party!" I laughed, ruffling his red hair.

"It's going to be boring buddy…I have to go…and I don't even want to!" This seemed to appease him for a moment.

"Fine…but that doesn't mean I am going to like sitting up here all by myself!" He whined. Luke looked over at him hurt.

"I'm with you!" He said defiantly and Jamie rolled his eyes.

"I know." He muttered.

"Goodnight…James." I said and he glared but muttered it back.

People were already filing in downstairs, including Keegan Edwards and his wife. Jonathan walked in quietly a few minutes later and waved me over discreetly.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"The cab is ready for them. It's all paid for…" He said, "I hope Stirling realizes that Edwards has people watching the house. I called on Gloria and filled her in." I nodded dumbly.

"I'm so nervous about all of this…he scares me." I said and Jonathan shrugged.

"He is dumber than you'd think." He smiled at me. "You like nice."

"Oh," I said, turning pink, "Thanks. You too." I scanned the room for my mother and it hit me like a brick. "Oh shit." I groaned. Johnny followed my gaze. I touched his arm. "Excuse me, I need to go give my father a piece of my mind."


	20. Through the Ice

He smiled when he saw me, just like he did any other time we met but I didn't smile back, in fact, I quite glared at him. He'd cut his hair but kept the stubble.

"Jo…you look lovely." He said and I crossed my arms testily.

"You have a lot of nerve don't you…_Jack?_" He stopped smiling but didn't look surprised.

"So Livvy told you then." He said and I nodded.

"_Obviously._ When were _you _going to tell me?" I made sure to look straight into his eyes, which were exactly the same as mine. He stared right back.

"Quite honestly Jo, I wasn't. Until you got engaged." Wrong answer Jack.

"How could you? How could you do this to me? Why would you do that?"

"You couldn't understand Jo." He said quietly. "I thought she was dead. How could I possibly have known? When I found you, you were already sixteen and you had a father who had raised you. I didn't want to confuse you. So I decided to become your teacher, which I may add, you did not need." He sighed. "When I found out about your stepfather passing and your financial situation, I filled Olivia in, who, bless her, wanted nothing to do with it. She said, 'You've made your bed and you should lie in it.' Of course she was right, but I couldn't come clean now…not when you thought I was Thomas Rose." I shook my head.

"You're disgusting." I ground out.

"Jo…I never said I was perfect."

"I never asked you to be! All I wanted was a father! Sorry it was so much to ask!"

"What is this?" A voice behind Tom asked. I froze, looking at my mother. I couldn't find my voice and his eyes widened too. I saw for the first time, a shadow of a young man in them.

"This is a mess Mother…meet my teacher. Thomas Rose." I said and with that, I spun on my heel and left him to her mercy.

"Jo…are you alright?" Jonathan asked. I shook my head.

"No…I am so far from alright, I…" I began to cry again. He pulled me into his chest and I said, "Why is it I always cry like a baby when I am around you?" He chuckled.

"It means you're comfortable with me. Which is good if we're going to be married." I looked up at him. He smiled. "I talked to your mother…and told her everything. Well, with the exclusion of Stirling and Gloria. She gave me her blessing."

He grabbed my hand.

"Come with me…I want to show you something." He said and led me outside. It had begun to snow, but only just. The lights in the garden made it look like a wonderland.

"Wow." I said in awe and when I turned, he was smiling and holding out the ring he'd bought. "Is this the moment?" I asked quietly. He nodded.

"Jo…I should have done this to begin with. Will you?" I wiped my eyes and laughed.

"No! You're not even down on one knee." He looked down.

"Oh, oh yeah!" He sunk down. "There. Better?" I nodded.

"Much…and yes." I put his ring on, having given Dave the one he'd bought me to give to Gloria. It was more suited to her anyway. I let him put his arm around me and sighed, remembering my mother was seeing my dead father very much alive.

"I shouldn't be so happy right now…not when my mother is probably miserable."

"Are you going to forgive him?" Jonathan asked.

"I honestly don't know…right now it just hurts…it hurts me so horribly that he could have known all this time and never said. I should have known. God, Mom was right! I do look a lot like him! It's strange. Even the way we stand and hold a pencil!" I scowled. "I hate it!"

"Jo…you sound a lot like I did after my Dad shot himself. I felt like he'd just left us…that he'd been too much of a coward to step up to his problems. I still haven't forgiven him properly, but I am starting to see that he felt like there was no way out. Maybe he thought we'd be better off. I haven't forgiven him, but I sure do miss him." He looked down at me. "Maybe this is your second chance. I mean, he's still alive. That has to count for something."

We stood there for a few minutes quietly until a shadow filled the light pouring out into the garden.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" I turned to see the looming figure of Keegan Edwards.

"What do you mean?" Jonathan asked. The man was positively seething.

"I just got a call from our butler. He said Gloria is gone. With a note saying she was getting married. To _your _fiancé girl!" I winced at his words. Jonathan held my hand.

"Your butler was right. I'm not marrying Gloria…I'm going to marry Josephine here."

"Do you forget boy, the things I know about Cal?" Edwards asked, so close to us that I could smell the scotch on his breath.

"You…and the rest of Philadelphia…at least, they'll all know tomorrow morning." Johnny said, "I talked to the editor of the News today and they were going to send information to New York, California and every other big paper in the country. It's over Edwards…so you can go screw yourself." I gasped at his audacity. Edwards just stared at us before looking at me and wrenching my arm from Jonathan's grip so hard I yelped.

"Let go! Please you're hurting me!" He pressed harder and I screamed. Jonathan was able to get him away from me and wrestle Edwards to the ground before turning slightly.

"Jo! _Run!_"

* * *

**Meanwhile…[Rose Dawson Calvert, mother of three**

"What is this?" I demanded to know as my daughter looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. Jo glared at her companion, who as of yet, I could not see the face of.

"_This _is a mess Mother…meet my teacher, Thomas Rose." She spat and before I could say anything to her about the plan that Cal's son had revealed to me. Thomas Rose turned around and as I extended my hand to meet him, I realized I knew him from somewhere but couldn't place him.

"Mr. Rose…it's a pleasure. I'm sorry…don't I know you?" I said, trying to place him. He nodded.

"Yes…I believe it's been a bit over twenty years now, but we have met…albeit briefly." And then I knew.

"_Jack?_" It was him. He looked very nearly as I remembered him, though older, his face had matured. His hair was still brassy blond, but his face was complimented with a few lines. It was clear he had become more attractive with age, and I was more in awe than angry at that moment.

"Hello Rose." He said, he was remarkably calm, standing there. He was taller than I remembered and thicker.

"How…? Why…? When?" I babbled. He swallowed.

"I don't know how. I really don't. I woke a week later in a New York hospital without feeling in one of my feet and a few of my fingers." His voice turned dark. "They told me you were dead." I nodded.

"Yes, they would have…I gave them your last name as mine."

"I know. Jo's told me." I remembered suddenly. Jo! My daughter…_his_ daughter! He went on. "When they were trying to get my name they said I mumbled something like 'Tommy…Rose…' So that was what they recorded as my name. When I found out that you were…dead…I just couldn't go back to Livvy…so I wrote to her and told her to tell everyone I was dead. That I was going to live my own life. As Tom Rose. Away from the media and the reminder of…well…"

"I see…" I said feeling horribly numb. It was as if I was talking to a relative I barely knew.

"I got out of the hospital on October twenty-first. Six months after the sinking. I had to use a cane for over a year and I never regained full feeling in my foot or hand. You're going to be surprised to hear this but Cal found out about me. We ran into each other in the hospital." My eyes widened.

"You did." I said quietly. He nodded.

"We actually remained quite good friends from then on, keeping in touch with letters. It was actually Cal who gave me the money to start my business. Which I paid him back of course. After he killed himself…it was…it was a surprise, and it was really hard for me, because he was my last real link to you. Stupid, I know…"

"How did you find out about Jo?" I asked, curious.

He folded his arms before taking a long breath.

"I was in Iowa. At this art gallery and I saw one of her drawings. I thought it was a guy, but I thought it was interesting because it was signed 'J. Dawson.' They sent me to her high school and I saw your name and I knew."

"But…Tom-Jack! Jack…that was three years ago. Why didn't you just come to us and tell us yourself?" I was beginning to feel very out of the loop and it hurt. He gave a short bitter laugh.

"For what? To confuse the poor girl more? To confuse you more? Give me some credit Rose…you were married and had children with your husband. I didn't want to come waltzing back in like some skeleton in your closet." I stared at him very intensely.

"Jack, you could never have been a skeleton in my closet." I was looking at my feet now, feeling very like an awkward schoolgirl again.

"What about Jo though? I mean, she was attached to your husband as her father. I didn't want to make her miserable and make her think she needed to choose between us. And you know she would have felt like that. And when your husband died, I couldn't exactly come and say, 'Guess what Rose? I've been lying to our daughter and to you! I'm back,' could I?"

"Well…no." I admitted. "But I would have forgiven you…for Jo. She's been my life for the past twenty years. I'd do anything for her. And she needed you…why couldn't you see?"

"But she had me…" He said weakly. I glared at him now, furious.

"She needed her father! Damn you and your selfishness Jack Dawson! Damn you to Hell!" I hit him then.

I made to go at him again when I heard a bloodcurdling scream from outside. I looked up at Jack and then caught Olivia's eye. One of the girls in the room ran out and came back inside.

"They've fallen through the ice! Mr. Edwards and Miss Dawson!" I forgot my anger at Jack and realized in a daze that he was pulling me frantically outside. He left me and ran in another direction. Jonathan Hockley was laying across the ice holding Jo's hands and Edwards was nowhere to be seen.

"Jo! _Jo!_" Someone was calling. Was it me? I heard her coughing and her face was white as a sheet.

I heard a sickening cracking sound as the part Jonathan was laying on began to come apart from the hole Jo was in. Then she disappeared under the surface and I screamed as Olivia grabbed my arm and I felt someone run past us.

"Watch out!" It was Jack, of course, and he pulled Jonathan back by the feet and in one swift motion dove into the freezing water. It was like all of my worst nightmares come to life…only this time Jo was involved. Jack had tied a long piece of rope around his waist and Grant was ready to pull them back when he gave the tug. After what seemed like hours, but in reality was only seconds, the rope tugged and the people standing around gave a simultaneous gasp. Jonathan was shivering and crying at the same time beside me. I grabbed his arm, wondering why I was comforting this boy for worrying about my daughter, but I did.

Grant and two other men pulled them back up and onto the snowy bank. Jack could barely keep his chin still from chattering but Jo was not moving. She was pale as death and her hair was frozen. I rushed forward, throwing myself on the ground and grabbing her cheeks which were like ice. Jack swallowed hard and sat her up before slapping her on the back. Almost instantly, she began to cough up water and wretch. Some slight color was coming back to her face. I looked at Jack.

"Where is Edwards?" I asked, shivering myself. His eyes were dark.

"Dead."


	21. What We Do

**Jo Dawson, January 2, 1933, Mercy Hospital of Philadelphia  
**

It was hard to open my eyes, my head felt like I'd been run over by a car. I couldn't remember what had happened before I'd fallen asleep. The last thing I remembered was my fight with Jack and Jonathan proposing.

"M-Ma…?" I groaned, blinking in the morning sun.

"She's asleep." The exhausted male voice answered and I turned my head to see the man who was my father sitting there. Ma was across the room, curled up in an armchair asleep.

"Where am I?" I muttered, rubbing my eyes.

"You're in the hospital. Hypothermia. You fell through the ice kid." He replied quietly. Suddenly, I remembered what had happened. Edwards had gotten to me and we both fell through. He'd hit his head on the way in and was knocked unconscious.

"Did you pull me out?" I asked, unsure of the little I did remember.

"Of course." He replied as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "You know, I once told your mother, 'You jump, I jump.' It's goes the same for you…" Damn it all to Hell, I began to cry again.

"Why?" I asked and he tilted his head, looking at me.

"Because I'm your father. It's what we do. Look Jo…" He said, running a hand through his hair, which was wild again. "You were right…I've been running for too long. It's about time I am who I am." Cracking his knuckles he said, "Before Christmas, when I left, I went to Boston to reclaim the company. I didn't want you throwing your life away on my behalf. You're still welcome to run it with me if you'd like, but I don't think you really want it."

"How would you know?" I retorted. "You don't even know me." I said though it was lame.

"Yes I do." He said. "I know you very well. I know your favorite color is green and your favorite food is turkey." He paused. "I think, Jo, that it is you who doesn't know me and that's my fault. So here goes. My name is Jackson Andrew Dawson Jr. I lived in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin until I was seven when we moved to Boston. We went back to Chippewa Falls often. When I was fifteen my parents were killed. I ran away to Europe and stayed there until I was your age. I won a ticket onto that ship and met your mother. Whereupon…you were conceived. The rest you know." He stopped.

"How did you survive? My mother swears you were dead." I said.

"Honestly? I don't know. Apparently, we hadn't been there as long as we'd thought…the cold had made us a bit loopy. I woke up a week later in a hospital. I lost feeling in my right foot and part of my left hand. I was in the hospital for six months, fighting pneumonia, hypothermia and other complications. The nurses told me I also suffered from night terrors but I never remembered them." I fought hard to keep myself indifferent.

"Did you love my mother?" He glanced at her and nodded.

"Yes." He whispered. "I still do."

"Good. Because if you hurt her, I'll kill you." I said. He laughed finally.

"I wouldn't dream of it…but who's to say she'd even have me after all I've done?"

"Because she loves you too." I looked at my hands. "She said you never told her." He nodded.

"I didn't because I wanted her to be able to move on if I hadn't made it. I never dreamed she would have become pregnant."

"Are you sorry she did?" I asked. I had to. I wanted to know.

"Never Jo, never."

"The first time I ever saw your picture, I knew…you're so like her." He said. I looked at her, she was breathing evenly.

"But I'm like you too." I said. A smile came to his lips.

"So I've heard. From everyone." He said. A groan from Mom diverted our attention.

"What time is it?" She muttered, sounding irritated.

"It's ten thirty." I answered. "She hates mornings." I explained.

"Jo?" She asked, getting up.

"Yeah…I made it." I said and before I could say anything else, she was smothering me with her maternal nonsense. It was nice.

"Where are the boys?" I asked when she let me breathe again.

"They're here. Dave took them for something to eat." I tried to sit up but couldn't.

"Dave? Dave is alright? What about Gloria?" I asked and Mom put her hand up warningly to silence me.

"They're fine. They're married now. They got married yesterday. They called from the train station and when they found out what happened they came back to Olivia's. Jonathan and I were their witnesses." She said as I remembered Johnny.

"Where is Jonathan?" I asked, remembering that I'd sort of promised to marry him. She smiled and looked toward the door.

"Sleeping on the chair outside the room I'd imagine, though I would hate to wake him. He hasn't slept much since your accident."

"How long have I been out?" She asked Jack. He looked at the clock.

"About three hours." He replied with a yawn.

"Haven't you slept at all?" She asked and he shook his head.

"Nope. I hate hospitals." He said.

"Wonderful…" She muttered. "Hungry?" She asked and he nodded. Looking to me, I said,

"I haven't eaten in two days, what do you think?" She laughed and left the room. I heard her talking to Johnny outside the room before I heard him scrambling to get up. It was actually a nurse however who was first to come in. She sighed. Loudly.

"Mr. Dawson. You need to take this medicine. You have a cold!" He raised an eyebrow at her and took the medicine, wincing as he swallowed it. She left in a huff as Jonathan shyly came into the room.

"Hi." He said and I smiled.

"How are you?" I said. Jack got up.

"Well…I'm going to go help your…Mom…with the food and stuff." He said, clearly feeling a bit awkward, but understanding that I needed to speak with Johnny.

"Thanks…" I trailed off, not sure what to call him. I nearly said 'Tom,' but he wasn't Tom at all, he was Jack…and more importantly he was my father. I couldn't bring myself to say 'Dad' though. It almost felt like I would betray James Calvert's memory by saying it. I knew James wouldn't agree, but it was still strange.

"I thought you'd never wake up." Jonathan said, sitting on the edge of my bed. I swallowed.

"I'm glad I did." I said with a yawn.

"I am too." He agreed. "Could I…?" He stopped and frowned.

"What?" I asked and he whispered, looking around,

"Could I kiss you?" I laughed, even though my body was sore.

"Of course…if you still want to marry me that is…"

"Oh, yes…" He said and kissed me lightly, but we both jerked back when someone walked into the room.

"I don't believe it…Josephine Dawson…back from the dead!"

"Shut up Dave…" I muttered as he threw himself at me.

"I thought we'd lost you Jojo…" He said as I hugged him weakly.

"I heard you got married." I said, noticing Gloria standing shyly behind him. She stepped forward.

"I'm so sorry that my father…" She said biting her lip. I patted her hand.

"It's okay. I'm sorry about your loss." I said. After all, the girl had still lost her father.

"That's alright. At least Mom and I are okay now. David and I are moving to New York and she's coming with us."

"That's great!" I said, sitting up with Johnny's help. Dave nodded.

"Your Dad wants me to help head up the company in the city."

"_My _Dad? Oh, you mean Jack." I laughed nervously. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that."

"Now that we know the truth…it's so obvious." He replied. "I mean, you do remind me a lot of him. The way you guys talk and your weird habits…"

"Thanks a lot Dave." I said dryly.

"You know what I mean." He said.

"So, how was your wedding?" I asked and Gloria thought a moment before saying,

"Short." We all laughed.

"It was in the hospital chapel." Dave said putting an arm around her.

"It was crowded." Jonathan agreed. "And there were only four of us there!" Another round of laughter.

Mom walked in a minute later, arguing with Jack. The boys were close behind them.

"Really, I am perfectly capable of carrying food myself, if you would have just…"

"Rose?" He replied, setting the food down.

"What?" She asked, her eyes blazing.

"Just hush up. For two seconds…'kay?" I hid my smirk and rolled my eyes.

"Get a room…you're making us all sick." I interjected and Mom turned to give me a look of death.

"Yeah Mom…shut up already! He's just helping." Jamie said. This time, my mother's look of death was for Jack.

"Nice." She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You…are so annoying!" She shot at him.

"Yes…we covered that point…about twenty years ago." He retorted. That did it. She broke and I noticed her start to smile before stopping herself.

"I like him Mom…he's funny." Jamie said and Luke agreed.

"Me too!" He cried, which set Jamie off.

"Copycat!" He said and before they could start fighting again.

"Would everyone stop fighting for two minutes? I have not eaten since New Years Eve!" The room became silent as Mom dropped a bowl of hot cereal in my lap.

"Here." She said. I made a face. I hated hot cereal.

"It's that or nothing Josephine, so I suggest you eat." I spooned some into my mouth and tried not to wince. There was no flavor.

"And by the way Jack Dawson…you were annoying then and you're annoying now!" She said, crossing her arms. He remained cool.

"You weren't complaining then." He replied smoothly and I cringed.

"Too much information thank you."

"And another thing!" She went on, obviously looking for a fight. "I still haven't forgiven you!"

"I hadn't expected you too Rose…you're too proud. And I don't blame you if you never forgive me…" He said just as calm as ever.

"Fine! I forgive you!" She said. Jamie leaned over to me.

"What is wrong with her?" He asked. I shrugged.

"She's a loon…" I whispered. He giggled.

"What?" She asked testily and I raised one eyebrow at her.

"Oh, I was just wondering when you two were going to kiss, because you're driving us all nuts."


	22. One Year Later

**Christmas 1933, Josephine Hockley**

**Boston, MA**

"Ma? Jamie? Luke? _Anybody?_" I asked, opening the door to my mother's home of nearly a year. I motioned for Jonathan to come in behind me. The house was silent, which was really strange as my brothers were quite possibly the loudest children I'd ever met.

"Is anyone even here?" Johnny asked, taking my coat and hanging it on the rack. I jumped as James poked his head around the corner.

"Hey Jo…we gotta be quiet." He whispered.

"Why?" I asked in a lower voice.

"Mom's sleepin'." He replied and I suddenly understood.

"Oh. Gotcha. Where's Luke?" Jamie pointed down the hall.

"In the living room with Dad and Jack." I nodded, starting toward the living room as James fell into step behind me to inquire Johnny.

"Hey Johnny, do you want to go sledding after lunch?"

"Sure kid! Your sister and I will take you guys out for a while." He replied easily, and I could tell he was smiling behind me.

"Really?" Jamie was excited now, "Is that okay Jo?"

"No problem." I grinned. I heard a wail of protest as I walked into the living room, where my father, bless him, was trying in vain to diaper his infant son. I cleared my throat, trying to hold back my wry grin. He looked up panicked, obviously thinking I was my mother.

"Rose…I just can't figure this damned thing…" He noticed it was me. "Oh, Jo?" Luke laughed.

"Daddy's funny…he tried to put three diapers on Jack already." Luke told us excitedly. I rolled my eyes affectionately.

"Dad…" I tried to speak without laughing. I turned the baby so that he was facing me and grabbed a new diaper. Within seconds, my smallest brother was clean and dry.

"He peed on me." Dad said dryly. "Twice." He added. With a giggle, I put the baby's blue jumper back on.

"Amateur." I teased. "How's Mom?"

"Tired." He replied, shaking Jonathan's hand.

"Has Dave called?" I asked, sitting with the month old baby in my lap. He smiled faintly, which I knew wasn't _really _a smile, but it was cute all the same.

"Yes…they'll be along in a bit. The train was delayed." Dad said, slumping against the back of the couch.

"Poor Gloria." I said, thinking of my friend. "But she's staying with us until after the baby is born right?" Dad nodded, gently taking a broken toy away from Luke.

"You could hurt yourself Buddy." He said when Luke began to whine in protest.

"It's a stupid toy anyway." Luke replied grumpily. Dad chuckled, ruffling his hair and pulling him to sit beside him.

"He thinks he's so tough because he'll be four in two days."

After lunch, we took the boys slepping so that my parents could relax. Ma was awake when we came back in, flushed from the cold. I almost died of shock. She'd cut her long hair to her shoulders.

"It was bothering me." She said in response to my open mouthed surprise.

"It looks nice." I offered, meaning it. It complimented her well and was very modern.

"So, how is married life?" She asked Jonathan and I as we sat on a loveseat.

"Busy." Johnny answered, laughing. I nodded in agreement.

"I don't think we've been home for more than a day for six months!" Jonathan squeezed my hand.

"We're going to Europe for a few months after New Years." He said as Ma raised her eyebrows, sipping her tea.

"_That_ sounds fun…" I could see it, the fear in her eyes. I reached across to grab her hand.

"It's okay…the cruise companies have really improved safety standards…they don't want another _Titanic_ on their hands."

"I know…" She replied uneasily, biting her lip.

"Rose…" Dad interjected. "The odds of that happening again…are so small…" He was always so calm, it never ceased to amaze me. I was glad to inherited that trait…well, for the most part. I had Mom's temper though and poor Jonathan had seen it a few times in the six months we'd been married.

"Yes, I know…" Mom went on, sighing, "You'll be fine. Just be sure to write us and let us know you've arrived."

"I promise." I said reassuringly.

"Mom_ma_!" Jamie said coming into the room impatiently.

"What is it James?" She asked, reaching to brush some of his long brown hair out of his eyes.

"Dave and Gloria are here and is she ever _big!_ Even bigger than you were when you had Jack!" I smacked his arm.

"Be nice. You'd better tell her how pretty she looks or I'll pop you one." I warned. He scowled and nodded, walking away.

"You should have _seen_ how big I was with Jack." Ma muttered. I turned to her with a small grin on my face.

"I _did_. It wasn't pretty. I thought a toddler was going to come out of you." I joked.

"Josephine!" Ma cried, stifling a laugh.

"Or at least twins! He was a monster baby!" I amended. She shook her head as the door opened and Gloria walked in, guided by Dave. Jonathan rose so that she could sit next to me. She wasn't as large as James had made her out to be, but for her petite size, it was a bit overwhelming.

"How do you feel?" I asked, putting my arms around her. She giggled, hugging me tightly.

"My feet are swollen, my back hurts, I can't sleep anymore and I have stretch marks…I feel great!" She sounded sincere. "Of course, I'll feel much better when he or she is on the _outside _of my body. But it's worth it."

"Sorry we're late." Dave said, kissing my cheek. "Gloria wanted to visit her Mother's grave before we came, so we stopped off in Philadelphia." Constance Edwards had succumbed to tuberculosis in June, just after Gloria had found out she was pregnant. She'd been buried beside Gloria's grandparents near Jonathan's father and mother. We visited Deirdre and the girls as often as we could. More often than not, Jonathan and I were bombarded with questions about having children, but we both felt it wasn't time yet. Not for me. I had decided that summer to start writing a memoir, for which Ma offered some of her diary excerpts. Dad wrote a short piece, and Dave of all people contributed a bit. I was about halfway done with my own part.

The day before New Years, Gloria gave birth to Michael David Stirling, who had a head of gold hair and blue eyes just like both of his parents. Liz and Randy had arrived with Belinda on Christmas Day, so they were thrilled to be there for the birth of their first grandchild. Liz raved that Michael looked exactly like Dave had when he was born. Michael was a surprisingly small baby, but healthy. Dave was so proud he didn't know what to do with himself, and had bawled when he'd seen his son for the first time. After that, all the men had drunk into the night and smoked cigars, celebrating. I stayed with Gloria, who was exhausted but so happy, she was glowing.

"He's really something, isn't he Jo?" She asked and I nodded, watching the baby sleep after he'd eaten for the first time. I looked over at Belinda and nodded for her to join us.

"Come on Bel, don't you want to see your nephew?" I asked and she shyly approached us. Gloria beamed at her.

"Would you like to hold him dear?" She asked. Belinda nodded. I took the baby from his mother and gently placed him into his new Aunt's arms. She looked happier than I'd ever seen her. The entire smart attitude was gone. Dave appeared in the doorway, grinning at his little sister.

"He's so pretty Dave." She said in a quiet voice. Dave nodded.

"He is, isn't he?" He agreed.

"He must take after Gloria." I quipped and Dave laughed heartily, coming over to hug me. He embraced me so hard, that he picked me up.

"Put me down you putz!" I cried, smacking him. "Or I'll sic my husband on you!"

"Sorry love, you're at his mercy." Jonathan said, standing in the doorway now.

"You're going to pay for that Jonathan." I muttered as Dave set me on my feet not quite gracefully. My husband strode over to me and put an arm around me.

"You ready for one of those?" He asked, indicating Michael. I looked up at him in horror.

"No…I want to finish the memoir first." I replied, laying my head on his shoulder, feeling him kiss my forehead.

"We have plenty of time…no rush." He said. As I watched Dave and Gloria with their son, I was amazed at how much could change in one year. I'd gotten married, Dave was married, hell, _Mom_ was married! I'd found Jack. I had _another _brother and a godson. Grant's nephew had gone to live with he and Olivia after he'd lost his parents to a car crash. Life was still unfair at times, but I'm often able to see the good through the bad since marrying Jonathan. I've never been happier.


	23. Epilogue: Another Story

**January 12, 1935 **

I awoke sometime after midnight on what was my twenty-first birthday and nudged Jonathan awake. My eyes widened in pain.

"Johnny…Jonathan…" I whispered, wincing. He bolted upright, eyes bloodshot.

"Jo…are you alright?" He asked, checking me over tiredly. I shook my head.

"I think…I think I need to go to the hospital." I replied shakily, attempting to sit up. He nodded slowly, his face white as a sheet.

"I'm going to go call your parents." He said, getting out of bed. "Just try to relax!" He added from the hallway. I heard him trip and fall with a thud. "Ugh." He muttered, picking up the telephone. "Hi…Jack? Sorry it's so late…it's Johnny. Yes…it's time I think…I don't really know…alright…we'll see you there. Bye." He came back into the room and helped me to my feet, guiding my shoes onto my feet. I doubled over as another contraction came. It was time for me to give birth to my first child. After the trip to Europe, we'd come back to the States and had settled into our lives again.

Jonathan had managed to open a new steel mill under the Hockley name, which was proving to be a success. He also worked with my father in Dawson Soap. Dave had proven to be quite a business man, helping to triple the income of Dawson Soap. He now ran the company so that Jack was free to spend his time with my mother and on his architecture which he still enjoyed. He had also gone back to doing freelance artwork.

I had conceived in May one month after returning from Europe and found out in July when I'd realized I had missed my monthly occurrences. The doctor had confirmed and we had been both scared and excited. Mom cried when we told her. My pregnancy had seemed nonexistent until I'd hit the six month mark, and then it was like overnight I had ballooned to epic proportions. I suspected I was carrying a boy who we would name Jonathan Caledon for his father. I was so sure, in fact, that I insisted on buying a Christening suit for him on an impulse at a store. Jonathan was hilarious in his role as expectant father. He was always nervous and worried about me and when he was at the Steel Mill or at a meeting with my father, he'd call our house about twelve time a day. The first time I was able to feel the baby move from the outside was in early fall. We'd fallen asleep after dinner and the baby had kicked so hard, we both woke up. The remainder of that evening had been spent with both of our hands on my middle.

Now as I was being led into the hospital by my jumpy young husband, the nurses all eyed us knowingly and I was placed into a room to wait for the doctor. My parents arrived shortly after, having left the boys with Liz and Randy who had moved to Boston to be closer to their son and his family. Belinda had adjusted easily and was nearly a woman now. Ma walked in with a worried look on her face as she gave her coat to Dad. Brushing my hair away from my eyes, she smiled down at me.

"Your baby is going to be born on your birthday Jo…" She said quietly. I nodded. "Has the water broken yet?"

"Yes…before we left the house." I replied cringing with the pain of another contraction.

"They're coming closer together, aren't they?" Jonathan asked rejoining my other side. I could barely nod my head.

"Hang in there kid. It'll be over soon." Dad said, leaning down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Your mother and I will be in the waiting room…"

"We will?" Mom asked incredulously. "You mean to tell me that we won't be in here?" Dad looked at her with calm affection.

"Rose…only one person is allowed in and I personally think it should be the baby's father." He replied, reaching out to touch her pink cheek. "We'll only be a few feet away hon." She pouted, looking at me longingly. I tried to smile.

"Go on…I'll be alright." I said breathlessly. I could see she was loathing leaving me, but she nodded and walked out as Dad winked at us before shutting the door behind them.

Two hours later, after ten minutes of pushing my first child came into the world, healthy if not a few weeks early. My daughter was placed into my arms directly after Jonathan had cut her cord and she'd been wiped clean. Her hair was as red as mine and my mother's and her eyes were blue gray. When I looked up to catch Johnny's face, he was crying. Gingerly, he took her from my and held her for the first time. The only words he could utter were addressed to me.

"Thank you Jo." He sobbed, clutching the baby carefully. She was a sweet, quiet infant and in the end, we named her Clara Rose Hockley. My parents came into the room soon after the nurse had wrapped Clara in a blanket and handed her back to me. Mom was first to walk in and looked like she'd been sleeping. Dad walked in behind her, with his hands on her shoulders.

"Well?" She asked me. I smiled tiredly.

"It's a girl." I said, resting my head against the pillows. Ma came to the side of the bed and sat in the chair that was there.

"But you were so sure it was a boy." Ma replied, reaching out to touch Clara's cheek. I shrugged.

"She'll do." I quipped. Jonathan made a small laugh and sat on the bed beside me. "We named her Clara Rose." Mom had a funny expression for a moment, but turned her attention back to the baby.

"She looks like you…a lot. My goodness, it's like seeing you for the first time again." Ma exclaimed. I looked up at Dad who had turned and was staring intently at the door.

"Dad? Are you alright?" I asked and his only response was a nod followed by a sniff.

"Jack are you crying?" Ma asked, standing to look him in the eyes. He shook his head vigorously. "Yes you _are_!" She said, touching his shoulder tenderly.

"I just…you know…wish I had been there for you…with Jo." He said quietly, still staring at the wall.

"Look Jack, I understand. When I had moved to Santa Monica you were still in the hospital. How could you have known? Look at her Jack, she's fine…she's wonderful." Ma's voice was gentle, the tone she used with Luke and James when comforting them. I had to bite my lip. Seeing this, Jonathan took Clara allowing me to hold out my arms. My father hugged me with such ferocity; it felt like we'd always been that way.

"You know, you'll always have a special place in my heart Jo. I love all of my children, but you were there first." He patted the top of my head and stood beside Mom. Jonathan handed her the baby.

"Johnny…" I said, turning to him and touching his arm. "Could you go call Dave? They're coming in this weekend and I want them to know Clara is not a boy." He nodded and kissed me before leaving the room.

"She's so quiet." Ma said, looking down at the sleeping baby. Dad nodded.

"Jack was loud from the minute he emerged. He takes after his mother." He added, nudging Mom gently. She scowled.

"Shut up Jack..." She said, but the hint of a smile remained.

"Well you do talk a lot Rosie." He quipped. A nurse walked into the room with a bouquet of flowers. I frowned.

"Who are those from?" I asked. The young woman bent to read the card.

"A Mr. and Mrs. Reginald Cohen." She replied, leaving the room. Mom looked at me in wonder.

"My mother." She said with a laugh.

"Gran said they would be coming in tomorrow evening." I said as Johnny came back into the room.

"Dave and Gloria are getting on the first train out. They didn't want to wait." He said, kissing my forehead. Mom set the baby back in my arms and for the first time since right after she'd been born, she opened her eyes, almost pondering me.

"Are you as tired as I am kid?" I asked her and almost as if she understood, she yawned. Everyone laughed. She had quite a head of hair for a baby born nearly a month early, and it was a bit darker than mine, almost the exact shade of my mother's.

Clara would grow to be much like me, a creative minded quiet child. She most definitely took after me in looks, but I saw much of Jonathan in her character. Her kind heart and piercing blue gray eyes made them seem so alike sometimes. His temper had also come out on occasion. When Clara was three, her brother Jonathan was born, but Clara would always be the apple of her father's eye.

Dave and Gloria had five children. Three boys and two girls. They had eventually moved back to Boston to be near his parents and us. My two children spent most of their time with them. In fact, Dave's oldest girl, Mary would be Clara's closest friend. Every last one of Dave's children were blonde haired and blue eyed. Their family was known as The Golden Family.

Jamie grew up to find he was very skilled in mechanics. He helped Jonathan build the steel mills back to what they had been when Caledon Hockley had first taken over his father's business. He married when he was twenty-five to a girl from Michigan. They had four children of their own. Luke proved to be quite a heartbreaker, always surrounded by girls from the moment he started school. He married his high school sweetheart and had three children, naming one of them for Liz, who had been such a wonderful friend to our mother.

My parents remained happily married for many years as they watch all of their children grow up and thrive, after all, they were young parents to begin with so naturally they were young grandparents. Somehow, all of us managed to survive, but even though I've said how things turned out, the future is always another story.


	24. Post story AN

Just a dumb little thing...I made this nice little poster type deal in photoshop for this fic. Hope all is well...just take out the spaces...

http:// defygravity18. deviantart. com/ art/ Hearts-Will-Go-On-74155009


	25. SEQUEL INFO!

**Hey everyone, not sure when I will update this, but I wanted to get the ball rolling on it before I forgot. This is the sequel to Hearts Will Go On. It's Jamie's story. I thought it would be nice for the prologue to be told from the point of view of the ten year old Jo. The link to the sequel is in my stories. The story is called, You Jump, I Jump. Enjoy. **

* * *

**Jo Dawson, upon the birth of James Calvert Jr., March 21, 1923**

He was the strangest thing I had ever seen. I'd never been around babies. Mama was so tired, I'd never seen her so tired. But she was happy and so was Dad, so I was happy. Jim was my stepfather, but I never called him anything but Dad after he married Mama.

"Jo, what do you think of your brother?" Mama asked me as I was ushered in by Dad.

"Oh," I said, peering down as I climbed onto the bed to sit beside Mama. Her arm went around me as I moved closer into the warmth of her body.

"This is James." She said softly, smiling affectionately at me as if trying to put me into her memory forever.

"He's funny looking…his face is all bunched up." I said, noting the reddish, wrinkled look of his face against the bright red of his hair. I heard Dad chuckle.

"Sweetheart, he was just born. He'll look different in a few days…" He said, brushing a stray curl from my face. I smiled.

"I sure hope so, poor baby." I said, as Mama kissed my cheek.

"Will you help me take care of him like a good big sister?" She asked. I nodded.

"Yes of course." I replied as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She smiled, handing the baby to Daddy as she pulled me into her lap. I was quite big by then, ten years old, and it surprised me that she wanted to hold me like this.

"You know Jo…if you're jealous of the new baby…it's okay baby. But I want you to know that no one could ever take your place…no matter how many babies we have." Mama said, crying a bit. I looked up at Dad who smiled.

"It's true Jo. You will be loved equally." I blinked at them in confusion, looking down at Mama, thinking.

"But…why would I be jealous? I don't understand…" I said. Mama and Dad shared a look, he nodded at her with a grin and as she sobbed, she hugged me so tightly, I began to gasp. "Mama! Mama…_Ma!_"

"What darling?" She sniffled.

"You sucking the life outta me!" I choked. She laughed, letting go of me.

"Give me a kiss." She said, as I obliged. As Dad took me for some lunch, he explained.

"Your Mom is just a bit emotional after having the baby…it's normal sweetie." He said, handing me my drink.

I began to see why I would be jealous, however, a few weeks after James came home. I was practicing my cursive for school, when I came to the letter "z" and couldn't figure it out. Dad was at work and Mama was cooking dinner.

"Mama?" I asked, frowning.

"What is it Jo?" She asked tiredly.

"I can't figure…" I was cut off, however by the shrill cry of my brother.

"Hold on, darling." She said and left the room before I could get another word out. After a bit, she returned, looking even more tired than before and returned to the stove.

"Mama, I can't figure out how…" I began again and was once again cut off by Dad coming into the house.

"Hello?" He called. "Everything alright?"

"Fine!" Mama called back, smoothing her hair back.

"Mama…"

"Rose, I think the baby is crying!" Dad called from the other room.

"Damn." Mama muttered.

"Mama, I need help with my cursive!" I cried, frustrated. She spun on me, her eyes bloodshot and exhausted.

"Damn it, Josephine, I will talk to you in a minute, right now the baby needs me!" She yelled angrily. I knew she wasn't really angry at me, but it stung all the same. Tears filled my eyes. "Jo…" She said in a softer voice, looking regretful.

"No!" I screamed at her, upset. "The baby _always_ needs you Mama! Well, maybe _I_ need you too! But you don't care anymore because you have your stupid ole baby!" I threw the notebook at her and left her gaping as I flew past Dad up the stairs into my room and flung myself on the bed to sob my heart out into the pillow. I thought of my real father, whom I had no picture or vision of. He was just some faceless stranger who had died before I was born. For the first time, however, I wished he was there to hold me and comfort me. I knew that if Jack was there, that I could tell him anything. But Jack wasn't there and I was alone…and now my mother probably hated me. A knock on my door brought my face up from the tear soaked pillow.

"Jo?" Mama's husky voice came through the door. I could tell she'd been crying too.

"Go away!" I yelled, wanting to stay angry at her and merely succeeding at becoming angry with myself instead. I knew I was acting a spoiled brat, but in my innocence, I didn't care. The door opened anyway and I heard her walk in, though I kept my face in the pillow. I felt her sit on my bed and touch one of my braids.

"Jo…"

"Leave me alone." I sobbed resentfully. "I don't want to see you!"

"Well I want to see you…I'm sorry for being harsh with you." She said, swallowing a sob.

"No you're not! You've hardly said two words to me since Jamie was born!" I accused, sitting up and turning to face her. Her pale face was streaked with tears.

"I know...it's been a bit overwhelming…"

"I wish my real father was here!" I blurted and she looked as if I had slapped her.

"W-what?"

"I wish my father was alive!" I said, glaring at her. "I bet _he_ would pay attention to me! But he's _dead_! And I've got no one!"

"But Jo…you've got me…" She reached out to touch my hand and I pulled away.

"_You _told me we would be loved equally, but it sure seems like you love him more. You're always showing _him_ off…you're always cuddling him. I'm nothing. I'm just the stupid kid that sits by herself in the kitchen while everyone fawns over the baby. Well you know what Mama?" I wanted to hurt her as she'd hurt me. "I hate your stupid baby…and I hate _you_!" I could hear her gasp as I looked away.

"You don't mean that Jo." She said quietly.

"Don't I? What good am I?" I asked, biting my lip to keep it from quivering.

"What _good _are you? Jo, you are so special to me…you were my first…you're the reason…" She stopped herself. "You gave me hope to go on when I didn't have the strength. You _saved _me." Touching my shoulder, she met my eyes. "You don't understand now…but someday, you will. You will understand just how special you are to me. My goodness Jo…I love you so much, it kills me. And if you hate me…" Her voice broke. "I just don't know what I'll do with myself. I'm so sorry for hurting your feelings, Jo."

Now I felt like an even bigger brat, but I threw myself into her warmth as her arms clasped me tightly.

"I'm so sorry Mama…I love you! I don't hate you! I'm sorry, I'm such a bad daughter!" I buried my head into her shoulder and let my body wrack with such violent sobs, I began to hiccup for breath and her grip on my tightened.

"Hush…" She replied calmly. "You are the most wonderful daughter in the world. And I meant what I said," She whispered. "No one will ever take your place…but you must make room in your heart for your brother…he's so little…he needs Daddy and you and I to care for him. He's not strong like you Jo…he can't take care of himself."

"Well that's…true." I admitted grudgingly as she used her thumbs to clear the tears from my eyes.

"I promise to give you more time during the day though." Mama said. "I know it's hard. I remember when it was just you and I…but now we have Dad and Jamie…it's all my fault for forgetting how much you need your mother."

"It's okay." I said, sitting in her lap and allowing her to baby me. She began to play with my braids. "I'm sorry for being a brat." I added, resting my head against her shoulders.

"You're never a brat, Jo…" She replied. "I'll tell you what." She said, making me look up at her. "Oh those eyes…" She murmured with a smile. "After dinner, you and I will spend the rest of the night together. I'll tell Daddy to watch after the baby."

"Really?" I asked hopefully. It wasn't that I hated the baby, I just missed my mother.

"We could bake some cookies together if you'd like."

"Oh, _could _we?" I asked. She nodded and took my hand. "Now about those z's…"


	26. The Man the Doorway

**Before you read this, I should explain. I love this story. I love it so much that I want to fix it. I am thinking of rewriting it from the beginning with more accuracy and better detail. I wouldn't be changing the actual story itself, just some of the telling will be different. So, this is my experiment. It's been nagging at me all day and I had to write it down. I figured I would upload it. So this would be the new way Jo meets Tom. The timeline would be slightly different, but I'll figure that out later. **

**Enjoy. And if you think I should go on with this, let me know! **

* * *

It had been a long day. The winter was still holding on with an icy grip even though it was the middle of March. It seemed like a constant layer of heavy gray clouds hung over the city. I missed summer. I loved the sun and the warm weather. I missed seeing leaves on trees and blue sky. It would be a definite improvement not to have to wear three layers of clothing and heavy boots.

As I looked at the fresh snow that had fallen only the night before, I mentally made a note to stop on the way home after work and pick up some bread and milk on the way home. My brothers would be rambunctious by the time I returned and my mother would not have had time to slip out.

Unsurprisingly, the horses were being extremely uncooperative with us today. They seemed to like the cold as much as I did. It had been a while since they'd been out and had been able to run around without having to step through at least half a foot of this awful snow. One of the mares, a rust colored girl, nudged at my shoulder as I swept the floor of the stables.

"You know me too well, Daisy." I laughed, reaching into the pocket of my heavy flannel coat, a jacket that had belonged to my late stepfather, and I withdrew a carrot. "Don't tell the others, okay?" I whispered, pressing a kiss to her soft white nose before checking the time. It was nearly noon. I informed Mr. Swan, the groomer that I was going up to the main office area for lunch.

"Don't know why you come out in this godawful weather anyways, little girl." He replied gruffly, shaking his head. "You work too hard for a kid of eighteen."

"I'm nineteen now, Carl." I reminded him. "January, remember?"

"Still too young, Missy. You should be out havin' fun with kids your own age. Fallin' in love." He sighed, finishing brushing the black stallion named New Moon. "Go, get lunch before you waste away. You're skinny enough as it is." I grinned at him and rubbed my gloved hands together before bursting back out into the winter and towards the main farm house. Parson's Farm was not a fancy stable, but it was family owned, breeding and housing some of the loveliest horses in the area.

I had been employed here since my third year of high school after my stepfather had been killed in a tragic accident. My mother had been close to giving birth to my second brother and had been unable to work. It had been a stroke of luck, landing this job with these people who were good and fair and paid rather well for someone who had barely been able to pick up the horse's waste to somebody who could ride, train and groom them as well. I loved horses. They were calm and lovely creatures.

I was surprised to find the office area of the house empty, stomping the snow off my boots and removing my heavy coat, gloves and scarf and dropping them in a pile near the door.

"Mrs. Flaherty?" I called tentatively, wondering where she had gone. I noticed a piece of paper on the counter.

_Jo, _

_Had to run into town. Will be back by 3. Hold down the fort._

_-Jean_

I moved into the kitchen and opened the ice box to remove the sandwich I had packed myself for lunch. My long hair was coming loose from the braid I had put it in earlier in the morning. I could feel the tiny wisps of red curls around my face and forehead. I sat on the wooden stool at the desk and quickly devoured the sandwich while flipping mindlessly through the daily paper. There was really nothing of interest in it, save for a puzzle and a story about a successful art dealer donating money to the Museum of Art. The door opened, bringing with it a gust of icy wind which took my paper straight out of my frozen hands. Sighing, I moved to retrieve it while the man who had come in approached the desk.

"Sorry about that." His voice was pleasant and even. I shrugged, standing and looking up at him. I must have stood up too quickly because I got extremely light headed and stumbled, catching myself on the desk.

"No problem. Can I help you?" I asked amiably, folding my arms in a businesslike manner.

"I'm not sure." He told me, studying me with a cautious grin. He was a very handsome fellow, with shaggy hair, a gleaming dark gold color, and a young face with a shadow of slightly darker stubble on his jaw. Standing well over my height, he looked down at me with a contemplative expression on his face. I shuffled uncomfortably.

"If you're looking to purchase a horse, my boss should be back in a couple of hours." I informed him. "If you want to—"

"I'm not here for horses." He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "I was told I could find someone here."

"Okay…" I replied, raising an eyebrow at him expectantly. "Who?"

"A Dawson. J. Dawson." He answered. I masked my shock with a swallow, gripping the edge of the desk so hard, I was sure my knuckles had turned white. "Can you tell me where to find him?"

_Him?_

"What do you want with Dawson?" I challenged, gauging his reaction. Nodding, he turned and set a briefcase on the counter and quickly pulled out a piece of paper with a charcoal drawing on it. I nearly gasped. I had sold that drawing only a week before to the director of the Museum of Art.

"Call me curious. Kid's got talent." He flashed a brilliant smile at me and for a fleeting moment, I wished my mother were here. "Can you help me?"

"Depends." I responded, wanting to know more about him before I outed myself.

"Stubborn little thing, aren't you?" He tilted his head, looking at me in fascination.

"You have no idea." I answered, chuckling despite myself. "I get it from my mother. She's worse than I am."

"I must say, you have a particularly striking shade of hair." He observed, noting what must be a wild mop of curls by this point. I brushed it back futilely.

"Thanks. You can have it." I quipped, eyeing him. "I'll need to know your name before I give you any information." I added.

"Of course." He nodded, handing me a business card.

_Thomas Rose _

_Art Dealer, Architect, Artist_

"You're that art dealer everyone's been talking about." I exclaimed, looking at my abandoned newspaper. "You donated money to the museum."

"Guilty." Mr. Rose nodded, beaming again. His eyes were a striking shade of light blue against the healthy glow of his tanned face.

"What the hell are you doing in Cedar Rapids?" I asked dryly, glancing out the window at the second round of heavily falling snow.

"Just passing through actually. I find the most interesting art is usually in the most unexpected places. Someone recommended the Cedar Rapids Museum of Art to me and so, here I am."

"Where are you from?" I asked again. I knew I must sound like an obnoxious six year old, but the questions fell from my lips before I could stop them.

"Originally? Wisconsin." He laughed. "I've lived in Philly for the past couple of decades, though."

"Couple of decades?" I heard myself cry. "How old are you?"

"Pretty ancient. Thirty-nine." He pretended to shudder, making me roll my eyes even though I couldn't help but smile. "So, Miss? Can you help me find Dawson?"

I nodded, gingerly taking my drawing from him and running my fingertips over the paper. It was no one in particular, just a little girl I'd seen in town with her father. She'd been chattering his ear off in the way that very young girls do while he patiently listened as if she was the most interesting person on earth. It had enthralled me, inspiring me to draw this scene.

"You're looking at her." I said, letting out a long breath. A swell of nerves balled up in the pit of my stomach, though I wasn't really sure why. I swallowed and he stared at me as if he'd heard wrong. People were always surprised to hear I was a girl. "J. Dawson at your service." I went on, extending a hand to him and biting my lower lip, a nervous habit of mine. "Josephine." Shaking my head, I corrected myself. "_Jo._"

"You drew this?" He asked incredulously. "Unbelievable talent. Truly." I must have blushed about fourteen shades of red. "How _old_ are you?"

"I just turned nineteen two months ago in January." I replied, fiddling with my braid.

"Nineteen…" He repeated in a soft voice, giving me that bemused look again. "Well, this does change things." He said, making my stomach drop.

"What do you mean?" I asked, flattening my hands on the smooth wood of the desk.

"Josephine, I—"

"Jo." I insisted. It wasn't that I didn't like my given name, it's just that I was never called that. Ever since birth, I'd been Jo. Just Jo.

"Okay, Jo." Mr. Rose looked slightly uncomfortable. "I would like to propose that you come and study under my mentorship in Philadelphia as my apprentice. Have you considered a career in art?"

"Of course I've _considered_ it." I said, laughing. "I've also _considered _being the Queen of England, but that's not going to happen, is it?" Sighing, I shook my head. "Look, Mr. Rose…it's just me, my mother and my two younger brothers. I help support them."

"What about your father?" He inquired quietly. My eyes widened at the painful memory of losing my stepfather. I'd never known my own real father. He'd been gone since long before I was born.

"My stepfather died a couple of years back." I explained. "He was shot." Mr. Rose's eyes darkened.

"God, how awful." He mused, cringing. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks." My voice was barely above a whisper. "And…my natural father died before I was born, so…it's just us. Momma and I and the boys."

"What does your mother do?" Mr. Rose asked.

"She's a teacher now. She teaches piano on the side. She used to be a movie actress…she was even in a couple of pictures."

"Really?" He looked impressed. "Any I'd know?"

"I doubt it." I laughed. "It was a long time ago."

"What's her name? Maybe I've heard of her." He offered.

"Rose." I told him. "Rose Dawson." His brow furrowed as if he were trying very hard to remember her name from film. "Her most famous role was Beth in The Lilac Tree."

"I don't recall." He sighed, shrugging. "Listen, Jo. Please consider my offer. Talent like yours shouldn't be wasted."

"I…I'll talk to my mother." I assented, swallowing again.

"You should." He carefully placed my drawing back into his case and smiled down at me again. "Nineteen years old, huh?"

"Yep." I agreed, sighing.

"My telephone number and address are on the back of my card. Do not hesitate to call me, Jo. Any time." His eyes softened as he met mine. "Everything is going to work out."

"How do you know?"

"Just a gut feeling. I'll talk to you soon, Jo. And please give your mother my regards." He started toward the door.

"I…I will." I stammered, walking him walk away. I wasn't sure why, but I had the strangest urge to run after him and tell him yes, of course I would come to Philadelphia and follow my dreams, whatever they may be. Mr. Rose paused at the door, looking back at me one last time with a penetrating stare.

"I'll see you soon, Jo." He smiled again and left, leaving another gust of frigid air in his wake. With shaking hands, I pocketed his card and picked up the newspaper, opening it again, trying to figure out a way to tell my mother what had happened.


End file.
